Thank you all for your lovely comments. I started crying over such comforting words which means I have a lot to let out. Indeed I have huge abandonment issues. Sometimes I wonder how many other people have it this bad. When I first started dating my partner it was hard to deal with saying goodbye to her even though I knew I would see her again. As time has gone by and my feelings have got so much deeper, leaving her has become more difficult to the point where I numb out during my stay so as...Read More...

yeah, i'd say. there's so much we all take for granted, and it's tough to break that habit it's definitely do-able, though. go, us.Read More...

Hi TK, I am definitely afraid and very aggressive towards almost all of the younger parts of myself. The playful one and I are often joined at the hip - she is simple and not anyone I'm afraid of or angry with. If you have one inner kid holding everything I can understand how scary that would be for both your adult self and her. Maybe to build a relationship you can take small steps - spend some time "near" each other, and not process anything. That's how my playful side works - she's never...Read More...

oh tygr, did it not go well? fill us in when you can. puppetRead More...

Weird you mention animals, muff. I have excellent communication skills with furry little non-human-animal types.., T asked me last week what the human sign of a non-aggressive cat gesture was and I had no example to give her. A lot is in the non-verbals... Is why the gut is so importantRead More...

Hey guys Thank you for replying I wish healing was in a straight line...just doesn't work that way, does it? I, as well as others, can relate to placing so much pressure on ourselves to just get it done. To say we are all better and move on. I hope Therapists realize we don't want to be a part of their schedule any longer than we truly have to be. All the best, T.Read More...

Smilingpenquin, I love your description: When I was pretty ill, I kind of figured it didn't matter. I felt like I was a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic anyway, so fessing up to some of the more extreme thoughts was less of an issue. Now I am a bit more functional I find it intensely annoying how I can find myself filtering, even to a person who is 1. bound by confidentiality so cannot spread word of my 'looney tunes' status to the world and 2. trained to hold to a non-judgemental...Read More...

((erica)) thank you so much for your kind words they helped. today i'm feeling... grounded. i did a somatic activity to help my home feel okay (because i keep having anxiety in here, and somatic trauma issues that make everything else worse... sigh). my feelings change every couple of seconds. dissociation so my team of professionals believe. something got triggered and segregated (compartmentalized) me a lot and adjusting back to that system isn't working. it's like i had 10 boxes of...Read More...

Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone in struggling with this. (((AV))) Thank you for sharing some ideas - the thought of visualising what I think I want is difficult. There is something painful about seeing what I want - or maybe it is more about it being painful to connect with the feelings of longing and wanting... I'm sorry you struggle with this too - if I arrive at any insights, I'll let you know! Thanks, BLT - I think I've realised that it is one of my reasons for being in...Read More...

Yes send it. I like your topics, could not hate you!Read More...

Today is my brothers birthday, he was killed in a motorbike accident 15 years ago.Read More...

i know. can you throw some water on that f*cking mud to loosen in up?Read More...

Rebuilding me and Mallard, thanks for commenting - i am sorry you guys are the same, but it feels comforting knowing that i am not the only one. I talked about this with my T today. Yes she calls me on a weekend - I feel incredibly guilty and that it is "breaking rules" - but she does it every single saturday to keep the connection and to keep me safe.... So i was telling her of this struggle that I have and she listens and kind of laughs (in a supportive way not a mocking way) and I realise...Read More...

Thank you TN and BLT. You've both given me some really good food for thought. While she does confide in me somewhat, it's not to the same degree, so I've now learned something from you, TN. I hadn't thought of it from that perspective. Because it's on my mind more, I also talked to someone at the office about it, someone who's opinion I'm learning is quite reliable. I said to her this afternoon that with all this new awareness I'm gaining now with my continuing sobriety, it sometimes feels...Read More...

Hi TN, I understand your point completly. I feel personaly that I am not qualified to advise others and I can't imagine that anyone would want to read about my problems. I think this is due to my extreme lack of confidence. I will try chip in more often as I have gained such a lot from reading here.Read More...

Same for me. Stress load causes me to do it. Sometimes I can feel myself out of control and screaming and angry feels good as it means I am actually expressing something and letting it out. I feel like a pressure cooker with so much anger but unable to get it out.Read More...

I am the opposite. I cancelled next week and my T is not accepting it and is encouraging me to go to the sessions. She is keeping them open for me to change my mind. This annoys me as much as Tas' T won't let her reschedule. My T is correct from a therapy viewpoint to do this as she is right in that I am pushing her away as I am going through some bad stuff and that me not attending would be detrimental to me. I just have to get to that level of acceptance and trust that she knows best. I am...Read More...

Hi HIC - not sure about this - I pay out of pocket, and I'm not in the US. but I have the idea that some insurers will cover at distance under some circumstances.Read More...

(((Ang)))! hi! i hope you're doing well! it's nice to see an "old" face on here emerge. i hope you're doing well. good for you for continuing to go in spite of uncomfortableness ... it's hard but i think that's the work. i'm glad to see you prowling around still, and i hope to see more of you! (((Mallard))) i know it's not easy being new, and there really is a fine line. i think you're doing well, though. you have alot of good insight, but you're not off the deep end, either. good balance.Read More...

Re: Update on Former T...Read More...

Hi Mallard, This is something that's become clearer for me over time. At one stage a little while ago I was feeling very abandoned after the end of a therapy relationship and all these 'symptoms' got so much worse for me. Couldn't keep a routine, couldn't go to bed or wake up on time, couldn't focus on work and what's more, didn't want to. Other times I've noticed and learned how the household routine stuff - cleaning up, cooking, communicating about schedules, is core for my H and I caring...Read More...

Thanks Muff *quack*Read More...

She's beautiful! Luckily, I don't live anywhere remotely close to you otherwise I might come over to your house and never leave. Of course, I'd have to bring my kid and cats too...Read More...