Hi again, TN... yes, I hear you with both the pos + neg things learned/developed over the years. You note the negatives so easily and why wouldn't you?....you are struggling under them fighting toward change while your T has the position of sitting across from you, not experiencing all of your felt pain, and can easily see your strengths. I'm glad you have an insightful and encouraging T. Sometimes I have thought that the self I created and developed to protect my most vulnerable and young...Read More...

thank you all for your support and i wish the same for you all as well saw my therapist today and just felt very numb. I care alot but I have a terrible time connecting my feelings and emotions outside of the global ones of sadness, depression, anger.... so now she says im repressing them! Oh freud never dies does he! I do know what she means though however i feel like there is a HUGE steel barrier between my emotitional mind and my intellectual mind... and whatever minds that exist out...Read More...

I made it through! I made it through Memorial Day, and the actual date of her death, which was yesterday. There's this weird feeling that I'm not sure how to describe or where it comes from. It's something about wishing that the anniversary never happened. Somehow it scares me. I'm not sure why. I think it has to do with the fact that somehow that makes it official. Now, she's really dead. Yesterday, I had so many times that I thought about something, and then thought, "Oh, I'll call Mom and...Read More...

Good response BW!Read More...

Orrrr Not.. thanks for the warm welcome back how are you long time no see nevermindRead More...

Hi CT, Everyone must be away for the long weekend you are having! I don't have much experience with your tooic, but I'll blab away seeing as no one else is around ... Pooooor YOU!! You need to stop being so hard on yourself! If you are happy and feel like the life you and your husband have is going great ~ then roll with it and if a little portion of it ever explodes, you'll work through it and get back on track You always sound so 'together' when you give others advice, and I'm sure that...Read More...

HB, Thanks for your response. You make a good point. It is what I do to myself after he finishes with me that causes the majority of the problems. I had forgotten about that, of course, my T would have reminded me today. After he does his thing, I feel like such a lame loser that I just completely start attacking myself. Those were the times when I lived with him when I would go in my room, shut the door, and sit there with a razor blade trying to keep myself from cutting myself. I would...Read More...

HB, Thanks for checking in. I've been wondering how you were doing with your move and all. I'm glad to see that things seem to be working out for you. It must have been the right time. Glad you get to see your T soon. You must be excited. catgirlRead More...

Thanks for the warm welcome back! It's nice to be missed RobinRead More...

Well, This is a long long long OLD response to this question but maybe it is still relevant. I went through a ACT Intervention for people with chronic pain at the VA (im not a vet but it was open to anyone). It was EXCELLENT and I am the VERY cynical type. It is a type of mindfulness, well it involves mindfulness but it is more active and radical in the sense that you work on reaching what you actually WANT in life along with whatever it is that is going on. For me, it has helped me make...Read More...

Hi Karie; LOL, that's funny you said that because I was just thinkin the same thing the otherday as I was about to write 'eh' in a message. Like CG said; It's true I've been reading and thinking about whats going on with you, and wishing for everything to work out well for you. I just haven't known what to say It sounds like you are prepared for your move and though it's going to be hard to start over somewhere else, you'll do it! You sound like a very resilient woman and you will succeed Be...Read More...

Hi Pattie; You sound like you're leaving us! I hope not. I'm glad to hear that you have decided to get another referral. The whole idea about therapy is to give you consistency and someone you can count on to be there when they are supposed to be. It's a big step, but will likely be the best thing for you! Be well! HollyRead More...

Hi Vik! Welcome! I'm glad you're hear and hope that you find this place to be a comfortable resource for information and support. Looking forward to hearing from you. -CTRead More...

Thank you for your support and guidence. My T told me today that I'm not asking for "too much". And my Mom said the same thing. (I thanked her, QG.) I still feel like I am, but some of this guilt has got to be part of my depression. I feel like the anxiety is driving me insane. I keep thinking if I fix all the things I worry about like house repairs and cleaning then my anxiety will stop...but doesn't. My thoughts just skip to the next thing that might stop the anxiety and depression. It's...Read More...

