Loorie, I voted for you to stay with therapy. I'm a guy, and I guess transference is different with guys, but I have my own version of transference with my T. What you're experiencing sounds like such a real, authentic feeling, and maybe it's the beginning of real, true healing...a kind of repairing of what got broken earlier in life. So I say stick with it! RussRead More...

Hi all.... I know JM will "feel the warmth" of how much she is missed...and valued. We all need to take a break from time to time. Sometimes too much time on the computer is isolating. It's a double edged sword. I'm sure JM is doing exactly what she needs to do right now. She'll probably return when it's right for her. I miss her too. ((((JM)))) SDRead More...

hi you all, I just want to thank you all for your great courage in posting this stuff, and to absolutely validate you for every word. I wish everyone here (including myself) could just give themselves absolute permission to write whatever they feel and at as much length as they feel. My husband is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. It deeply affects our lives, as does my own history of emotional abuse and family violence. I really really struggle with being a good partner when there is so...Read More...

You are lucky in a way because you are relatively young and starting to do something about your situation. Just keep it up. A lot of us always feel guilty about not doing enough for our loved ones. Also, I spend a lot of my time fritting and fretting over so many things I wonder how I get anything constructive done and it's a bad habit to break; worse as you get older. Good luck in decifering it all.Read More...

Beautiful poem AG!! mlcRead More...

Hi Folks, Thanks for your replies. It is getting more difficult now. I know perhaps what I need to do. But also I don't know. Maybe I understand... I need to tell him what I want and what I need. I don't know if i will be able to do it soon. I understand that there will be a point that he won't be able to give me what I need from him. But maybe he will hear and embrace my needs and my feelings... hold me somehow... I don't know. I would like him to do and say something that would not feel...Read More...

Hi janedoe I think dragonfly summed it up beautifully with: I would have run for the hills too. I'm OKRead More...

Thanks SG and AG for your wise and kind words, I really feel guilty about posting that info. I feel like a traitor. This is an awful place to be in. I don't know what I did wrong?? Why did it turn out to be so confusing??? I guess the outcome is her responsibility, but she was responding to my needs. I emailed her asking if she wanted to stop contact with me. Her reply was that the email was hurtful....This morning I asked to see her in person to talk. She has not responded. And, I don't...Read More...

Hey SG, I was missing you too around here! Thanks for your supportive words. As for the issue of progress...well it turns out that my T was sort of triggered on that by my stupid insurance company. He has to fill out paperwork every 3 months on my "progress" and what we are doing in therapy. Because I'm currently not on meds the insurance company is pushing them so we have to talk about it and we end up in a huge disruption because I am not interested in meds. I don't really feel that I need...Read More...

I have wondered about the length of time I have spent with my P. I can't imagine not seeing him ever again or at least for a long time. I think I have worked through many issues over the years and have come to terms with some of them. I still find I have things to cover with him. Not because we are stagnant. But sometimes I feel the need to get support for feelings that bubble up to the surface. He helps me deal with the "The here and now issues" I have, as he calls them. I still feel that I...Read More...

awesome! Im enjoying the Olympics a lot so far... watching prime time every night... if I had cable. would watch some of the other sports as wellRead More...

Hi there Stummergirl, Thanks for sharing so much about your journey. I just wanted to pipe in here, because this: struck a chord with me. You're right, the solution itself DOES trigger the problem, but unlike alcohol, food, love, insert addiction here, therapy is actually a solution that has the potential to work. For me, I went into therapy knowing I would have to become "addicted" to my therapist in my same old transferencial way in order for me to STOP my addictive, codependent behavior.Read More...

Hi all, AG thank you for expressing why we zone out so clearly. My T has also said similar but somehow it is clearer coming from someone who has been there themselves - and I know she hasn't . Perhaps we need to kinder to ourselves when it happens and trust that by persevering in this processs it will gradualy stop. Does anyone get any warning because I don't seem to, can even find I have fallen asleep or done things I don't remember. Magpie, I do tell my T I trust her - I thinks it helps me...Read More...

