(((DPS))) I like that when you think of kinship, you think of something that is very meangingful. When I read it, my first impression was that it was sort of a general kind of feeling connected to everyone because we understand now that we are all trying to get the same things for ourselves but I like the way you see it better. I wasn't referring to an equal/unequal vs. an equal/equal type of thing. I was referring to the last time I can recall having strong attachment feelings towards...Read More...

I think anyone other than those with the mildest of issues might find therapy once every 2 months inadequate to say the least. Your feelings of retraumatisation, longing for that connection, abandonment and pain are understandable in this situation. Is there a way of finding someone to work with you, who can 'be there' more for you? All therapists have boundaries and limitations, but not as difficult as those you currently have. I get the screaming in your head thing. Maybe try to do a...Read More...

Skylynx - read up on The QUiet Borderline. There are variants - and there are a couple of really good books on it and info on the internet. Not all borderlines "act out" - lots of them "act in".Read More...

Thank you allRead More...

Catalyst, it sounds like you have done a great work, and I'm so happy for you. And my advice for you at this stage would be "Don't push the river."Read More...

ElizaJ, I really don't have any words right now but I hear you. Just wanted to give you soothing hugs and gentle thoughts.Read More...

Thank you for your responses. I was so busy at work I didn't get anytime on the computer and I was run off my feet. It is tiring being that busy but it does keep me from obsessing about therapy and my T. I do have two more sessions before my vacation. Tomorrow and Monday afternoon. So I do have another chance to discuss a phone session with him. TN, I am sorry that you have chronic hip pain. I can certainly understand using pain killers because the pain is constant and so exhausting. My T...Read More...

Hi Yaku, Most of the time I recognize myself pretty quickly, but there are rare occasions where I have to "watch" myself for a while before I can identify myself. I may have had a few dreams where I never recognized myself, but I don't remember those in any detail. The abuse in my dreams isn't realistic either; I tend to have dreams where my dad is abusing me as an adult woman rather than the little girl I was. There can be some weird stuff in those dreams. But, for me, that indicates the...Read More...

(((Draggers))) I never got to read your original questions, but I wanted to respond with something. The quality of the apology counts. Sometimes it's possible to receive an apology from the person who hurt you and it be totally inadequate. Case in point: my father has apologized to me on about three different occasions for abusing me. However, his apology was on par with "I'm sorry I hurt you." Missing was any acknowledgement of my pain. And these apologies came only when my father was...Read More...

TAS, I am so sorry about your pup. Life sometimes really sucks.Read More...

Yay for having been through this long time! You can e proud of yourself (and you can build a fake Advent Calendar, I do that often, when waiting for something!)Read More...

Hi, sorry I am a bit late, I was in between Canada and France, but here it is, I am back. Therapy often makes me anxious (I am sick before most of the sessions), so I feel your pain! My solutions so far have been: - benzo: I was prescribed some for some time, but i was not taking them before therapy (made me too sleepy), but the general lowering of anxiety in the rest of my life made the anxiety more manageable during the sessions - rum: not a solution I would recommend, but I did use it a...Read More...

My T is a real stickler about eye contact. If I don't look at him he insists that I do. In the very beginning it was almost impossible and even though I would turn my head towards him my eyes would go out of focus so I couldn't see him. Now sometimes when he insists I look at him I will say NO. But most times I look because I do get more information and feel more connected when we hold eye contact. TNRead More...

Thank you AG and thank you who have responded to and acknowledged my feelings and my struggle. I too acknowledge and validate all of yours. I am glad this has opened a gateway to discussion on diagnosis and the stigma and shame attached to some diagnosis especially BPD. Regardless of diagnosis each person deserves to have their concerns and feelings heard and acknowledged and sometimes challenged, to grow. We all deserve compassion and thoughtful care and to be valued, anything less is...Read More...

Hi Chezza... thank you for your very thoughtful reply to my post. I am happy to hear that you have found someone who understands you and even uses your name which I think is SO important to establishing that special connection. I am glad you added your review to exC's advertisement. I felt very much like you in my wish to spare others what I have been through. It should never happen and yet it does, time and time again. It's the dirty secret of therapy in that no one talks about it and if...Read More...

You rock woman!! I am so very impressed that you manage to have a sense of humor about this. I think that's pretty amazing. I hope that somehow the time flies by.Read More...

Hi thanks for your feedback and apologize for the error on my part.Read More...

Letting our session sink in some more - the positives are that when I asked if she had heard if a transitional object she said yes and then gave a perfect explanation if what it is She said this more common in psychotherapy. She was trying to find out what would be helpful - ie should she write something as well as the time and date if our next app? What sort if thing would be helpful? An acknowledgment of my abandonment and how it feels a validating how I feel is very real and very...Read More...

Thank you all for the feedback and support! Rebuilding Me-yup, my T also told me that I don't need to do an explanation. Enmeshment-yes, to that too. I was trying to do something other than going on a family trip and I was feeling almost guilted into it, but I stood up and said that I didn't feel well. I felt guilty after that though. There was another member of the family who was almost guilted into being the driver, but he didn't want to go either, so I think that is the main reason they...Read More...

(((SD))) I'm so sorry you've also gone through this It's just the worst... healing from the original wounds is challenging enough without any added layers. It breaks my heart to hear of others who feel the pain of it- I thought it would kill me. I agree that trusting is a long process, esp after it's gone wrong before. It seems there is a lot of back and forth, testing the waters. I'm glad that things are still going forward with your T and repairs happen more quickly, that's a great sign...Read More...

x1000 I am in a pretty good place in my therapy right now BUT I have been where you are so many times over. Fairly recently there was a rupture followed by aftershocks where I spent a huge amount of time feeling like there was no point. That the connection was gone. That it was broken, for good, if it even existed in the first place (and I wasn't sure of that either, I felt like I'd either made the whole thing up or that my mind was playing tricks on me. It was horrid). And then, I'm not...Read More...

I think big med transitions like this are a perfect time to see our Ts again for assistance. If you can't see her, could you see your P or whoever your prescriber is? I know from experience that Ven is one of the most terrible ADs to come off of. The physical difficulty alone is enough to make it so soul consuming.Read More...

you can do it (bring it up if he doesn't next session) Funny, but as great at their jobs as they are, out Ts are not mind readers Never assume they 'got' something you hinted at - especially if it's something really important to you. Cos if he didn't understand or get the deeper meaning to you saying you 'feel tired' (which is very broad and general) and therefore doesn't being it up, it leaves you at risk of feeling really really hurtRead More...

TN I'm so happy for you being able to express what had been incredibly painful and bottled up for so long!! That took mega-courage! it's awesome your understood. My T is like yours in really REALLY wanting me to express ANYTHING to her - and ESPECIALLY if it's something she has said or done that has left me wounded (her word - wounded describes it perfectly!). She reminds me so often, it's reassuring - I like to think the more our Ts say it, the more it sinks in. I know it has for me - I DO...Read More...

Hi Rebuilding Me, I haven't been going very long and I think it is very dependent upon the practitioner and their methodology. I have experienced it in a very patient-directed way, in which the practitioner asks me what I need and then she would do that. In that case, it was just placing her hands on my shoulders or back, where ever my instinct led me. She would then ask me if it was okay for her to touch my feet, or whatever she felt the impulse to touch based upon what she sensed my need...Read More...