RT, I love the idea of the already accomplished bucket list! It would be great to look at on the days when I think I haven't accomplished anything, I don't know how to have fun, I've let life go by without enjoying any of the time - all of that is total BS if I think of the wonderful things I have experienced. Puts everything in perspective! But I also need to look forward and have things I want to do, lately it's been hard to think of anything I want to do.Read More...

(((ANON))) I hardly see you as a selfish person but if that's the way you want to see yourself, as less than perfect but still loveable, then I don't want to mess with that. Of course it's okay that your best is not always enough. But I have a feeling that you work really hard almost all the time, if not all the time and that is "enough" for me.Read More...

(((((Poppet))))) xRead More...

Hey TAS! I have missed you! Nice to see you here. bluRead More...

How cool, Catalyst. My T loves that site and has emailed me articles from it a few times. Nice to see it being shared here as well.Read More...

Hello Everyone, I'm reposting this here in case, it was missed elsewhere. Just to clarify, I am the only one who has the decision making authority to ban someone from the forum. I always offer an explanation for the decision to the individual. If someone is banned and wishes to return, I first need to chat with them to clarify any outstanding issues related to that decision. If we are able to come to some agreement then the individual can return. However, if I feel it would not be in their...Read More...

Very good!!!!Read More...

(((RT))) Have been a bit lost lately in my own life and therapy work, so I haven't felt I really knew what to say, but wanted to let you know I've been listening and sending good thoughts your way. I hope your session goes well and helps you get some clarity clarity on everything that is still stirred up.Read More...

(RT) Yes, it's quite exactly what I feel, thank you for putting words on my feelings. ((Starlight)) Before looking at it, she asked whether I had spent money on it, saying that, if yes, she may not accept it, but I think that if it's small, it's fine (especially if it is for a specific reason like you, because indeed, soft toys are quite "normal" in the case of babies...) I hope you can find your way to decide whether you give it or not and not feel bad about your decisionRead More...

Hi Jillann, Never alone in the ED world... there are (unfortunately) a lot of us out there. There are a lot of really supportive communities out there too. I've been part of the same one for 8yrs have made great pen pals and friends for life. I find most of us are pretty well natured creatures.. just hurting a lot. It sounds like you're communicating great with your T, being honest is... especially with purging the hardest thing. I think... (and again this is just me musing here) but that...Read More...

((((((CAT)))) I'm not really sure I meant self-talk. Maybe more a sense of self that stood up for itself because standing up for what I needed never occurred to me before. It was as if my whole thought and language system evolved around the other's needs. Nothing of the sort developed around my needs. As I've worked through a lot of the self-loathing and other things that kept me from getting in touch with my needs, I am finding that what I need and want is more clear to me in a spontaneous...Read More...

(((RT)))thanks for sharing that. that is really pretty much what i'm realizing in my life at the present moment. depression on it's own is such a struggle, but then you pretty much have to add to that mix self-isolation, because the last thing you want to do when you're in a depression is connect with others. which of course, leads to deeper depression and hopelessness. it IS up to us to connect with others when we are down, but the shame is that it can be extremely difficult to do so in the...Read More...

(((hugs))) About your original post on T snapping.... I would have felt the same way (a bit hurt thinking about it later). I have done this many times with my former therapist and my new therapist. A few weeks ago my new T started off my session by asking how I was doing, of course. I said something about being stressed out because I literally had just finished an exam and handed it in (for T training school). I had just spent hours on my computer working on my take home exam that was about...Read More...

aww mudd, thank you!! very sweet of you! it was a while ago now but its so nice to be reminded!! and sorry i was late to reply, had a hard week at work and only popped in to the forum now. we're doing ok. i find that once you are married there are more expectations (of each other, of yourself etc) and i'm trying to manage those worries and keep our relationship real and connected. and (if nothing else) i do know how i like my eggs thank you for reminding me of our happy day i hope you're...Read More...

R2G - I think reading what you wrote out to her was so incredibly close to saying I love you - in fact yours was better because you could qualify it. OMG. I was reading this and replying when my T text me. And I think it was because of this thread as I had been thinking about loving T so I text back (she leaves tonight on a long vacation) and I said 'don't forget that I love you and I will miss you'. I am not sure I have ever said it that directly myself. But I did it. SomedaysRead More...

(((Poppet)))Read More...

I totally get the food thing Anon, I'm extremely uncomfortable eating in front of other people than family. I have to talk myself into it. Now a bottle of wine? I'm all over that! Yes! I know Id take in my Pdoc I see right now bec I wont see him again & willing to take big chances like that bec I know I can run far away. The only thing I can think of is like having an affair in a foreign country or a person you barely know bec I know I wont ever see them again. So I like to take those...Read More...

((R2G)) I'm glad it's worked for you having a behavioral therapist. I'm definitely open to it, and I also know that CBT or whatnot is not the only thing this T uses. I liked a lot when she told me that the way she practices is informed by the most recent research on the effects of trauma on the brain. So I like that she stays in touch with that stuff. And thanks for the support regarding my mom. I'm nervous about it and, to be honest, I wish I didn't have to do this (OK, I don't HAVE to do...Read More...

Thanks Liese and TN I appreciate it. My T is actually leaving next e week so we won't be able to work on getting anything until the week after which I am ok with. TN, I feel exactly the same way. I'm afraid that she will read something that will make her want to get rid of me. She is gone next week anyway so I have some time to think about it. I had written my entire update of my story out last night and my stupid laptop pooped out on me before I posted it. Was so mad! I will update soon.Read More...

(by the way, should I move the topic/ask for it to be moved to Account&stories because it's too general for the "Question" section?)Read More...

((Cat)) so glad i could say something to help. you need and deserve a relationship with someone who is able to give you what you need and keep the field clear of their own problems. Despite all the good things about your T it really seems like she can't see that she has hurt you. She reminds me a bit of my aunt who is a psychologist but parades around saying "i never hurt"; IMHO you can't be a member of the human race and never hurt someone. its a defence against shame and a blind spot that...Read More...

Yes not an easy task. I definitely k we the pattern of my T's carpet considering I wanted to dive under itRead More...

Turtle what a heartwarming uplifting post to read. I am glad you are coming to terms with the relationship and finding the help and support you need with your T. It's a tough road but my T assures me it's worth it. Great to have you back here with us. Hugs TNRead More...

Thanks everybody for giving me insight into this! It was really helpful. The lights are starting to calm down.Read More...

Here's my reply again hopefully more people can see this here now!! That's crazy that your T wasn't keep progress notes!! Were you under insurance at that time? I'm not sure if it makes a difference. What I'm wondering if there is any way you could appeal and perhaps see if they would accept a letter from your T about your general progress in treatment? I wouldn't want my personal therapy notes on my record either (unfortunately, some of them are because I've been in the hospital before and...Read More...