Hello. Well, it's been over 2-weeks since learning The News and my hormones and humor have improved immensely! Thank Goodness. Your words and experiences have helped me feel less alone. My clients have also helped to greatly improve my attitude. Just yesterday, a regular came in and announced that she wants a divorce from her husband! I laughed and told her that she wasn't the first, she is actually third in line! She is the third client this year who has either already filed or who is...Read More...

Hi Samy, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, but thanks for letting us know, I have been thinking of all of you. I know how difficult this can be, please take good care of yourselves. You'll all be in my prayers. AGRead More...

Hey SG! Like so many other topics on this forum, this one was of interest to me due to my own experiences as well as wanting to show support to all of you who have been so open. I'm about to go through the process of finding a new T and dreading it to be honest. It's almost like a forced break up with an old boyfriend and being told to find a new partner straight away. My old T was adamant that i find someone soon and it almost feels wrong not to leave time to grieve and feel hurt. I'm...Read More...

Thanks Z for your great reply. I did end up calling my P and when he called me back he (as I should have known) was great, offered me his support. He wasn't upset or threatening termination--not anything close. Your advice was right on target. I will see him in 5 days and talk about my neediness and my fear of abandonment more.Read More...

Hi HB. Thanks so much for your words of support. I just feel like no-one (as in those around me, not people on here as they've been great!) understands how I feel about my T and ending with him. The few close friends I have told have nodded and hoped that I feel better but I know they think I'm a bit odd, it's not something they have encountered themselves and find it hard to understand that I could care so much about someone I barely know. And I'm fed up with trying to trivialise it or say...Read More...

Hi HB, It is probably a good idea that I do not help him with his house; as that will mean spending more time with him and I seriously do not need that! Just in not seeing him for this month has eased a lot of those feelings away from me; plus I am extremely busy on the farm getting stuff buttoned up for winter. Yesterday afternoon and today I had no thoughts of him all day. A definite improvement. I am really trying hard. During the times when I was so obsessed with him and he was on my...Read More...

Hi FrankB I'm new here as well. I also kind of did not what was expected from me, but I didn't really have to deal with the kind of pressure you had to. Since I am not really good at offering good advices or comforting people I just want to wish you good luck with whatever you will undertake. Hope you will find your path and your place.Read More...

Hi HB! It is so good to hear from you again! I've been wondering where you were. I've read your previous posts - you have had more than your share of trials this year, haven't you. I'm so glad your uncle is doing better. And I'm sorry to hear of your SIL's illness - infection is a very scary thing - but I'm glad to hear she's on the road to recovery. And what a blessing you are to your SIL, taking care of her son like that. You are walking through all of this with an amazing amount of grace.Read More...

Hello Deeply Rooted, Not only do I think you are practicing the principle that Shrinklady stated above, I am amazed at your inner strength to do so. Something in you is overriding your parents’ messages of inadequacy, insecurity, and worthlessness. Going against the tide of unhealthy workplace expectations established by a predecessor is anything but “small”. I admire you greatly. Did you have a “hero” when you were growing up? After hearing about how my parents raised me, my ex-T (ouch, it...Read More...

AG wrote: Earlier, I read how we are unable to think clearly while we are reacting emotionally. My last post is certainly embarrassing evidence of that truth. I am less emotional now and, hopefully, thinking more clearly. What I am learning from that outburst is how deeply afraid I am to face the truth of what is emerging from my repressed and/or dissociated memories. I am at least equally afraid that my T will leave me (physically or emotionally) to face those memories alone. I have no hard...Read More...

Strummergirl, thanks for the reply. So far from what I have read on here, this seems like a great place. I really hope I can learn from the people here and get more strength with trying to deal with this. As I said in my first post. I moved away from my family about 4yrs ago. I live about 6 hrs from them now, by myself. I really felt I needed to do this, to get out on my own, because of other things. Like I said, I moved back in with my mom when I started High school (age 15 or so) and lived...Read More...

Hi HB, I am so sorry to hear your sister in law is so ill. What you described is the very same as is happening with my P. I don't know what has happened but just in the last couple of days, I feel as if a huge weight or a dark cloud has lifted from me and I feel a peacefulness which I have never felt before. I have always had lots of fears which really affected my life but now I feel lots of strength coming out in me. My P is also very brilliant in that he knows what is in my mind long...Read More...

Hi Wisdom, I've done some reading about object relations and my T does use some of the principles, especially since in many ways Winnicot and Klein were forerunners of a lot of attachment theory. My T is very well read about attachment and applies the principles clinically. But that's as far as it goes. He's CBT trained but his style if very eclectic. He's been working for over 30 years and has told me that he pretty much relies on his "gut" based on all that experience. He also reads very...Read More...

