thanks monte I don't think I am handling it so well this weekend... but thank you for the prayers and good thoughts humor is indeed a very good release valve for meRead More...

Monte: I am vacillating between a letter beforehand and just having one to give her when I get there if I can't think on my feet. But the way you put it, about certain expressions from her and how that might make me react to her reactions, causes me to think I might just be better off sending her a letter sometime this week so she has some time to think about whether or not she can deal with me and prepare herself to respond, etc. Ugh...I hate these kinds of agonizing decisions!!! Thanks for...Read More...

Thanks monte, I try not to worry and obsess to much about it. I still want my therapist. I can't imagine I would give up on this relationship for any other guy that would come up. The situation with your husband, I think I had this kind of expectation as well. This dream of true love that will make me absolutely happy. I understand that no man will ever make me happy if I don't learn it myself and if I don't learn what love is. Yeah, I would have a sense of loss if my erotic feelings were...Read More...

Monte and Pippi, I agree with you both. If I would put as much focus and energy/effort into my relationship with God as I do with my T, I would probably (no, I WOULD) be a whole lot healthier and better off than I am now. I just don't know how to apply that knowledge to making it happen and getting myself off of my T. It sucks...Read More...

Hi all... Fluoxetine is the generic equivalent of Prozac....same thing. It does help lots of people....but I think it is pretty rare that an anti-depressant alone will actually resolve anyones issues. I believe that most of the drugs prescribed are to alleviate symptoms...they are not "the cure" or solution to the deeper problems that we experience. Yes...some people can have pure chemical imbalances that respond to these drugs, but that is usually the exception...and not the rule. I was on...Read More...

Thanks for your explanation, True North. Dharma, I too feel like I have some OCD issues, only it's with certain people. Most recently with my T, but with a physical therapist, 4 teachers, my husband, and some friends in the past. It sucks to have your life overwhelmed with intense and obsessive thoughts and feelings and compulsive behaviors (mine are "talking" to my T out loud in the bathroom or when no one is around, or searching things about her online, writing her letters in my notebook,...Read More...

Hello Starfish and thanks for your comments and welcome. Have to admit that I’m glad you commented on the first words my former T said to me - my own sense of it all is (STILL) oh it’s not that bad I’m making a big meal of it I know what she really meant - never mind that I am still impotently FURIOUS about it (and this after 24 years!) I think it’s that I’m so used to expecting people to say that my perceptions of things are wrong or incorrect that it floors me when people actually see what...Read More...

Incognito, I am so with you on this one. It never fails to amaze me that nothing is really changed but to have my T hear me and understand me, and often help me to understand myself is immensely healing. It seems that for human beings being heard and understood is MUCH more important for us than actually having things our way. Which is good because you can always be understood but you most definitely can't always have things be the way you want them. And may I join (the very wise!) CT in...Read More...

Hi MH, Sorry, I forget that newer posters might not know about the HTML slapper. It's a device we came up with a while ago that started as something to hit someone with if they were being too hard on themselves and kind of evolved into a general punishment kind of thing. I didn't mean for you to use it on you at all. I was afraid that what I was saying would be difficult to hear and you'd want to hit me for which you would need the slapper. It's really good that you are crying out against...Read More...

Hi Allison, I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time in life. I wish there was more that we could do for you here, but it sounds like you need to find someone who can do more for you than just listen. You are young, in a destructive relationship, have health problems, and don't have support at home- that is no doubt an extremely difficult place to be. Can you contact a counselor at school and tell him/her what all is going on? This is too much stress for you, and we aren't...Read More...

Thanks everybody…your replies gave me a lot to think about. Echo...thanks for waxing poetic!...although I hope to get better before I degenerate into "uncontrollable savagery"...how about "controlled churlishness"...or "measured moodiness"... Monte...Maybe your stray kitty and my wet puppy can keep each other company I do think the message is something we got very early on...I don’t remember ever expecting my mom to treat me any differently...but I have the feeling that if I ever do connect...Read More...

