When I told T about this place, he first expressed interest and curiosity. After thinking it over a couple of weeks, I decided I'd give him the web address if he was curious, because I trusted him and I don't say anything on here that I don't eventually tell him anyway. He appreciated my being willing to do it, but said that he didn't really have time to go on and read it and I know from other conversations that he doesn't really do forums (nothing against them, just no time and preference...Read More...

happy easter everyone! puppetRead More...

My T does hug. And honestly, I think if I asked, or gestured...she would hug me a lot more often...but, I struggle with other feelings about being worthy of it, forcing her to do it, and things that are reflective of my baggage. I think sometimes when our T's set boundaries, or don't interfere with bizarre ones we set for ourselves about recognizing where they don't have one - They are simply allowing us the space and strength to deal with things on our own. And maybe they know, as I fear...Read More...

Thanks Greeneyes. Yes relationships are very important. I have some very good friends who I have known for decades. They are good people and would give me the shirt off of their backs if necessary and I in turn would do the same for them. So that is a good thing huh? I think it is more that I am doing some spring cleaning here. I am sure that T means well but there is something about her that just sets me on edge. I like her and I would miss her but honestly my life has been so disrupted...Read More...

Oh! And I found two other things help me a lot too: reading your text out loud to yourself and walking around while you're reading. Granted, you'll look silly, but it really keeps me concentrated. Hope that helps anyone!Read More...

I am glad I mustered up the nerve to start this topic and am especially glad to receive such thoughtful feedback. I am learning a lot from all of you. I love to hear how so many of us are putting an end to neglect and the dysfunctional cycles and showing affection to our kids and watching them grow up and be able to show healthy affection to one another and to their own kids. I have read about how an adult will overcompensate for what they lacked growing up and I can definitely see the fruit...Read More...

Hi TAS, I think mutual trust is important. It took me ages and ages to trust T, not cos she ever did anything but remain even and constant, but because I find trust difficult. But she trusted me and that was really empowering in our relationship, especially when I was being so damned awkward at the beginning. So if I had done something wrong as you said you did, for me, knowing that she trusted me still would strengthen our relationship and help it to grow. She has said that there is nothing...Read More...

I remember that, yeah. That's how I feel...just more people telling me I'm too much or thinking I'm lying or exaggerating or manipulating. (((Liese))) Thanks, you helped me feel less alone.Read More...

No texting, no e-mailing, no phone calls...the latter only allowed if it has something to do with appt. changes.Read More...

Thank you EVERYONE for your replies...things are still plugging along...I still think he doesn't like me and now when he calls about appt. changes...I think he is angry with me because he is so short and to the point. I just feel that he doesn't want me and is trying to have as little contact as possible because he doesn't want to deal with me. I haven't said this to him because I don't want to come across as accusatory. I don't know. I do know THERAPY SUCKS! Just when you think you are over...Read More...

((((DAISY)))) I had a best friend about 15 years ago. I really liked her a lot. (Do I sound like I'm 5 instead of almost 50?) At some point I found out that she had developed a really deep relationship with another woman but had hidden it from me. I was mortified when I found out about the depth of their friendship. It was clear the friendship had been developing for some time by the time I found out about it. I felt like she hid it from me because she thought I would be hurt by her other...Read More...

Hey Guys - Sorry I haven't updated. Been out of sorts a bit. I have decided to not go back for now. I am taking a therapy break. It's going ok so far. I started a diet/healthy eating plan today. I don't have a ton of weight to lose but I know it will help me feel better overall. I have two more weeks of my meds wean and I am proud that I am doing it on my own. I emailed with old T last week and got some closure that I needed and I think that has helped me to feel more stable. I'm still...Read More...

Thanks BLT for giving me your insight....I totally see your viewpoint and gives me ideas to think about. And thanks Liese....background, well he's been in practice for over 20yrs and does do cbt with me. He has helped in so many ways, I couldn't even drive to his office when I first saw him, the commute was only 12 mins away...I could barely leave my house. He has since moved locations to another state that is just less than half hr drive from my house to his new location...and I'm able to...Read More...

Thanks you guys. You make it seem more do-able. I was in it briefly before but didn't have a therapist that supported it. This time I will have a therapist who supports it. I just don't want to spend most of my therapy time talking about skills if you know what I mean. And yes I am just like you catalyst in that I would make an ice cream machine too!Read More...

First thing i thought of like you, is being sent to the principal office. That overwhelming feeling if dread & all the trickle down effect it will cause bec I won't be I'n the same mood when I come out. I also get extremely defensive like I'm getting ready for a fight & I always promise myself that I won't cry or show any soft emotions. When I come out it takes 2 days to feel normal again.Read More...

My eyelid is so swollen, I look like Rocky. I don't want to go out of my house tomorrow, don't want people looking at me and wondering if I got hit or something, definitrly don't want T to see me looking like this. I hate being seen enough as it is without giving people a reason to stare.Read More...

I looked slightly in my T's general direction the other day and he made a huge deal about the "eye contact" I had given him, which for him meant I wasn't looking anywhere but at him. I don't remember even looking at him...I spaced out, lol. By the time I do manage to look (glance?) at my T, he always seems happy to see me and positive. He wishes I would take that in more, but I guess I find it threatening? There are some things I've brought up to T that he has worked to change as a result of...Read More...

Thank you all for your input. I know it's not good for me to not go back to t. however, I can't afford it anymore. I don't know how to post updates so I did it under my first post. any additional input would be greatly appreciated. thanks!Read More...

Hey you, Yes, it was along those lines, I think. I'm kind of foggy right now. Did T2 tell you if it's good thing or a bad thing that you're going through developmental trauma right now? It sounds like a bad thing but it sounds like it could also be a good thing. Not sure. The fluidity concept sounds interesting, almost like you are sitting back and watching a little more, watching things flow in and flow out? I can't remember exactly what it is I was going to say but I do relate to trying to...Read More...

hi anagum, its just a very quick reply as i dont have time now - and i will come back later... but i just wanted to say... you are giving yourself a week to sort out something so major?? i think you are being too hard on yourself. i think setting such harsh goals will only make it harder. take your time. and i'm sure your T must know how slow progress usually is. i think it will probably be an issue that you will revisit and improve on in time, unfortunately there is no fix it once and for...Read More...

Thanks you guys. Yeah your advice is solid about getting out and doing things. It is very good advice yet so hard for me. I tend to isolate and withdraw. That's why structured things (during the week) suit me better. I appreciate all of your care and concern. I am glad it's Monday!!Read More...

Hi GreenEyes, I know you are right.. speaking up just seems like doing the impossible. After all these years I am sooooo close to what I always wanted: I know she cares about me, I am not afraid to tell her things, she treats me as a normal human being and not just a patient... I know I'll lose that if I 'make' myself into the patient again. The only reason we communicate as healthy normal adults is because she thinks that I am one.Read More...

Oh, definitely! I agree with you both. (btw, just to clarify, I said that about the postpartum stuff to maybe help Catalyst "feel better", not to minimize the attack)Read More...

(((IrishX))) Oh, amen to that! If I could do things over again I would ideally have done a year or two of therapy before having kids, but then, their existence has probably brought some of my own attachment issues closer to the surface so maybe it wouldn't have been the same. Who knows? Be that as it may, I started with T when my daughter was seven months old and then my son was born about a year later-- and it's hard to describe in a brief post, but things went so much more smoothly with...Read More...