thank you for sharing your story nannabee, you wrote so beautifully and openly, it inspires me... to write my own list perhaps... and to consider the possibility of writing my own story. puppetRead More...

Hi Catalyst I was finally able to relieve some of my emotional pain last night as I sat with God so the pain is still here yet much more manageable. I like how you explained the shame tied to the anger- Thank you that helps alot! : ) I haven't heard from my therapist yet as it is the weekend and he has Fridays off so I will have to wait until Monday. I ended up sending him 3 total emails. One with a prayer request, one asking for a second appt and another deep prayer request based on...Read More...

Uggggghhhhh, I was in the backseat of a car driving around Maine yesterday all day. Got a few moments to myself this morning so I want to thank everyone for replying and respond before I have to get in the back of that car again. (((HELD))) I couldn't cry with my T for a really long time. Finally did cry with him over feeling like he was ignoring my pain . Oh, that really felt good. He WAS ignoring my pain but you know who (FOO) really ignored my pain . So, it was sort of doubly healing. He...Read More...

I was able to let go of some deep sexual pain with my male T. It was really a great feeling once I was able to say it out loud. Now we can talk about orgasm and other sexual words without much shame. Bringing things into the Light feels so good and freeing.Read More...

Thanks everyone. It is fascinating to read about how different T relationships go in all these little details. So fun to learn that some of you make lighthearted, just for fun communications regularly. Knowing this somehow makes me feel like lightening up a bit, lol, as opposed to worrying over this. I'm sure T will just be amused if anything. She hasn't emailed me back but probably she will say something about it at our next session. Looking forward to her reaction.Read More...

I'm sorry that it's taken me a while to respond to people who have posted. Typically, that sense of "this is tough but ok" turned into "this is practically impossible!" as I got through my mother's anniversary and bit of a hiccup (huge understatement) with my T. But I've bounced back a little and was really glad that some of you found my post helpful. Thank you for taking the time to respond. Monte, I agree that anything that takes the pressure off is great. I haven't come across...Read More...

Loving you, Liese!!Read More...

Ooh this sounds like a cool idea – I’d be into a UK meet. Though it sounds like you’re planning it for a year away, which might be too long for a lot of people (who knows how things will be in a year’s time?) Anyway, it’s a great idea, thanks Draggers . Put me on your PM list for next spring. LLRead More...

"I can feel something inside me say, 'I really don't think you're strong enough-- nooo!'" So this thread is reminding me of a song now. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbXiECmCZ94 (((Liese))) (((JenDark))) (((TN))) (((Catalyst))) (((BLT))) Thanks all of you for the responses. It was good to read them and see how others can relate. Seems a lot of us have trouble of one sort or another with the strong concept. I think if I were a T I'd try to go a bit lighter on the cliches, lol. I wonder if...Read More...

i accually cant text at all in fact i don't have her cell number i was accually thinking about other clients and peeps here lolRead More...

Jane, I'm so glad you revived this thread and wow, those things are huge. It is so hard for me to take healthy steps (physical, medical, relational) when I have been struggling, so doing all three of those in one day is amazing. 1. I accepted help from both H and T, even though it terrified me at first. 2. I was able to apply some of the encouragement T gives me on my own. 3. I set a boundary about what I am physically/emotionally capable of doing right now (a family event) without feeling...Read More...

Hi-I may be totally off on this but it must be some kind of balancing act. I kept thinking that I should devote more energy to life and step away since sooo much energy was going to therapy. Then I stopped therapy & so much seemed to turn upside down instead of gaining energy it was gone & there was just a hole in it's place. It was like the thing that was helping me find direction was gone. I have recently restarted after a month and a half with a new T & I already am happy to...Read More...

((scars)) I'm glad you got something figured out!! Thanks for updating. I can relate to making health/family decisions and having it be really crappy financially and you're right... gotta do what you gotta do. Wishing you luck - and I hope you've found good help for the ED (you said you were looking). I was so blessed with the place I found. It has helped a lot... and YEA it was scary!! Worth it though... to be kind to yourself.Read More...

