thank you so much GE, irishgirl, pingles! today i'm feeling more positive - in the fact that maybe its not that she doesnt care but maybe she is too sick to email / call.... but this is also negative as it worries me, so i'm trying not to think about scenarios.... puppetRead More...

Hi IrishGirl, Thanks for responding and sharing your experiences. Currently taking Lexapro and Welbutrin...I'm not sure how things are working with each one lately and what they're helping with so either it's subtle or else I've forgotten how I used to feel. The T that gave me the diagnosis today is going to consult with the P who prescribes for me to change my meds at my next scheduled P appt. so I probably won't know if there's a difference until I change. He will likely suggest to drop...Read More...

((((BLU)))) What is the context of the stigma around loving our therapists? Just the relationship itself? BLU, At least you are trying. That takes a lot of courage.Read More...

I like that (((B2W))) I would also ask what gift he gave me that he wants me to use to help others. I feel like I don't know for sure.Read More...

Sometimes, I wonder if I should just quit therapy and go back to living my life! Looking for a new T is creating a lot more havoc than I anticipated. I met with one potential so far but she is not a good fit. I could have saved myself time and money if I had know anything about her before we met. On the other hand, I have to say that I learned something about myself and what I am looking for as a result of my session so maybe it wasn't a total waste. She recommended the name of a male T in...Read More...

Wow, it was a tough day yesterday. One that I have not experienced in years. I struggled with it some this morning and went back to bed for several hours. Now, it is just coming in waves. Summer, I think you hit the nail on the head with the changes I am planning with my therapy. I am discounting the amount of stress this is causing me. I am trying to pinpoint a thought or an emotion so that I can process whatever it is that is creating this depression. I took your advice and sent an email...Read More...

Hey Blu, I know that's what they say but when, really, do we get a healthy ending in life? I did read a shrink say that if shrinks in general were truthful with themselves, they'd acknowledge that good endings are for their benefit as well. After all, what shrink could feel good about a bad ending? Maybe I should just consider skyping until I get settled and find another therapist and that might cut down on all this nonsense I'm putting myself through. Awww, Held, thanks for telling me my...Read More...

The thing is I could avoid this distress by just not contacting him and then I could ignore any need to discuss this with him further. I appreciate what you are saying about talking to him about it and creating clear expectations but I really don't do well expressing my needs and being clear on what causes me issues, one of the many reason I am in therapy! Liese, no need to apologise, it's me thinking I'm demanding, not you implying it. TN, I admire how you and your T manage between session...Read More...

My t gives me his notes from our last session when I arrive at my next session. Sometimes We read them, sometimes I don't read them until afterwards. It helps me to understand what his impressions are, what the plan of treatment is, diagnosis, etc. My t is unique, there is only one other patient that he gives them to. I appreciate him doing so.Read More...

Mr. P I use a lot of self talk. A lot negative, but some positive. When things are scary bad, really really bad & I have to talk myself down off that ledge that's very tempting to jump from, I use a mantra that I repeat to myself till I'm grounded. I also try to embrace myself bec id love a hug. You have to make your own mantra that fits you & where you are. For my worst times I use, " you will be ok." Simple & to the point & each time I stress a different word. When I stress...Read More...

(((CAT))) I understand.Read More...

Cat, I would very much like to read the letter your T sent to you. It's incredible that he actually wrote that he enjoyed your helplessness as his little girl. That is very scary indeed. It tells me that he did not want you to heal and grow. My T never said things like that. On the contrary. He was so keen, I think even desperate, for me to become independent or autonomous as they call it, that he became much too distant for the last 10 years, being complete passive. I just felt hopelessly...Read More...

(((Debbye))) I'm sorry his youtube clip didn't help you but I have to say reading it I understood what your T meant. Then I read TN's reply to you and I thought - No way! I completely understand what her T was trying to tell her and to me that story/photography is marvelous, and yet TN saw the grossness in it. I look for those kinds of trees and funnily enough I do photography and have what I would consider the most stunning photos of "damaged" things but here is the thing their uniqueness...Read More...

((((HI RED)))) Thanks for the validation.Read More...

Thank you everyone for the replies, and sorry for the delay in response. Hmm, well the first thing is that it took a while. Maybe about 9 months? And it was a gradual thing, it didn't happen all at once. In the beginning she was very sensitive to it and wouldn't look at me too much, and would sit a little far away to give me space. If I was feeling very anxious, she would tell me to look out the window because the view was calming to me, or I would sit under her weighted blanket or hold one...Read More...

((Pops) Tas the other thing my T tells me especially after a rupture is that we have made a commitment to each other. T says it so that I stick with her and to reassure me that no matter how tough it can be between her and I that she is committed to me and our therapy for as long as it takes - I pretty much believe that my T will never terminate me (WOW, anyone who knows me knows it has taken years for me to realise that....) I think making a commitment to each other is a good dialogue to...Read More...

Wow, just proof read that and by self shooting I definitely meant SOOTHING!!! T did not encourage me to shoot myself! Although I might end up doing that if this darn autocorrect (I'm using my iPad) keeps getting me into trouble!Read More...

Hey DpBluSee, Thanks for the book recommendations and suggestions. I will definitely check some of those out. I do have some more ideas and questions to bounce off you, but unfortunately no time to type it all out at present. Will probably pm in a day or so, thanks!Read More...

I have a lot of trouble talking in detail about how touch is used in my therapy and that has leaked into a sort of taboo feeling for me as well. T and I talk about that a lot, about it being OK and safe, not experienced as bad for him, and perfectly OK the way it is being used (which is mostly in working with younger parts who want it). It's a very confusing thing to me, because there is a lot division inside over really wanting/needing it vs having an extremely avoidant, even sickened...Read More...

T never told me that in so many words, but she did say things like "wow, that is a lot of things to be thinking about" and suggested I needed to slow down the thinking. I think it's really the anxiety that fuels being in your head. When you're anxious, your body feels uncomfy to be in, so you go into your head and try to resolve the situation by thinking, but it really just makes the anxiety worse. If you can slow down the thinking and start to feel whatever is going on in your body, it will...Read More...

Thank you! Didn't think of the Vicks rub so I just found some. I have a couple candles burning in my bedroom 2 help w/smell & hopefully get me thru the night. Not sure what house will smell like in the morning & how much its sathrated into everything like curtains, couch etc. Next time they do it we'll probably have a/c on but its still there just in a breeze. I hate the way this diagnosis has taken away things I most deearly loved especially from my childhood & I'm cutting it...Read More...

I took Wellbutrin and I hated it. It made me feel like an emotionless zombie. I think it made the depression worse when I was on it. I'm still boggled by the fact that I was prescribed the max dose when I was 16! Ridiculous!!! I absolutely refused to take it again after months of being on it. I don't really remember a lot of physical symptoms but I do remember sleeping a lot more than usual. Wellbutrin did not make me feel very "well"Read More...

Ahhhh... the dreaded "I moved an inch closer to T and now I have to run for the hills" syndrome! Been there done that and still do it on occassion. My T knows I do this and whenever I confess something big/new to him he is expecting me to pull back, pick a fight, complain about him, etc., until I can settle down again. He calmly and patiently reminds me of our relationship, our history and his own behavior towards me. He is good at contrasting his behavior with those who have hurt me in the...Read More...