Hi Karie.... We have actually had book discussions. You may be interested in reading this thread: http://psychcafe.ca/eve/forums...1009181/m/5061071674 It is a discussion about General Theory of Love. We should start a new thread about the book Attachment in Psychotherapy once some of you have had a chance to read it. TNRead More...

I have to really wonder about this kind of approach to therapy. If we are attachment injured, which we are!, then healing comes in an experience dependent way. If you feel you need to be comforted, then you do!.....who knows better about what you need than you??.....if these therapists would move out of there own fear and follow the lead of the client, then maybe change would really start to happen. It has been healing for me to have a therapist move over and sit beside me and wrap her arms...Read More...

Thanks you two! I am relieved to have not gone to pieces. In the piece that I made him, it said, "Thanks for helping me save myself..." and in Spanish, "I will fly with your faith in my heart." I agree with you -- and I think that is what drives a therapist to be the best listener they can be during the hour. They want us to heal ourselves. That said, I know that having BPD means constant vigilance on my part to see the world with eyes in the present...a difficult challenge, sometimes on an...Read More...

Hi Holly, I didn't see that you responded either until today. You might have read in other posts how things are progressing with me and this job thing. I should have moved on from here a year or so ago....the thing I have learned from this whole thing is that next time I'll listen closer to what my body is telling me through the amount of stress and dysregulation I feel on a regular basis...I think if I'd listened I'd have worked harder to leave much sooner, probably before the suicide even...Read More...

Thanks Heather, When I move out of the feeling bad about almost everything including my right to breathe, I see the other side to living that is so much more positive. Once I got going today after talking to a couple of friends, I felt better. I have been trying to do a few more things towards moving, started to pack and get rid of stuff etc. My boss called this afternoon asking when I was coming back to work! I didn't have to pick up the phone even though I thought it might be her...just...Read More...

Hi Hope, I just wanted to pop in to say "HI" and welcome you to the forum. Glad to hear that you found someone you feel you can connect with! That's all we want .. right!? HollyRead More...

Hey there Yina .. missed ya in here! I'm glad that you are going to give this a whirl. I think that it's important for people to take a step back from therapy to stretch their wings and see if they can apply the things that they had learned in the theraputic process. So good for you Tina! I guess the other side to that is while you are going on your own .. you need to be receptive to signs of slipping back to patterns that took you to therapy in the first place. NOT THAT IT IS GONNA HAPPEN...Read More...

Hi Flicka .. I laughed when you said that you tell yourself to shut up. All I could imagine was seeing you do that in a mall or something LMAO I'm sure people would only think you had turrets LOL that's not so bad is it? I don't have to worry about C/T because there isn't any from my P .. she's str8 ... whats with that. Not to mentions she's 25yrs my senior, and just mentioning a relationship with that age gap in here will get you strung up and stoned by the town folk! LMAO THAT WAS A JOKE...Read More...

Hi just orange, I agree with QG about the trust. How on earth can she expect you to trust her after 5 sessions!? It took me a very long time to trust my T too. Probably 18 months for complete trust. And that's not her fault, it's just a process. There's a balance between letting someone in and protecting yourself, and a T needs to work WITH you to earn your trust. You can go in there and talk to her about things you wouldn't tell anyone else but that still doesn't mean you trust her...Read More...

Hi CG ... I didn't want to have to tell you this, but umm, picture viewing is reserved for the smartasses in the house, not the 'NICE' people, so stop being so damn nice all the time. LOL Kidding Not sure why you can't see the pictures, maybe your computer has a security thing blocking access or something. HollyRead More...

AWE COME ON!!!!! I know you aren't THAT nice! Hi again Catherine. Yeh, 12 is a lot. I would think 3-6 would work out a bit easier. Mind you I would be pretty excited (if I were single of course) if I have the option of finding 2 people to date let alone 12! So I assume you let your b/f go? You'll heal, but don't take forever doing it You don't want to keep Mr. Right waiting! LOL If you want to chat about how your feeling, just post again and we'll be here for ya HollyRead More...