Welcome back, AG - really good to see you here again. And it's delightful to know that you had such a great vacation and return.Read More...

thanks MH - finally, I can see what I look like! Who woulda thought with a name like Jones?!Read More...

Wow Halo. Good for you! I hope everything will be getting better form now on. We'll be really happy for you that you are getting out of this pain. Take care and let us now how is it going with the new P.Read More...

Hey Karen, I don't think you're weird, I think maybe this is really common. I know it happens to me when I'm uncomfortable around someone - like some button gets pushed inside me and I get really rigid and scared around them, even though I know I'm a grownup and they can't hurt me. I know if I could relax things would be fine but I can't un-press that button.... until, like you say, I can leave and relax. I guess it's possible to stop. I know it happens a lot more when I'm under lots of...Read More...

Hi KS... glad you found it helpful. Good luck in your session. TNRead More...

I didn't have a clue about different types of therapy. I think my general idea of therapy was close to CBT, sort of working on changing thoughts and behaviour with somebody who explains what and why and you begin to understand. But when I came across two words: "psychodynamic" and "transference" I realized it is more about feelings and it seems to be working. This is what I was looking for and waiting for all my life. I don't know if my therapist goes by the book. He may, since he is not a...Read More...

CT-thanks for the response. After yesterdays appointment I was still having problems dissociating all evening and still didnt get any sleep last night. Probably due to not having my anxiety medication and it usually helps me fall asleep but that is two nights with no sleep. Today I am depressed and some what suicidal. I wont actually go through with it because I talked to my old highschool psychologist through email. He made me feel a little better. With my new T my things went pretty good.Read More...

Yeah, we do have a lot in common with the child thing. We do joke around at the end when I am paying but then as soon as I walk our of his office the connection is gone and I try everything I can to get the connection back which usually makes him frustrated and mad at me. I call and text and email him constantly sometimes a few times a day. He tries to ignore the ones that are not important but I still get enough of a response from him that its worth doing it. There has been times that I...Read More...

I know what you are saying about the big churches. I came from a big church which was a weird experience. My grandpa and my dad are baptist preachers and my grandpa is from a really small baptist church. When we started going to a larger baptist church when we were growing up my grandparents hated it. Then our Baptist church planted a nondenominational church across town and we went there. It was a nice church and I am sure it had a lot of nice people but I couldnt connect with anyone. I...Read More...

Hi UV, I am going through that, starting to feel the feelings. It is so painful and I am finding it very scary.Read More...

SG - amazing that you saw your ex again just after having those feelings of acceptance - well done on walking on when you knew it was what you needed. And well done on going *into* the feeling and exploring through your writing and guitar - that's a beautiful thing to do with the pain, to let it fuel your creative experience. Seems to me that that kind of turns it into a willing exploration of being human, rather than just a necessary tolerance of the misery of life!! I love this... it feels...Read More...

Hey there TN. Thanks so much for updating us! I've been meaning to reply, but I have been pretty busy. I'm free now though! First, I'm really glad that your t suggested you two have a second meeting. Sometimes, it just takes more than an hour, and when THEY notice that, and don't want us to suffer for a week, it feels pretty good (even if we feel shitty and are having a hard time!). I SO understand this! Something about the fresh memory of something t says or does can really help to "melt"...Read More...

Yeah, I will keep yall posted on how it goes with the new people and if it helps imporove things with my P, since thats part of the point. Dealing with transference with somone you only see once a month is difficult and he wants someone near by that I can talk to weekly while trying to work through it with him. I am very thankful that he didnt drop me as a patient like I have heard other people on here say theirs did, but he said if I didnt have the therapist then he would stop seeing me.Read More...

Hi K, That's funny about the coincidence. A member of the other board I belong to also asked me whether my name has anything to do with Joe Strummer. It doesn't, I just made it up because I took up guitar a couple of years ago. But I guess I'm also a dork cause I like The Clash, too. My former T was actually very upbeat and had lots of that "giddy" energy you mentioned, especially in the beginning. Sometimes I saw him in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon, so no, I don't think time of...Read More...

Strummergirl- That poster is made of kick-a$$ LOVE ITRead More...

Hey, Helle! I'm so glad this helped... what you say here really matches up with what I understand - hopefully that means we are both on the right track, rather than both wandering down the garden path!! There are a couple of other things I'd add that have been helpful to me. One is understanding that we got those defences for really good reasons. If they are not helpful any more, we can still honour the little kid we were who was smart enough to come up with that defence when we needed it.Read More...

Whoa SG- this is me. I don't have anything to add, except thanks for this revelation- something for me to look at.Read More...

Free-on-Thursdays, I think I need to add something here. I, we (my T and I) do or try to do some work on my feelings (transference) for him. This is what my therapy is about now. It is mainly about how I feel and what I think while with him, without him, about him etc. Since he is "the transference object" now that should allow him to get better understanding of me, my feelings and eventually to proceed to "corrective emotional experience" (??). There are still things that I didn't tell him...Read More...

Married, and has a daughter.Read More...

Hmmmm SG I needed to hear that. I know that all of what you are saying is the same as my Old P is doing to me. But I am still not ready to stop going. He makes it all about him each and every time. At least I am only seeing him monthly now and also I am able to hold the boundaries better so that I don't stroke his ego. You are right we want to feel that we are special. Hopefully soon I will be able to lengthen the time between visits to every three months and just sit at that time distance...Read More...

Dear Echo and Free on T, Yes, it would be good to have someone to talk to that you did not have feelings for. I think you are right that some Ts probably do not know when someone is hiding feelings for them....or they do not want to admit it. I wonder if it is a trip for them to have people idealize them. I do have a P that i see every 4 mo for meds management. He is one great guy, but insurance does not pay for therapy from Ps. He does see me for an hour, though and has been wonderfully...Read More...

Hi CT, thanks for the really nice message. I do so many extreme swings in a week & it wears me out. I guess they are not so extreme on the grand scale of things, I can still get up, work, and so on but for me when the anxiety kicks in everything feels so total. I make myself keep going but inside I'm just racing and racing. Then when we fight I get these flashes of really violent images in my head, not memories, just images, and that scares me. One of the things I find hard about the...Read More...

Reading your stuff helps me, but why do we have to stick or stay with the garbage feelings? Why should we focus on the crap. My T says something about process, but I prefer avoidance. I too can not handle when T does not get back to me. I still hate talking to him ( or anyone) on the phone- much prefer txting. I too relate to the rejection issues.Read More...