Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and opinions. I really enjoyed reading all the responses. PFRead More...

Hi EJ, Thank you for sharing that with me. I haven't at this point considered going to an Al-Anon meeting but thank you for suggesting it. It's good to know it's there as a possible form of support. Have a great day. LongRoadRead More...

that is so awesome SB :elatedRead More...

For me it came from several things: - being shamed, by my family and childhood therapist so it partly is protective of myself: it is bad to ask for anything. - the other part is just family history: my needs (non-vital needs, so not food and shelter, but emotional) were always shown as hurtful to my mother. The only way to have my needs met would be if the person sacrificed herself... and then would end up leaving me, because who would want to stay with someone with "so many needs"? +... my...Read More...

(((About))) I love those moments! I'm glad you were able to experience that the types of therapy I do are inclined to that sort of experimental stuff too and I always leave those sessions feeling gentle in the world and gentle to myself. So sweet to read this.Read More...

Thanks Affinity.... I felt really (!!!!!!) Awkward and weirded out emailing her at first - mainly when id get a reply. It simply felt TOO INTIMATE. Like she was in my house. Felt dangerously close. Now, most of the time I can open her email but sometimes if I'm feeling particularly vulnerable I cant open it for hours and hours. Most of the time I will skim it first - if it feels too intense I will wait til I can read it properly. my T doesn't do ph calls - but I couldn't cope with that for...Read More...

Thank you Liese, Asking for what I need and actually getting that need met is really a strange feeling for me and it was so incredibly hard for me to even ask for what I need but I am glad I did.Read More...

PF when reading your paragraph you could have been speaking directly for me. I have always been so close to my mom. Now I am starting to realize all of the emotional abuse and the control she uses. I have been pulling away as well and have not spoken to her since Sunday. I know that's only 3 days but it is a huge deal as we usually speak multiple times a day. She lives on the same street as me!! I can't remember anything prior to 8 years old. How long was it for you PF before the memories...Read More...

Hi Affinity, My T doesn't talk much about inner kid stuff, but he talks about childlike qualities that are in all of us. His big one is about being vulnerable. He has shown his vulnerability a few times. We've had several sessions where both had the giggles and couldn't stop laughing for several minutes. He would have to turn his chair away or I would have to look at the floor to stop. I'm glad to see my T being vulnerable and less stoic. It can be unsettling because it puts a big magnifying...Read More...

((Ms C)) I'm English. We do understatement wellRead More...

That is my understanding too as to why some Ts don't allow txt / email contact - it's very difficult to ascertain 'tone' and the real meaning can be lost or not heard - which would potentially cause more pain for the client. Although in this case - it's easy to see how it's caused pain due to a series of events .... I am allowed to email my T - BUT it's with the clear understanding; it's not for therapy WORK - I can email her what I thinking and feeling, BUT we will talk about it at our next...Read More...

Hi CassEve, For me it's been writing. I kept a personal journal for a number of years. I found writing to be very effective both in providing a safe outlet for my feelings and because I could do that, writing it out often provided me with insight into my behavior and an ability to see overarching themes. It also served as a transitional object to remind me of my sense of connection or good feelings about my therapist when I could not "feel" them. I can be pretty left brained, so it's a way...Read More...

Hi ElizaJ, I am seeing current T this morning and I am planning on discussing her lack of warmth and her responses to me. I will be giving her specifics. I plan on asking her if her stance is one that she thinks she must have for my "psychological illness". I have never had such a cold T before. I have been with three female Ts in the past (over the course of 20 years off and on) and I only had very heavy transference with one. I had to terminate that relationship because my insurance...Read More...

I relate to this. Prior to another major trauma just over 3 years ago, my life was going really well. I had been stable and happy (!!!) for several years, loved life, and 'glad to be alive' ( this after years if depression which states when I was a child). Since the major trauma and subsequent PTSD (childhood trauma re-triggered) I've struggled with what you're describing. So wit was my depression is so bad I am actually suicidal, but even on the days I 'feel great!' I ask myself the lit us...Read More...

That kind of T stance is common in some psychodynamic models of therapy. It would totally trigger me and leave me feeling as you do. It's not a question of her caring - it's just not the right thing for all people at all points of their work perhaps? sbRead More...

Hi MC Do you have people in your lives who do not encourage your self-hate? For me it is often those who treat me well, it can actually trigger suicidal feelings... out of no where. It's a flashback of some sort, emotionally. You're brave to read books, I will occasionally look at articles but I've never fully read a therapy book because I find them triggering and it muddies my therapy. I've taken DBT therapy before, and still see my T who specializes though we do something else now. It was...Read More...

Lovely words... these things can be so vulnerable to share.Read More...

Crying hurts. I feel awful and my head hurts. But, it will pass - hope soon. thanks allRead More...

Hi MsC,AG, and SD, Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. They mean a lot to me. When I first brought up the topic of playfulness my T paused for a moment and said that she recalled having mentioned , in general, but didn't recall saying to me that I should be more playful. My stomach churned, but she encouraged me to continue. There was a light hearted moment at the end of the session when she asked me how I felt about her reply. I looked up at her, paused, and said that she...Read More...

Thank You Passion Fruit. I feel like I have hit a brick wall Regrouping is in order.Read More...

(((Ms.C))) I think many of us are totally unprepared for the experience of counselling and the waking up inside of attachment issues - and the total shock of how painful that can be. Write as much as you need to Ms. C. It helps to make those connections to share your experiences with others who really do 'know' how it is, and it helps those who read and are currently struggling in some rift tide or other of their own therapy experience. Take gentle care sbRead More...

Hi ElizaJ Sorry you had to delete. Hope you are ok. SDRead More...

AG, Thanks for the welcome and response. Your explanation really helped, though for reasons other than abuse. I had a very safe upbringing, but honesty was a "threat" to my emotional safety and physical safety by the end of elementary school. It does help to understand where the fear is coming from. Heldincompassion, your answer was so honest that it really pushed me into reflection. He is a musician and really puts his feelings out there. He's also so open about his anxiety. The thing is,...Read More...

Hi there. I think it is also a personal preference when you are considering the age of your therapist compared to yours. My first two T's were much older than I. I saw them, as you would guess, as "father figures" I guess you could say. Both of them--really GREAT men. My current T is my same age--actually we are only a week apart--and at first I thought it was going to be a problem. But, I have to say, it has really worked out for the best. I actually think he is the most effective therapist...Read More...

I, too, enjoyed the article and very much agreed with it. I know the quality of my relationship with my T is extremely important to me and very healing. Yesterday, we had a fairly light session in which we talked about writing and the artistic temperament (my favorite subjects). There was discloser on both sides, and I left the session feeling warmly connected. I also left wondering if my T felt he was going a bit over the line, because at one point he very abruptly brought the conversation...Read More...