Wow Mallard you are miles ahead of me. I am so glad you can give yourself that kind of understanding and compassion. That is my goal. I am guessing that self compassion is the key to handling the pain in a way that is not so shaming to me. Puppet!! So cool to see you post here. I think my new T is very skilled. She is different than anyone I have seen before. She is very blunt and told me she is very blunt. I said "I am starting to figure that out." and she laughed. However I can tell she's...Read More...

(((TN))) Thank you so much. I'm glad you understand and can see it as a light bulb moment. I've been so ashamed and feeling awkward about this. Like I should feel something else, but don't. I'm glad you can see your T's care... sometimes it's hard. I know I can only see her care now because I saw my rage and abandonment for 6 months first Filters... like you said! Today I saw T2 since I called her and I'd heard back in text. She said the message was so nice to receive... and she said it...Read More...

It's great news, a good T is such a rare thing!Read More...

Thanks for replying. I have seen a theraist twice since, she tried to do some Eye movement therapy but whenever it felt like i might be remembering my body would start panicking and make me really uncomfortable. I haven't been back since, mostly because on a medical leave right now from law school and dont have insurance. That experience I talked about was very, very intense, like nothing I have ever felt before. I am really glad it happened its just now I have all these follow up questions.Read More...

All they want to do is give you a sweet snuggly hug... Anyway! Sorry to go off topic! I love full moons, this is the best time of year for stargazingRead More...

Thank you lovely people for the support. I am scared, but I'm really trying to have a positive outlook. My tests are early next week and I will be sure to update. Also, please send prayers and good thoughts my way. I could use them. Hugs, too. Those HELP so much.Read More...

Just a question Mallard, How can you help another down a path you haven't dared examine yourself? I'm with you on the feeling that it is too hard. But at least for me, somehow once something shakes loose, I can't seem to stop myself from going there. It like the universe conspires to make all thoughts go back to that which I am so afraid to process. JillannRead More...

Thanks TN you are a wise one! I will do my very best to make this work with my new T. I really think this can work. She has an approach and style that fits very well with me. Plus she just went to a Bon Jovi concert and that can only be a good thing. lolRead More...

Hi Becca... glad you found something in my post to help you with your T. Thanks for your response. Yaku... I have always thought you had a very smart, good, caring T and I suppose those kinds of T's have a lot in common. We are very fortunate to be in such caring hands. I am trying to hang onto the thoughts of those good things. I told my T today that while I can now remember them, I'm still trying to FEEL them. That is the difficult part. Hi Liese... yeah it's best that he is up front and...Read More...

Seen that link of yours before - it's very cool!Read More...

(((TN))) I'm so glad you are okay. When you didn't come back, I got really worried that something bad happened. Come back and update us when you feel up to it.Read More...

CD – oh yeah LOL. I like him in any movie (Grease, Look Who’s Talking 1, 2 & 3, Face/Off, etc.) The General’s Daughter was extremely triggering for me though. I even watched Battlefield Earth just because he was in it. The scene in Michael that you mentioned always makes me cry because it’s so sweet. In all his interviews JT seems sooooo nice!! I just love him. B2W – You have almost the same taste in animals and music that I do!!! Cat – I used to want to be a DJ too when I was younger...Read More...

Wise words, GE. I have experienced this a lot in my family. Athenacus, I hope you were able to enjoy your date. I think as a society we place an awful lot of pressure on women and mothers about sexuality and needs and we also socialise women to behave in an undemanding way. Ever notice with children how when people see a determined little boy and the comment is "Aw, he knows what he wants" and with girls it's "She's a demanding little madam". I know I am using extreme examples but I do see...Read More...

Damn!! I has this whole thing written out to Cat and Peng now it's gone!! Come on! Ugh Firstly let me say that I am turtle but now I have an s on the end of my name, (turtles) The reason for this is that I asked shrinklady to remove my account because I was so ashamed etc. Now that you guys have verified that things didn't go as badly as I suspected I wanted to keep my account but shrinklady was being a good forum stewardess and removed my account as I had requested. My fault entirely! Cat,...Read More...

Hi Jen... the only silver lining I can see in your finding out the real reason is how clear it is that it had nothing to do with you. Your T has a human problem and it's best that he went into some addiction program or treatment before he could harm a patient. But I do understand the anger and hurt you feel. It is something to get angry about and I hope you can express it to your new T and work through it. You need for someone to hear the anger and hurt. You will get through this, one step...Read More...

Thanks everyone for your help. It is all over, T is back, the time has past, I can't even remember the distress I had about it - such is my emotion compartments and lack of feeling - switched it all off but at least I realised at the time that the issue bothered me a lot. My T didn't ask about it . Thanks againRead More...

One day I got caught in heavy traffic, couldn't make it to T. When I emailed saying I couldn't get there, she simply replied "I'm sorry you couldn't get here today". I felt full of rage. It meant nothing to her. I emailed back later telling her how angry I was at her brush off reply. She said she was sorry I felt she was brushing me off. Next session I told her how she could care less. She said something about how of course my not getting there doesn't mean the same to her as it did me.Read More...

i like this thread -- lots of good stuff in it. good soul food. please dont delete or feel need to apologize anyone. thank you for starting this turtle and all the others who have contributed.Read More...

Love you dearest Draggles. I'm so glad you survived that terrible time with Faith, and everything that came before it - though so sad you had to go through it at all. I really want to say that I am 1000% sure that Faith's vicarious trauma was not a result of any badness in you. Nor was it something you could have prevented or changed. This site on vicarious trauma for care workers makes some excellent points: Vicarious Trauma Some helpful things from that site: "Vicarious trauma is a process...Read More...

Hi TK, I so understand. I'm in the same place today.Read More...

I got 16/20 . Not too good.Read More...

CAt, as far as I know, it shouldn't affect us. I just got paranoid today because I had a hard time talking in session yesterday and I kept asking T what we should talk about. He threw out Obamacare. I told him I didn't want to talk about it but worried today that he had wanted to tell me it was going to affect my insurance coverage somehow.Read More...

TK and little TKRead More...

(((Jen12))) That does suck working through the original issues that bring us to therapy is difficult enough without adding extra difficulty on top! I'm so sorry you've had such pain with T1 and 2. Your first T sounds familiar I really think it will be important to allow yourself time to process the grief you are feeling over these experiences. Its so wonderful that you have T3 by your side to do this. Even though the transference will be painful and difficult to work through, it can prove to...Read More...