Wow- now i know how I missed this incredible thread-notifications off. My mind is reeling with all of the wonderful wise information on this thread. It is great to see how this stuff works. So many of you are so knowledgeable about therapy. AG- you always amaze me. I have had 15 months of therapy, and already I am thinking about leaving. Every concieveable way I've thought about this topic (thinking I am so original)has been expressed on this thread. I guess perhaps I am still running, and...Read More...

Thanks for your reply about this AG. I really want to be able to tell my t good stuff verbally, but it freaks me out. I feel so... lame? corny? insignificant? And I get worried... like, what if I think it's good and I find out it's not true or valid or maybe it just doesn't matter or it's stupid. I get REALLY nervous about it. I wanted to tell her today but I just couldn't. I just talked about my job and school and other stuff, but i couldn't say "hey, what you said last week really meant a...Read More...

Hi SarahB! I was just wondering how this turned out with your T...hoping for the best and thinking of you!Read More...

Have you talked to a doctor about this? You might get better advice on forums that are aimed at this sort of thing. You could try this one on MedHelp: http://www.medhelp.org/forums/...roenterology/show/68Read More...

Now my principle is telling me that he will kick me out even though I am not doing anything.Read More...

Glad to hear it helped! I don't know if the relaxed state lasts longer as much as I try to be mindful and catch when I'm revving up so I can use the exercise to slow myself down. Keeps me running on an even keel. But I am definitely handling a physiological response to my old trauma feelings being triggered. I'm not sure how effective the approach is since you're handling something that is essentially a side effect due to medication (or a lack thereof). So mine is emotionally sourced whereas...Read More...

echo- thats interesting that you said that. I have always wondered if because I feel like I am 15 all the time if I come across that way to other people. I do relate better to other teenagers and younger kids. Actually, my whole life I have related better to people younger than me. I have often thought about trying to explain the way I feel to my psychiatrist or therapist or recently thought about trying to explain it to my christian counselor, but I have not done it because I am not sure...Read More...

Hi Caeti, I have had experience with Seroquel 25-50mg, although I have not taken the extended release form. I have worked with clients prescribed Seroquel XR and for many, they seemed to become more symptomatic resulting in increases in hospitalizatons and then being switched to another med. It is scary to see client's react like that..and the docs didn't seem to think that would be the outcome...not from the drug company's advertising, I guess. My experience with regular Seroquel...was that...Read More...

thank you BB, DF, monte, for being so honest about your feelings. I can relate to the endless loop of waiting for email, feeling ignored by my T and the extremes of positive and negative emotions about him and therapy in general. I hate being attached and I'm afraid it will never stop being so painful. I have a 4 year old who gets his blanket out of his room everytime something gets stressful and I feel like that only my blanket is a person with their own life who I get for 1 hour a week. I...Read More...

Hi Guys, I understand the struggle with how much do you remember and how do you handle it. I've always gone by the belief that I only need to remember enough to deal with the feelings evoked by what happened. I don't think there's any virtue in remembering for remembering's sake. This is where the transference with my T proved to be so healing. I just kept going back and dealing with whatever got triggered by what happened in our relationship. Pursuing those feelings and trying to understand...Read More...

Thanks all for your advise and for the welcome. I already feel resentment which have resulted in ongoing stomach problems and stress-related headaches. Sometimes the thought of making big life changes which potentially affects others makes me feel like a monster so I become paralized from taking action. Everything feels like a mountain to climb and have to unlearn behaviour that has held me back. I've probably been a people pleaser too often so being assertive towards someone who thinks they...Read More...

Hi TN! Thanks so much for the feedback. Like you, I get caught up in feeling awful, which makes it hard to do the therapy. Of course, the pain is very legitimate, but it’s also important to have the courage to at least try to do the work while in that place. That in itself is enraging. They say that the mind is elastic and it’s possible to actually change its physical makeup. If that’s the case, it really is a stop-and-start, meandering process just as you describe. Helle, I’m sorry that you...Read More...