Another oldie but a goodie (and a very funny one too!) Even shrinklady stopped by to comment! Just Me: Oh, that's so true. I LOVE my bed! Just Me: I found this interesting as it gave me a view of the other side of the whole dependency / attachment / boundaries issues we keep raising on these boards. AG - I don't want to get stuck. Again, another good reminder about why we need to push through with therapy instead of getting stuck in the whole dependency / attachment / boundary areas. I'm OKRead More...

Hi Pippi, Hugs! This must be a horrible time for you especially going through this without the meds. I know exactly what you mean about loving your P and being so strongly attached. BUT what he/his receptionist is doing is absolutely and totally unprofessional and NOT YOUR FAULT!! Where I live it is never OK to not give your patient medication that is essential or withhold the medication that has withdrawal effects without giving support or alternatives, at least he should give you an...Read More...

Hi I'm OK. My therapist has made it very very clear that his door remains open and I am welcome back at any time. And for that matter, I am welcome to take as long as I need to leave. I told him I wasn't leaving unless I knew I could come back. I haven't talked to him yet about communicating after I leave but I have no doubt that I will be able to send him notes or go back in for the occasional "tune up" session. Something he said is really helping me which is I'm not going away from him,...Read More...

This post is an oldie but a goodie - and I'm so glad I found it as I don't have to create in my own words what I am currently feeling regarding boundaries / asking for what I need / phone contact / requests denied and feeling corrected and hence unloved. Cheers! I'm OKRead More...

Mrs. P. I'm so really sorry... I've been to similar places in the past... I imagine I would run and hide too. I think you run away from pain, because I can't imagine there is security and safety if you can't bring these feeling to him and talk about them. I think you do need somebody to help you out through this pain. I don't mean that you can't cope, but perhaps there is a way to make the coping easier. I still have a very good memories of my past feelings and I don't know if it's any...Read More...

Hi I'm OK, I'm back and as usual have a few things to say. First about the whole idea of being able to be without having to do. I have done both the "I'm so busy I don't have time to breath" and "don't bother me I'm on day 10 of my solataire marathon." In my case, both behaviors were my way of not having to be present and experience my feelings. The lack of care and secure attachment, coupled with abuse, in my childhood left me with no one to teach me how to handle or regulate my emotions as...Read More...

Amazon, your post reminded me of things my T says to me. She frequently says she will never lie to me. Lately she's been calling bullshit on my defenses I use against her. It's funny the effect it has on me when she swears, because neither one of us do it that often, but when she does then it feels like she really means what she's saying. About being creative, I suspect most famous and successful artistic people - whether it be writers or musicians or dancers or artists or designers - have...Read More...

I'm really sad for both HB and us. I wish we could have had the chance to say bye, but I understand. It doesn't seem that I can PM her, so AG, if you're still in contact with her, please let her know that I miss hearing from her, and that I hope she is well. I'm so sad her privacy was violated, and I wish the person who violated her knew how many lives he/she has affected. I'm angry and sad, but mostly, I just miss HB and her ability to reach out to us for support when she needed it. What a...Read More...

Right now the important thing is that you are going to tell your partner not the reason behind it. I have to tell my husband when I screw up and its not because I want to or I know its the right thing to do but because I know that I am getting an ultimatum from someone whom I dont want to loose. And if that is what keeps me doing the right thing I think that is all that is important. I do believe that some day I will get to the point that I will be doing the right thing just because its the...Read More...

He is not actually my therapist but we do therapy. He does do therapy with some patients but that costs more money. The session we have is set up for med check/psychotherapy for 20-30 minutes. If I open up and am honest and can actually start talking than he will usually go longer. It is hard only seeing him once every four weeks which is why we moved it to every three weeks. I cant afford much more than that. But it is like you talk about where you are constantly thirsty and only get a few...Read More...

I think it just takes time to trust, and takes time to have the long term issues sorted. You are very busy person, but probably you need to do something very important for yourself to find your happiness. Few years ago, when I was 26 I just made my recovery from my give or take 3-years depression. But that still didin't make me quite happy. I knew there is something in me, that perhaps would start crying out again sometime in the future. So I had a plan, once I will have fairly stable...Read More...

Thanks Jones For the welcome! I too hope to learn more about everyone as well and look forward to it. =)Read More...