Hi Exploring, the old-T did have some problems 'containing' the therapy. This new T... I don't know... I loose a sense of myself and of any feelings - but when I finally realise that, she doesn't see it as a problem. I have said that it is a problem to me and that I don't want to do anything that makes me MORE spaced-out and detached from feeling anything. She said she 'felt bad putting me out' at the end of the session - but still does so. She said she'd give me a 10 minute warning that...Read More...

(((TN))) I hope today's session is better and you can make some progress with your T. thinking of youRead More...

Thank you for your responses and support! I appreciate it, and it makes me feel happy to think that others might be able to get something out of my thoughts and experiences--makes the hard parts mean something, you know? Outsider, good to meet you! It was an intense session. It's funny about therapy--it's healing when I let it be. Sometimes I go and sit in the room and unintentionally concentrate all session on keeping her (my T) out. When I don't do that, though, I am able to experience her...Read More...

Hi, TAS. I just wanted to respond mostly to say that I totally get how all-consuming volleyball is! My DD plays. I can no longer play competitively due to my shoulder. I love it, but sheesh! It's intense! Also, the way your working through this sounds really positive to me. And I also want to take a step back and just tell you how much respect I have for you digging in and staying with this. I know how much you have struggled, and you've been missed on the OF. It's good to have you back but...Read More...

Lucy and HIC thank you so much for sharing! ...Read More...

Hi Becca, the technique is called externalisation or externalising the problem and if your T isn't so familiar then some of the writings of Michael White might be useful for both of you. And David Elston. I do know how crippling anger can be and seemed to spend much of my late 20s and very early 30s trapped by towering levels of anger and rage. It exhausting so I really feel for what you are going through.Read More...

(((TN))) (((Liese))) I couldn't leave this up. Sorry. I am not doing well, even though my T is amazing right now. Sorry.Read More...

Skylynx, I think that's brilliant. Desensitization conducted in your therapy by you--! If and when you get to a point where you can be frank with your T, it might be fun to explain about how you were able to start using those words.Read More...

((Mallard)) I'm so sorry you can relate to this. It's so painful. I really relate to your words too. I like the image of guzzling down care, which is how I feel in therapy sometimes. Like I'm being manipulative and "guzzling" too much care from my T...leaving her empty or something. But it does sound like your T has been there for you too...and I'm glad you feel like you're getting there, even if it is very slow going! ((S-B)) Your secret is safe with me Maybe you'll get there one day, and...Read More...

Thank you TheShins. I will definitely be calling another Therapist to sort this out Thank you for sharing your experience. I know what you mean about feeling crazy seeing a consult T to discuss feelings with current T. The thought has crossed my mind a time or two. But, I need to get some things remedied if I am going to move forward with current T. Thank you once again. I haven't seen you on the boards before...I have been away for a bit, but welcome! All the best, T.Read More...

((Cat)) just want to say I'm so sorry that things are really tough right now. You are going through some major transitions in your life, so be kind to yourself (easier said than done!). You are so strong..you will get through this time.Read More...

So glad you are getting past this, Pinky, and what a cautionary tale for those of us who long for closer relationships with our Ts. What an amazing book your story would make. And, yes, your former T's declarations of love sounded creepy! My best to you as you continue to move forward. :-)Read More...

Re: My Amazing T by SomedaysRead More...

Liese, thank you! That means a lot to me. I worry sometimes about whether I am communicating effectively--I'm glad to know you have appreciated my thoughts and this thread. Have to go, but :-DRead More...

HIC, Wow!!! I think this is almost giving me courage to be more forthright too!! Thank you for sharing this--I loved reading it. :-)Read More...

This is a major point and likely to be one of the biggest stumbling blocks in your path. When healing from an attachment injury or trying to reach a secure attachment status, the healing is ALL about the relationship. That is where the focus should be and even when the focus moves to other areas the relationship stuff is always humming in the background. Having a therapist be your attachment figure allows the opportunity to examine the relationship live as it plays out. You should feel free...Read More...

((Anna)) Maybe it is a good time to evaluate where you are with your T and revisit goals and objectives?Read More...

Funny enough, even though I struggle with the realness of my relationship with T...or more the muddiness of the professional/personal dynamics...I actually defend against him disclosing too much to me. My T is very real and discloses a lot by nature, so I know a bit about his family and his role in his church. I usually know when he takes time off what he will be doing (in general) during that time. Sometimes knowing too much makes me anxious, like I've invaded his life somehow. I think if...Read More...

I'm really happy Jillann that your hubby was so supportive. And I'm relieved to hear that you will be going in soon. It's a brave step you're taking. It's absolutely awful that your father had you dieting so young and I'm very sorry you went through that. I can't tell you enough how often I wish I didn't take my ED so far. How much I wish I took advantage of the help that was offered to me before I did any damage. Yes, please keep us updated - I'll be thinking about youRead More...

yesyesandYES! and I've gotten "well, better you than me". Two of my children are adopted and I've even been told I should give them back because they are 'too much' for me. Breaks my heart - no, it shatters my heart. Into a gazillion pieces. I tell myself if that's how they truly feel - then yeah - I'm glad they weren't blessed with special children. But it still hurts.Read More...

I had anger so deep that I would get anxiety overload and end up in the hospital if I tried to hold the anger in. What helped to get it purged was two main things. I would go out in the car with a pillow and scream rage into the pillow. Like a baby screams until he turns purple! Also, I would stack up a pile of newspapers and beat on them with a stick while screaming rage. Several times a day for a month. It gradually subsided and don't have to do that now. It was important not to draw...Read More...

I'm a little slow sometimes. It only took me 2 years to realize you are draggers. I always wondered why people sometimes nicknamed you things to do with dragonflys and such. I never could make the connection!Read More...

Athenacus, your post was so interesting and rich in detail! Thank you for your generosity in sharing your thoughts and experiences. I would have been a bit baffled by the vacation spot description, too. It would be one thing if she had introduced it as a relaxation exercise and asked if you wanted to imagine it--even so, I think it would have been better if she had kept that it had been HER vacation spot to herself. I totally relate to the slipping into therapist mode! I have been trying to...Read More...

Thank you all so so much for your thoughts, advice, and reassurance. I'm incredibly happy to have found a place that can relate in some form, especially to something as "random" as things feels for me. I haven't spoken about it with her yet (just a matter of finding the right time), but will within our next session. You've all given me a great deal to think about - specifically in regards to how I'd feel about seeing her in a different context, her grading my work, etc. I think we'd...Read More...

Sorry late getting back... I'm trying to keep myself stitched together at the seams right now I had an interaction with a family member that triggered me to no end, and I've come smack into admitting that all the stress of the past few months has caused some ED behaviors to resurface big time I kept telling myself I had it under control, but I guess I'm in the quicksand after all, and have to get my act together before ALL the progress I'd made is gone. *sigh* well, as the thread says...Read More...