Wish I had seen this a couple weeks ago. Mine would have said, Hi, T, You don't have to read this if you don't want to. You can save it for my session time if you do decide to read it; otherwise, you can bill my for your reading time. That's how pretty much everything I send her begins! (She never does bill me, but I get very anxious about taking up her time! It was fun to read these! BLT, no post about what yours would say?Read More...

Thanks Liese, it helps to hear other's situations. SBRead More...

I've been watching this thread and I SO hoped it could remain a civil and thoughtful discussion with both sides respecting the other side. Of course, I realized that this was not likely due to the nature of the topic. I apologize to those who are triggered and have suffered because of this discussion. I, personally, was abused (not sexually) and abandoned by my oldT so I know first hand the damage that it causes. I, too, developed PTSD on TOP of my already existing C-PTSD. I, too, had a...Read More...

Wishing this forum had a "like" button!Read More...

Thanks guys. Interestingly, I discovered when I read your responses that I wanted someone to tell me to leave and never go back. She's away this week anyway so I have another week to think about it. It's the second counsellor I've tried since things came to an end with exT. I left the first in floods of tears after the initial session and decided she wasn't a good fit. I don't think I want therapy. I have some really important life decisions to make and so maybe I need a coach instead of a...Read More...

Well, I talked with my therapist on Thursday, and I feel much better about my struggles. He reminded me of the Circle of Life video that we watched towards the beginning of therapy. It took me a while, but now in retrospect I think I understand the longing feelings I've had when we take a break, or when getting from one week to the next week of therapy seems to take forever. I think this also explains some of the fear and dread I have of termination. What also helped was that my therapist...Read More...

Just to say that I'm thinking of you. SBRead More...

((jill)) i'm so very sad and angry to hear this. maybe as a 2nd option an IOP will work. that helped me. i'm in a relapse right now… have been for a while, but it's not serious (symptomatic) 'enough'.Read More...

thank you for your replies, i dont feel like i deserve them... but it helps to know others understand and i'm not all alone with it (i dont know yet how much of this i can tell T) eme, you're probably right that it will end up hurting me more and she will just be puzzled or something... thank you for your kind words and saying to focus on me. lucy, thank you also for encouraging me not to miss my appointment. the fact that everyone said the same really helped me, and i think i will go. skype...Read More...

Thank you all for the replies. The new T did end up emailing me the homework assignment eventually, so at least he did follow through. I have decided that perhaps I am sabotaging my work with him before it has begun because truthfully I cannot afford to go to him even though I would really like to do the work with him in addition to my work with regular T and nutritionist. So perhaps and I am picking him apart to make it easier in my mind to chose not go. Not sure if that makes any sense. in...Read More...

Thanks guys I guess I should fill in some info of what made it feel hurtful, I didn't express it all very well... one thing that made it feel like an angry comment is that it is so cold here that no one is able to leave their animals outside now. So that made the comment feel like it was intended to make me feel guilty just because the nature of leaving them outside only held the possibilities of being a joke or sarcasm. My history was filled with comments to make me feel guilty and that's...Read More...

Hollow, I think you are okay and he is not kicking you out. I think he is being very attuned to you and your letter by wanting to read and re-read it to make sure he understands. I read the letter and I think a good therapist like yours would really think you did good work in writing it.Read More...

One thing that came to me while reading this is that it seems like you are actually discovering some of your gifts and how they help other people. While you still sometimes feel like you might be "too honest," at the same time you are seeing a little how your authenticity can be a gift to people and cause them to think in new ways and discover things about themselves. And it's the ability of Alice for example to be very specific that helped you take that in, but once you've taken it in you...Read More...

Thanks, guys. Losses cut- I never called him back, and he never called me either. He obviously doesn`t even have any qualms about me just disappearing. Glad I never told him abt my ED.Read More...

I just did! I'm really glad your appointments are going better for you. I look forward to hearing more and about what you decide to do. ps: please don't be concise. I'm rather fond of your lovely wordinessRead More...

yeah. the T suggested that I use the 4 weeks to learn how to open up faster... yikes. I've used the time to stop obsessively watching the clock for throwing me out time - which has helped. The clock is about a meter across in diameter and just 3 meters away on the wall. It's about a subtle as a real life elephant in the room...Read More...

I'm glad she cares and that you are feeling safe.Read More...

(((hollow))) Thank you, and I hope you start feeling better too, it is really hard to be in that place. Hostage to my mind is a perfect way to describe it. And you're right that when good things are triggering it feels like more than a person should have to take (((jillann))) You are SO insightful about that, I don't know why I took that off my radar of things to consider... I think part of me has just wanted to discredit how much influence medication has played in my moods. I haven't...Read More...

It is heart-warming to read this! Thank you for telling usRead More...

Hi Quell Good luck in your search. When I was looking for a new T (after being abandoned by oldT) I remember that I saw 3 T's in three days. It was a bit dizzying but it was also good. Then the following week I saw my current T and another T an hour apart from each other. They didn't know. It was at that point I was able to decide with great certainty to stay with my T. The positives and negatives were very obvious seeing them all so close together and that was helpful. I was also very clear...Read More...

TN, Thanks for responding. I am so very thankful for the liberal policy for outside contact. My T. would have it no other way for my attachment and trauma issues. I bet it took close to a year before I actually did start using contact by text, phone and email. I was terrified of it and sometimes still am. My fear comes from being convinced I'm not worthy of it, I will abuse it, I am bad, I'm intruding in T's life etc. However, it has helped me greatly!Read More...

Whilst you might feel feral at times you are definitely good at interacting. You are the way you are for a reason - even if you don't understand why/what happened. Attachment problems are really painful - I'm working on mine too. It messes up everything doesn't it? SBRead More...

Cat... I know it might not feel this way... but maybe it is safe now to begin to let those littles speak. You/they have be silenced enough. Does your T 'get' dissociation? Maybe you could find a little space each day and let out some drawing, writing etc. Put it in a box and take it to your T? Sorry if any of that isn't useful. I've kind of been where you are at. And whilst I'm not exactly ok now, I have found that it isn't as pressured if you dont crush those voices/parts down so hard. I've...Read More...

SB, I plan to print this out and keep a copy--thanks!!Read More...

(((quell))) (((lucy))) (((exploring))) I'm so glad you guys liked it I like the picture too because it makes me think of protecting the younger part of meRead More...