incognito, This sounds like a really awesome session. And It sounds like 'starting over again', but I remember AG posting something about an onion and layers and going deeper and it sounds like you're really working through that. So I bet you're right when you say you'll get to keep coming back to it! I hope the 'backlash' is manageable. Sounds like you did a really awesome thing and had a great session as a result!Read More...

Ok, i don't actually get why you people here are so nice to me. i mean, if you knewed all the stuff i'd done in my life you might be very surprised and probably hate me. I still tryin to figure it all out. samyRead More...

River, that's exactly what I meant about going underneath all the layers that have built up over my emotions. I never just "feel" my feelings which is why this felt so different. I'm hoping its the beginning of permanent change. Incognito, The shortest distance between two points, is me getting angry and believing the relationship is over. The only time I've ever seen my T get in shouting distance of being frustrated was over this very issue. My keeping one foot out the door, so to speak.Read More...

My journal doesn't talk back and give me more insight into what's going on. I actually find that I've been journaling less since I started coming here on a regualr basis. I've almost been pushing myself to do so, because I find it very valuable to be able to go back and read over my journal and see patterns and cycles, and on really good days, areas of improvement. But the main reason I think its easier here is having people who REALLY understand. Sometimes, the stuff I have to deal with in...Read More...

sometimes i close me eyes and feel the rainbow energy around me. sometimes i close me eyes and feel the butterfly angels flying by. sometimes i think 'wow! good job samy' sometimes i think 'people do like me!' sometimes, not all the time. samyRead More...

Samy, I'm glad that you feel like you can be yourself here. And, like JM, I appreciate how open you've all been, I'm learning alot from you. I like you too. AGRead More...

I'll chime in and share my confession experience too. I had written a poem which I thought described the therapeutic relationship. I had decided to read it to my T one day in session. Well he took it in a more "romantic" way than I had intended. Even though I realized I had feelings for him I did not mean to convey them in the poem. In fact, I thought I was doing a pretty good job of hiding my feelings even though they were torturing me. Well, once I read the poem my T got very defensive. He...Read More...

I agree Wynne, all that wishy-washy-feely-fuzzy stuff that we are always trying to just get rid of fascinates the T's to no end. They are like archeologists sometimes and love finding an emotion that has been buried for decades and brushing off the dirt one minute particle at a time. Unfortunately we are the "dig site" so we don't find it quite so interesting or exciting since we've been living with this sh1t for years. Katskill, every time I go to therapy I almost have to convince myself it...Read More...

samy hi. i don't know alot about you guys, but i do know that you are a really nice person to talk to on here. so, don't believe what the other guy is saying about you, cause it's not true. you're a very important and valuable person!!! so, just remember that when things get hard. hang in there. this too shall pass.(by the way, i don't like doing the dishes either!!)Read More...

ok, thanks for doing that! samyRead More...

Wynne, That lyric describes it perfectly! I have had sessions with my T where his attunement, understanding and acceptance are so clear, that I feel as if I am being "held with words." There is actually a sensation of the security of a physical embrace although he never actually touches me. It really is amazing. AGRead More...

I do relate, Kat. And some days alcohol can seem like your only friend. When you give it up, you give up a friend. A rather backstabbing one, but a friend, nonetheless. At least that is what my AC (alcohol counselor) tells me. Some days are harder than others, but EVERY morning when I wake up and didn’t succumb to the urge to drink the day before I am so happy and so pleased with myself. I know if it were the other way around, I’d be down for the count for a very long time. I’ve watched both...Read More...

Thanks for your comments. I learn so much from the posts on this board. I'm trying to live with the frustration of not getting my T yesterday and this forum is an essential resource for that.Read More...

awww. thanks alot jm. it really does help to feel understood.Read More...

AG, your reply to Wynne was perfectomundo! I tried to come up with an answer but could not see through my own mental fog I have been experiencing lately. I have experienced just what she described many times in my past but was helpless to express it the way that you did and I am impressed with your ability to do so. This is exactly what my T has helped me appreciate about my hyper-vigilance and uncanny ability to know how to employ survival skills in any threatening or potentially...Read More...

Heh. Whereas my Tfella had a slightly different reaction: I have a stunningly poker blank face, pretty much any time. My "listening" face and my "scared all to the dickens and mentally checked out" face are nearly identical. So Tfelle sighed and was like, "Um, we totally need to work out a signal for when that's going on." I think he's since gotten better at reading me, but at that point he really had no chance. *pats Tfella onna head through the interwebs* He tried, though!Read More...

Glad you liked Robin, its definitely a classic!Read More...

Heh. JM, I'm at the point where I couldn't name what how he said affected me: it's one of the things I'm working on. S'why (I imagine) I generally post things by narrating them like I do: it's easier, and I don't have to figure out how to say what I was feeling. Generally 'cause I don't know/am not sure. Interesting tidbit? After I left my 'rent's place, I was driving home through rain on a trafficky turnpike, and I suddenly realized that I was _much_ more relaxed and generally suffused with...Read More...

Incognito, Processing therapy sessions can take a while. Sometimes this makes the 45min appt once a week thing so frustrating. No sooner then I get in my car after a session and am driving home do I have some fantastic insight or finally start feeling the real stuff that was masked by my anxiety during my session. This is when journaling become invaluable. It can be almost like another mini sum-up session. Calling your T too can help when the yucky stuff really sinks in a few days later and...Read More...

(sniffing the air) You got a point.Read More...

Samy, I think that's awesome that you were able to work out that miscommunication on your own and with no names. I'm still working on that one, and I know how hard it is for me, so my hat's off to you. AGRead More...

Heh. Many thanks for your welcomes; I look forward to talking to you all.Read More...

Hi River, Yeah, I have had a T admit to being stumped. There was a time when I was working with my first T where we hit really bad resistance in working through my trauma. We hit a brick wall and couldn't figure out a way around it or through it. She consulted with a colleage about me and got some ideas for how to deal with it. We worked our way through it. I know it must feel very discouraging to have your T admit to being stumped but I'm glad he is. What would be a lot worse would be him...Read More...

AJB, I'm sorry to hear about your loss during the holidays. We lost my very beloved mother-in-law who lived with us last January and are about to have our first holidays without her. Its going to be tough so I can understand why you feel like you really need your T right now. AGRead More...