Blanket Girl/ Butterfly - Thank you for your input. I always appreciate others opinions. I decided to delete the post b/c I don't think I articulated what I was trying to say properly. I wrote it out when I was really emotional and tired. But thank youRead More...

My T talks a lot but I can't recall any recurring themes or anything really funny that he has said. He used to start the session with, "So what good thing did you do for yourself?" and it annoyed the shit out of me so I asked him to stop. Now he slips it in at the end, "So what are you going to do for yourself until I see you again?"Read More...

Done. Sheesh surveys are hard for me, because I often have multiple inclinations that I am trying to average out, like I trust him very well, but when dissociated anxiety (usually held by particular parts) gets triggered, I feel untrusting/fearful of rejection, invalidation, abandonment, etc. But, even while feeling fearful, I still "know" he is trustworthy. Anyway, it can make things difficult to answer, because my whole nervous system is behaving as if there is a threat even if I am able...Read More...

2nd hand stores are a great place to look... and you can buy timers and apps on your phone if you have a phone that supports apps. I have one for getting me to sleep it includes kitten purrs, clocks, rain, the ocean, train noise... all kinds of stuff It's said (the ticking stuff) to calm animals down because it's like the sound of a heartbeat? I dunno.Read More...

I have blankets at home that I like to snuggle with on the couch. I bring wolfie and max (another wolf) to sessions in my backpack for the littles, but they rarely need them anymore, like maybe once a month. T sometimes puts one of his blankets on us, but they are wooly, not very soft. But, still, 'cause he has put them on when we're shivering/shaking, it feels special. But one very little part has a really bad reaction to blankets, so I guess I have to be careful with them. We hug the soft...Read More...

(((Monte))) I can very much relate to how seeing your T's own human need, even indirectly, can be such a powerful connector. While my T is sick, I feel mostly pretty well-contained and also just deeply connected to him in a way that isn't full of the terror of my own needs. My T asked me the other day for a recipe of the chili I had brought him some leftovers of about a month ago (which he loved) and he made it for himself and others staying at his home. The best I could do was imagine it...Read More...

DRAGGERS, It's been fun listening to everyone's favorite songs and expanding my universe. I too love The Boxer and I am a Rock. Nannabee, one of my spin instructor's always plays bittersweet symphony but I never knew the name of it before. LOL!Read More...

((((Jane)))) That sounds like severe anxiety and panic attacks. I hate to say this, but its probably what a psychiatrist would also say-you should be on a med regularly for the symptoms you described. Klonopin can be that med, at least for now. Klonopin is also an anti-convulsant; it's addiction propensity is much lower than other meds in its class, like the Ativan. The Ativan should be good for emergencies, and it is short acting. Your doc would probably tell you its ok to take less of the...Read More...

((((CAT)))) Thanks for explaining. It all makes a lot of sense. Cat, I was thinking that it would trigger me as well having a T take away a privilege like that - even if I wasn't doing some deep processing but, yes, magnified tenfold if I was. Even though a part of me might understand it, there is a part of me that wouldn't. When I am digging into those difficult emotions, I need to feel like the therapist wants to be there with me and go through it with me as opposed to being less involved...Read More...

I haven't done it, but I've wished to take T to familiar places from my childhood while talking about stuff. Maybe connecting with things a little more clearly. I doubt T would do a field trip, though, so I've never even thought to ask. Most of the trauma was in current or previous family homes, so it's not like I could just bust in there with my T. Or did you mean alone, not with your T?Read More...

MMM - I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now. Try to let yourself feel as much as you can without re-traumatizing further or else those buried feelings will keep popping up..mostly at very inopportune times. It seems like things happen all at once or not at all, doesn't it? So sorry.Read More...

kmay - I find therapy is cyclical... so I don't think you'd necessarily be going 'back to the beginning'. If you need more grounding skills your T can help you - I've been in therapy a while and always need help/reminders with grounding skills as things come up. I think it gets easier each time, so... maybe you will find that to be true. Some therapies/therapists use exposure - I see two therapists one is less okay with exposure therapy than the other (because exposure can make my ED worse).Read More...