Hello, AG, I LOVE hearing about how your T has handled your feelings. Among other things, it helps to make sense of what went right, and wrong, in my own therapy. It also gives me the words to ask for what I need next time. And I mean that quite literally. With your permission, I could just take your last post from T to T until I find one who "gets it". Not that I can "plan" to have transference with a new T, but at least then I would know it's safe to talk about the issues that came up with...Read More...

Thank you all SO much, how extraordinary to be met with so much affirmation! I so appreciate you taking the time to read and respond with so much care. SG, I really appreciate your generosity knowing what you're struggling with right now. Summer, thank you for talking about how it feels for you as a teacher letting go of your students. I definitely felt like my T was expressing it and you're viewpoint is very confirming of that. HB, As always you are able to say things I just can't express.Read More...

(((((((((Robin et al))))))))) Thanks for checking in, I've been wondering how you were all doing, I miss all of you! I'm sorry to hear about your dad, I know how stressful it can be. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your dad. AGRead More...

Summer and AG, Thanks for the great responses. This is all so helpful to hear. Summer, it took me a very long time to see that my mother, like yours, is very very angry. And like you, I'm not sure where it comes from, but it sure is there, in spades, and it comes out despite her efforts to keep it all inside. AG, Here's what stands out to me from your post: "...unspoken rules that must be obeyed..." "The only way to be connected with her is to do so on her terms and her way." "She does NOT...Read More...

Ok, so I was kind of a bummer in my earlier post. Summer - When I was a teen, I got a part time job and it was one of the best things I ever did in terms of my social anxiety. For whatever reason, it's easier for me to do that sort of thing (talk to people) when its my job rather then just to socialize. I think I'd encourage him to get a part time job, I think there's a lot of good things about having one, as long as he can keep up with his other commitments. Alternately, maybe he'd be...Read More...

Musical Me thank you for your empathy and support. Even if you don't feel you have words of wisdom it's nice to read your post of support. Summer... thanks again. I'm glad to know that you can now think of your P with fondness and realize he did care for you he just handled his retirement badly. HB... your response makes a lot of sense. I am coping although sometimes it does not feel that way. Sometimes it just feels all out of control and I hate that feeling. But I think through this...Read More...

Hi Hummingbird, Yes, I guess a bit of discomfort won't kill me. My P has gone on a few days holiday and will be back next week. I have been able to address this briefly at times with her but get acutely uncomfortable. I know she wants to do whatever it is I need but I fear rejection from her or even ridicule. She has not rejected me in the least or ridiculed me so I guess this is me. Last week when I told her I was really angry and it didn't quite make sense...her reply was "it's...Read More...

Musical Me, Instead of agonizing over this alone, why not talk to your T about your mistrust? You are obviously recognizing a disconnect about what you KNOW to be true in an intellectual sense and what your emotions are telling you. We don't operate in a vacuum; you didn't wake up one day and think "hey, I think I'll decide not to trust anyone." I have very deep trust issues and took a long time to establish trust with both my Ts. My present T spent two and a half straight years reassuring...Read More...

I saw my P today and was very satisfied and really felt he answered all my questions and concerns very well. I had kept a notebook of different questions and feelings that I had this week and the session was very productive because I knew what I had to discuss. (sometimes I go in and completely forget everything that I wanted to talk about and the session seems wasted). He made me feel secure and safe and that no topic was off limits to talk to him about. I have an appt next week again which...Read More...

JAO....I can empathise with a lot of what you're feeling. I feel completely overwhelmed at the moment...this has only happened to me a few times before but it's so scary. I'm doing all the wrong things, binge-eating, drinking etc. I'm hanging on by my fingertips and I can't reach out because I don't want to inconvenience people, nor do I feel that they want to help. I'm particularly upset with a friend who doesn't seem to care about the pain I'm in. I don't know if I'm asking too much of him...Read More...

Hi Lonely ... I'm sorry you are suffering so much but if you take a few steps at a time you can really be helped. I have a very good friend who also had crippling social anxiety. She suffered for years with it and then finally found a doctor who put her on Paxil anti-depressant and she is doing so much better she can't believe it. Now I'm not saying this will solve everything for you and you would need to talk to a qualified doctor but there is help and hope out there. I do think therapy...Read More...

TN - The question of how long I've been seeing my T is a slightly complicated one. I've been seeing her one on one for almost a year. However, I have known her since I was a teenager. When I first met and worked with her, it was at an eating disorders treatment facility, and she was one of the regular therapists. It was all group therapy there. I liked her and felt comfortable with her then. So, 16 years later, when I knew I had to make a change and going back into therapy seemed to be the...Read More...