I'm not a parent, but I was a child enrolled in every possible activity growing up. My parents worked full time and were not able to get us where we needed to be everyday. So, they found a community that had it all. We went to the Jewish Community Center after school (you don't have to be Jewish to take part in the programming). It was a safe location where we could do homework when not in an activity. Plus, there were tons of activities on site to join. When that became too expensive, we...Read More...

Thank you (((s-b)))) for caring and being there, all you wrote was very kind of you. I am grateful for the support, some of this stuff is too heavy to face alone. I've started struggling with questioning myself if I made the right choices, so it does help to have validation again, helps keep me from beating myself up too muchRead More...

Will do LongRoad, its working for me and tying in with T who use’s mindfulness in sessions. ChezzaRead More...

My goodness, so many replies! Thank you, everyone! I'm so sorry I've been absent from the boards over the past few days. I've been exhausted beyond belief and emotionally fragile to boot. Responding is getting harder and harder. I did see T on Saturday and had 'the talk.' I did preface it with "I think this has more to do with me than with you." He was pretty much on point with his response, neither admitting or denying whatever feelings he might have. Talk about relief! We did discuss ET in...Read More...

PWW, Glad you liked the line about the diaper. If I'm honest, that was just the picture I got in my mind, when I stopped and just admitted what I was feeling. Thank you for the empathy, it really does help to feel so foolish and shameful and have people meet me with understanding and compassion. And thank you for noticing I reached out. It really is difficult for me to do but I am very glad that I am developing the skill. And I did do something good. My husband and I went to see "Wizard of...Read More...

((((Elsewhere)))) Don't know what's going on but thought you could use a hug.Read More...

Hi Monte, PF, SB, and SF Thank you for sharing your insight and experiences with me. As I look back over my two years of therapy I can see the progress I've made in this area. And as my T has pointed out to me, I won't feel really relaxed and open until my nervous system tells me it's safe to do so. And right now my nervous is, well, nervous LongRoadRead More...

Another update- More than likely I did not get the job. I heard back from the program director already yesterday. She told me that they had an applicant that fit the job perfectly and had all of the qualifications, so they will ask that person to fill the position. If that person doesn't take the job, then maybe I have a shot at it. I don't see that happening though. With other things going on in my life right now and in the near future, a job switch might not work out anyway. I'm going to...Read More...

Sorry PF, you get in the habit of using all kinds of acronyms to save typing time if you're online a lot. AD stands for anti-depressant. Glad you found the stool analogy helpful!Read More...

Hi LongRoad! Thanks so much for sharing your story! When I was growing up, I was never allowed to ask why. Recently, I realized I always wonder why and maybe it was okay to ask. Now I sound like a toddler always asking people, "Why?" I rarely say excuse me, too, or if I have to, I apologize profusely for even having to ask. Thanks again! PFRead More...

Thanks avoidant to bringing up Hakomi psychotherapy. I've never heard of it before. It sounds helpful. I looked it up and there are several workshops in my area dealing specifically with mindfulness and attachment issues. I'd love to hear of others who have used their methods. Thanks again, PFRead More...

Hi, Thanks for reposting. That was a really great article. I, for one, am so glad you feel so validated here. Thanks for sharing.Read More...

I don't know if I compared myself to my T but I felt devalued by him so on some level I must have. I do know that I got tired of feeling devalued. I got tired of feeling less than. The truth is there are people who make friends more easily than I do and people who have nicer houses and more money. But this is who I am. Why do I keep knocking myself for what I am not? If I stay true to who I am without judging, there is a lot less pain involved. I was spending too much energy crying over who...Read More...

Hi I dissociate and it varies in intensity and speed. Sometimes I can feel it coming and ground myself (rare though). I also do full on switches and that too varies as to how much I am aware of what is happening. It is lightening fast though and not controllable (at least not for me, at the moment). The trouble is, it seems for me, that the trauma is held inside of dissociated parts of myself (if that makes any sense). It can feel like none of that stuff happened to 'me' - as in the me...Read More...

Thank you for all your answers. Exploring: Thank you for your answer and the suggestion of the song, it does resonate with me, and I am sorry you understand it so much as well. I am trying to keep busy, to deal with one thing at a time, being on holidays does not help much, too much time to stay with only my thoughts, and they are not a very good company. But I am a bit better. Jones: My therapist had mentioned the idea of suffering, and... yes, I am quite good at it. Thank you for your...Read More...

(((KMAY))) So good to see you. It sounds like what she did all along: give you awfully confusing messages. On the one hand, the blanket and all the pics sound so lovely but I remember how broken hearted you were when it all ended and how she reacted then. My guess is she has a lot of unresolved approval needs? What do you think?Read More...

Isn't it though? *sigh* PS: Thank you for your blog updates.Read More...

((((SOMEBODY)))) I'm sorry to hear about your problems with school and with your therapist leaving. When I was in college, I went to university counseling center several times for therapy. I didn't know at first that our relationship would end at the end of the year. It happened twice to me and I found it difficult to deal with. It HAS to be hard getting attached to someone and then having to start over. Do you think you will have more stability moving to another clinic? If going to your...Read More...

Love this too!Read More...

I just wanted to come back and thank everyone for their kind thoughts and empathy for my situation at work. It has taken me a few weeks to settle in after my vacation. As for work, nothing has been definitely decided yet. I approached the manager again with the guy I want to work with. There seems to be bigger changes in the air, with some new hires possibly coming on board so no definite answers at this point. As for the guy who is not getting his "money's worth" from me. Well now he is...Read More...

Hi MC, Here is the title: Resolving Impasses in Therapeutic Relationships It's great if you can get your hands on it.Read More...

RT, thank you so much for your words of wisdom. They are priceless!! It sounds like with the help of your T, you are doing what you can to care of yourself. That's a good thing. Thinking of you.Read More...

Okay, I haven't realized that pre-verbal means I can be the child self and adult at the same time in the session. That explains a lot. Actually I do that. T asks me how the inner kid feels and I tune in and report in words. I'm relieved to know that's how it works, because it would be embarrassing to my adult self to just get into the child mode and babble baby talk or start sucking my thumb. I realize therapy can sometimes go there, but I'm not ready for that, maybe never will be. As for...Read More...

Hi Cogs, Thanks for asking. It's going well. She's great. Talk about feeling emotionally safe. What a big difference. She has been away working although we skype even when she's home so it doesn't feel like she's away. Her emails are lovely and never trigger me the way my Old therapist's emails did. Just from the reading I have done, I feel confident that she is on top of her game. She is really smart. She gets supervision if something bothers her. She's confident that she is competent but I...Read More...

Thank you (((SB))) and (((Caroola))) it helps having it reaffirmed and it haloes a lot to have it be 'ok' I can keep sharing and posting how I feel. I'm pushing down a lot of fear at the moment, pretending it isn't there - the plane being shot down over Ukraine has not helped with my huge fear of something happening to my T. If there is a car accident in my city and someone is killed I always think / fear what if it's her involved. With her going to the other side of the world, it feels like...Read More...