I am shy and gentle, like a wild rabbit. I am small and quick to dart away I freeze when I'm really scared. I have good hearing and prefer listening to speaking. I have to listen well, because I am afraid to look. But when I'm really scared, I cannot make sense of the words T is saying.Read More...

Yes you're right liese. I don't have to take her BS. I really try not to call her when things r bad. Sometimes I call & she just says "what's wrong I can hear it in your voice." That makes me feel like a kid & how a mom should react but usually she says "what do you have to be upset about." Kind of the same ...but not really & that's a jab. I know I have to psyche myself up when I call. Last time I called her really desperate I was setting up my 1st gallery art exhibition for my...Read More...

((((HELD)))) They are breathtaking!!!! The first one is graceful and the second one is complex.Read More...

((RT)) I essentially just did kind of what you're talking about. I talked to T about giving up, depressing stuff, etc., etc. My T asked before I left if I was going to kill myself, and I said no. So if I were to end up doing that, she did do what she ethically should have done, given my history with that kind of thing, and I don't think her ethical boundaries stretch to getting in touch with me to make sure that I still will not do anything.Read More...

(((RT))) I know whatever I'm meant to have, if I remain open to it (which my T is teaching me how to do), it will be provided for me. The lady he introduced me to, who although much older gives me a big sister or maybe young aunt vibe more than a mom vibe at all, despite being my mom's age, said that she did all of her early therapy work with women, until she was finally ready to heal in being able to relate to men and learn to feel safe there. I wonder whether that might be a place I get to...Read More...

((((OUTSIDER)))) I love the way that was phrased, that outside contact was "part of the work". Some T's don't look at it that way but, really, we can only handle so much on our own. Hope you are feeling better.Read More...

Thank you a lot for this answer! (Yes, it does reassure me because I really was worried^^)Read More...

Thanks for the hug RT. Today is better. I'm sorry you feel that way turtle and I can completely relate to that urge to quit. I would encourage you to wait and see if you still feel that way in a few days (good advice but I can't do it). yesterday after my session I left a voice mail asking my T to help me quit and I've already changed my mind. T called me back today and left me a message not even mentioning that and just telling me he wasn't angry or frustrated or tired of dealing with me...Read More...

Ooh Turtle, thank you for bringing this thread back up. Not sure where I got this but it's something along the lines of "behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out". It has become something of a mantra of mine!Read More...

“Never attribute to malevolence what is merely due to incompetence” ― Arthur C. Clarke, 3001: The Final OdysseyRead More...

Thanks RT, interesting article.Read More...

I think calling and leaving a message WAS brave. You are taking risks and reaching out. I hope you get some of what you need.Read More...

Red Tomato, I have noticed how wise you are and helpful. You answer and give great things to think about so I hope you won't go away again. You answer way more than I do...I'm just too caught up and wish I was better. What I'm saying is you're very valuable to myself and others and it's great to feed the human connection...this is where people do understand each other. HopefulRead More...

i'm not biased but i think we're an awesome group of people (((turtle))) if anything was lost, i don't think i suffer any more than anybody here. i have been here longer than you, but time isn't necessarily the measuring cup of what makes up a "steady" friendship. i could write a book on how to avoid just that. please, give yourself more credit...i believe you deserve it more than i. i believe alot of us need to take that to heart. thanks for that quote, (((TN))) it's nice to see so many...Read More...

((Iris)) It is worth the hassle unfortunately. And.... yes... I can have a heartfelt discussion with her but I'm not trusting her ability to handle it. I'm not sure on T2's boundaries with help outside of our work (with someone else) but I asked her today, and she does talk to T1 periodically. If it wasn't an option... I'd be frustrated, but continue to get support from T1 while I keep charging through. Your writing helped, and helped me think, thank you so much. ((RT)) I'm complicated at...Read More...

Thank you for the motivation to keep going. I am so scared and want to just bug out and not go, but the alternative are the night time cries each night, so I guess it's worth working on. Thank you for being so kind.Read More...

I can't believe I did that..I'm not that kind of person to quit anything like that. And I did originally say that I'd want to do one more session to discuss everything, but then I changed my mind and said I wanted this to be the last one. The first thing T asked when I told her I need to take a break from therapy is if I am going to kill myself. I was surprised at this, although I can see how my demeanor throughout the session could cause her to think that. I hope T knows how much I...Read More...

Thanks, cat! You made me smile. It's a huge step for me to feel the attachment but I am not totally sure I got it right. I still have plans to find another T who can guide me spiritually and therapeutically but it feels good to think I can do this without needing some sort of drama (anger, hate, fear) to leave her. The ending with my oT was so painful that it feels almost surreal to be at peace with this process. That doesn't mean without tears, but at least I don't feel like I am going to...Read More...

My kitten learned to play fetch the first time I threw a ball for her. I thought that was pretty smart and cute. She brings it to me every morning when I wake up. Only a specific ball, and my other cat will not touch it. Since she started doing that my other cat demonstrated to me that he does understand fetch but chooses not to play. Instead he carries around this soft toy I call his "baby" and he wails and gives it to me... for which I have to thank him and pet him and love him... and then...Read More...

my t's call me the melting pot of sweet names: sweetie, sweetheart, darling, hun, honey, cute (trust me - I'm adorable), etc in their heads i imagine my t's call me several impolite words. Strange but true fact, my nickname growing up was Sunny/Sunshine/Smiley because I was always happy and could make people laugh. *fist pump* go go gadget coping mechanism.Read More...

I personally find tomatoes to be quite a loud food - especially the red ones. So I do hope you won't be quietRead More...

As you all know, I am a co-moderator on this board for some time now. I am the only one, aside from Room2Grow that are still active. I have only very limited privileges as to what I can do here. I was asked, however, to post here that wishing (aka... IrishGirl) was banned from membership. If it is important to you to know the reason then please contact Shrinklady. I did not do the banning. I do not have that ability. I am only making the announcement as asked. If anyone has further questions...Read More...

Thank you for the link RT... Waiting for e-mail is the worst. Waiting for phone calls is pretty bad. Actually, I hate waiting in general I get such bad anxiety.Read More...

((Turtle)) thanks for your fierce care and concern. I clarified the situation with T and he didn't mean for me to think I wasn't allowed to contact him at all. Part of me really hates him atm for a number of complicated reasons. I have some good self care strategies that I use. The problem is I want someone else to care for me when I'm in such psychic and emotional agony and I become rageful and irate when nobody does and I'm forced to DIY. DIY was the story of my childhood so its...Read More...