Thank you very much for your concern. That is exactly what I'm talking about. I'm never sure if I'm in the fog or not. Even when I try to be aware if I am. In the therapy I think I was in it most of the time. When I was not there was almost always only terror. One of those moments my T said: "Welcome to reality." At the hospital 22 years ago a psychiatrist asked me what I wanted, and I answered that I would like to learn to be at the helm. In the final goodbye hour with my T, after 20 years...Read More...

You are a very clever and insightful person. I have sensed what you're saying, afterwards when I look back, that he couldn't handle being unable to "cure" me. And also that he was angry with me and has punished me with a bad ending. I am convinced that he sincerely did want to help me and that he very strongly indeed wanted this to succeed. I know from the first 8 years. It was after he had made that "trick" or technique provoking me to ask for more time and I didn't because I was in my...Read More...

(((TN))) I'm not sure but I think my T has been alone for a long time. He only took off his wedding ring about 3 years ago though. So for the first part of my therapy, I thought he was married and I obviously coped with it. BUT, I was not as close with him then as I am now and I think I might be less tempted to reach out to him if on a Friday, for example, if I thought he was home with his wife. Some might say that was a good thing. LOL! I really don't reach out to him more than once or...Read More...

Poppet!!!!!!Read More...

Thank you all for your responses. Sometimes, the way the depression feels, makes me feel like I am crazy. I am grateful that you were each willing to share your own experience as it helps me to see I am not alone in the way I feel. (((((IrishGirl))))) - Thinking of you.Read More...

B2W I thought the comment was interesting, but when it comes to mental health I don't think there's very much that's absurd. The only comparison I have personally is that I have days that feel like "fog, heavy, slow days" like going thru the day half asleep & everything is an extreme effort including talking & in slow motion. I've only had days like this w/in the past 10 yrs & I've noticed a big difference w/ the amount of light I have that day. I live between 2 small mt ranges...Read More...

Hey Julie, I think it's awesome that you want to learn as much as you can about your anxiety. I have never taken an online class but others here have. Good luck.Read More...

Sad but very true that it is rare, but a sign of someone who really cares . Thanks AV for putting this up, starfishyRead More...

That is a hard question to answer, especially when you don't find comfort easily. I would be stumped too. My biggest, but maybe not most convenient, comfort is sleep. It takes everything away @ least for some time. I always looked to nap in the sun... like a cat. Before kids my H & I had this "hour of power" & for one hour we could indulge in anything & not feel guilty about it. It gave ourselves a break from society saying you shouldn't do this or that...or nap. That was...decadentRead More...

Briefly cat it sounds like things are really complicated at the moment and its hard to sort out what's mom transference and what's a real concern with T2. I completely understand the frustration at healing being a slow and non-linear process. I think for someone who tends to have strong protective boundaries and a need for control, therapy ruptures are hard to work through and take time to work through. I'm really sorry your T went off at you over the phone, that wasn't fair or helpful to...Read More...

Interesting post! I was just thinking this type of thing the other day oddly enough. I'm sorry to hear that you are distracted by your T's apparent use of Botox. I would think the lack of facial expressions would be odd. Hmmmm....I have no idea how you would bring it up except to talk about lack of facial expressions like someone else just said. I was thinking of my former T the other day (as I do just about every day). I was thinking of how often her skin looked so young and glowing many...Read More...

Hi Starlight... how wonderful that you now have this great transitional object from T. I had to smile when I read this because after about 2 months of seeing my T he handed me his pen (that he was using) and told me to keep it. I still carry that pen in my purse everywhere I go and if I have a particularly difficult meeting to attend at work I use the pen to take notes or just hold in my hand. A few weeks later he told me about one client he gave a pen to who threw it away the minute she...Read More...

Liese, I appreciate your support and compliment. I think it would show a lot of strength for current T to be able to handle feelings about oT. Seeing oT doesn't stir up emotions. It's strange to me. I see her but feel nothing. My emotions only stir when I try expressing my feelings about what happened or how I felt when she terminated me to someone else. TN, You hit the nail on the head with who was at fault in your situation. You were working hard to get through your stuff and your T...Read More...

OK, here goes again. First, I think this is the best place you could possibly talk about this, because there are tons of people who will understand both your need to exercise your power to run away from the pain that therapy evokes and your desperate desire for T to know and love you the way a parent would. As TN said, you and your T talking about disorganized attachment would probably be a huge help. As an intuitive person who was trained by (OK, I admit it!) abusive parents to read and...Read More...

TAS... what you wrote really resonated with me (btw it was very well written and explained) because I had this same conversation with my T yesterday. I'm sorry for what you suffered through and I totally understand the anger and grief all mixed into it. I guess that is what we have to work through and process... the anger and grief. My T keeps telling me that I don't have to do this alone and that if I allow him in it will be much easier for me and I will heal. I pretty much told him he's...Read More...

Oh Mudd I feel so bad for you!! OMG he should have been telling you about this HUGE sabbatical break long before you opened up to him. I mean I have no idea when he figured it out but still. How painful. I think that therapists need to be very very clear on when they are about to leave or take a break or what have you especially with those who have PTSD or a history of abuse. I feel he was irresponsible here. ON the other hand I know you feel pretty close to him. You must be so torn as to...Read More...

Thank you TN I keep trying to tell myself that too.Read More...

Hello lovely people, I don't have time to reply individually right now, plus unfortunately am kind of fuzzy headed at the moment, but wanted to at least write briefly to thank you all for the replies. I loved reading about your sessions and how venting plays out in therapy for you. I have to say, it was kind of fun. And probably also bonding as Catalyst said, cathartic, and a good experience of being emotionally in the moment. Upon reflection, it probably was a productive session. Nice to...Read More...

((((TURTLE))) You made a difficult and courageous decision. It WILL be hard for sure but worth it in the long run. I haven't been so brave yet.Read More...

Aw, bummer. I'll have to come up with a better suggestion for next year. Well, at least you made him laugh! Was that kind of fun or did it bother you? Sorry if I set you up for feeling insulted by your T.Read More...

(((BG))) Even since I've been on this forum, I have seen you make huge progress. I hope to "grow up" one day and not feel like I need T and the only solution to it is to run away completely from him. Talk about bad timing, last night he randomly said something about his life not being in his control, from a spiritual perspective, and how he could be gone tomorrow. It was in response to my feeling like I am "dragging him along" on this horrible, unending journey with me. He was saying I can't...Read More...

Hey, Thanks so much to everyone who responded and "voted" on what course you would take. It's helpful to read different opinions and perspectives. I am still not sure what I want to do yet, but am leaning to doing phone sessions at least for the next few weeks. I have been asking myself this since yesterday. It's strange because while my parents had some problems and our family dynamics were not the healthiest, in a physical, practical, day to day sense they were there. So this piece of my...Read More...

Liese. IM sorry you had to through that. Just try to remember it has nothing to do with you. But with them and their own issues. I was so sick on Easter, the entire day was ruined and I missed slot of pre planned things including the class I teach at my Church....which on a holiday is very very busy. None was upset or made me feel.bad. If I had been dealing with my parents when they drank heavily however, then it would have been a different story. Not your fault stall. Easier said than done,...Read More...

That's funny Turtle. T called me by mistake once instead of her daughter. I answered the phone "Hello" ....she says "Hey...what you doing?" Total Un-T like thing to say. I slowly say "nothing"...."what are you doing?" Then she realized it wasn't her daughter and apologized profusely! Was so weird at the time, but funny now.Read More...

....what Poppet said. About running again Hang in there TAS. He's not going anywhere...you remind me of me sometimes. I "tested" my old T non stop.Read More...