Catalyst/ Liese - Thank you. What may seem like simple comments to you truly did motivate me. I got in on Friday morning. Got through the session and departed without the breakdown I had the prior week. We didn't talk much about the breakdown. I asked T alot of questions about some things that have come up recently (regarding my "Why is this happening" post). We talked about my P's plans to change my meds. I was honest with her about how absolutley shitty I feel lately and my thoughts of...Read More...

Since others are talking about how their therapist refers to them... T has no problem calling me (or any parts) by names. He uses all parts names effortlessly, though he hits a snag with "he" pronouns sometimes, because though they present as male inside, "we" are female. He has called me Kiddo...a lot and for a long time. I've had no less than six people randomly call me that since starting therapy (including T and the psychiatrist I saw very briefly) without prompting. Weird, since my dad...Read More...

The online interpretations seem to fit me well, at least in my subjective experience of myself. I dunno what the war zone explains (one of the sites said lots of moving is wanting to change oneself for the better). But I do know it makes my bed annoying to make in the morning with the blankets all up in a pretzel. Sometimes I wake up with my head at the foot end of the bed. Hee. Thanks for the links.Read More...

Thank you for all your support. I'm glad Dragonfly. Thinking of writing him another letter to ask before I go to court.Read More...

(((Liese))) Thanks for sharing your session. I'm glad your T is coming through for you and you're more able to stay with and express your feelings to him. That's AMAZING work you're doing.Read More...

Thank you Draggers! It means a lot coming from you. You are right normally I do exactly what you described.....being angry/irritated/hurt etc etc and just doing it anyway in order to keep the peace or not offend. I have to say it is a huge relief to just say "no" and be done with it. Thanks for your support! B2WRead More...

(((starifishy))) Thanks for the hugs. (((Bfly))) Thanks, sweetie. I hope he's better soon. Cutting short today and Wednesday felt ok, because I am too busy to fall apart, but losing Monday might be destabilizing. Aww, Monte, you expressed just how I feel. (((Hugs))) I know it must be so hard not being able to take care of your lovely T right now. Liese, yeah, seriously. There are no other ultra caregivers in my family. How lovely would it be to have someone do that to me...you know, if I...Read More...

((((MOTIVATED))) I'm so glad your T didn't give up on you either. I've often felt the same way you do about therapy. It's an incredibly difficult process with so many potential minefields and pitfalls. I think I'm on the other side of the worst of it and can truly say that it was worth it. There's no denying it was brutal at times. There was a year there when I wasn't functioning at all. I cried A LOT by myself. But I feel more at peace now than I ever have before in my life. And, don't be...Read More...

Thank you Dragonfly I knew from the beginning that NewT would just be there until December. I also hope OldT will be willing to have a meeting with NewT and me, where we can discuss if there is some ground for further work together. Thank you for your suggestion. It is a good advice. I have talked about it with NewT. He says he´s not going to leave me until he know´s I´m safe with another T, OldT or some other. Hearing him say that makes me less anxious about the whole situation. He also...Read More...

Motivated, Coping in all the wrong ways of course Im working on it....Read More...

Blanket Girl & Anonymously, Sorry for the late response but just wanted to say thank you. I really appreciate your input and supportRead More...

Thanks FriendsRead More...

((Brokes)) Hope your session went okay. Update us when you can! I don't remember if my Ts have used the exact term 'pushing away' but they do say I don't allow things in or out which I think is the same. I'm triggered the second anyone tries to connect with me (or was, anyway - getting better). I find it interesting how all attachment styles seem to "push away" in some manner. I didn't feel the love, clingy stuff, desire for connection, etc to my T at first (for a long time) it took a lot of...Read More...

I didn't know it was going to be this hardRead More...

OK so I am a little late to respond... Meet the Fockers (all of them) Slumdog Millionaire Driving Miss Daisy Steel Magnolias Fried Green tomatoes One flew over the cuckoos nest Liar Liar Ace Venture Pet detective Best Exotic Marriot hotel Arthur Mississippi burning Dead Poet's society Forest GumpRead More...

Hi Pingu, Glad you liked it! Thanks for letting me know.Read More...

UPDATE - When I called my P to get the consent to release the info from my T, he said that he doesn't want me to ween off the Zoloft yet. He wants that to be a last resort. He is supposed to add something (like a booster) to it but I need to go in and talk to him first. Had an appointment yesterday, but my back went out on Sunday so I have been laying on the couch stuck since then...getting more depressed...Read More...

Dragonfly! So sorry all of that happened. What a learning experience that must have been. Boundaries can seem negative at times...but ultimately, I guess they serve their purpose in keeping us safe, yes? I hope things are going better for you now, and thank you for sharing your story! To better days, T.Read More...

Nothing to add or offer but hugs to you (((CAT))) I do agree that it may be an opportunity to re-experience an old situation with a new, repairative outcome, as shitty as that may be to work through. It sucks living in black and white. I hear that blending the two adds nice variety into life, but I'm still not sure how that works...!Read More...

I agree that to have your T offer something like this is a HUGE compliment! It's a very tempting offer! I like what BG said - definitely fully and from all possible angles, explore this with your T. The only thought that popped into my head is that what if you still want her to be your T? Just because you are a T doesn't need you will be automatically free of anything that you currently might want to talk to a T about. As nice as it would be to work with her, it might also be nice to have...Read More...

I am planning on delving deep into this in my next session. I think it's time. I talk about it but I do skirt around a big issue; the issue that I feel like my heart has been broken and that I am completely and hopelessly still hung up on oldT. I need to talk it out with T. I know. It's very difficult when I haven't admitted my attraction feelings towards oldT to newT. That holds me back. I think it holds me back the most because I don't want to admit that it was even true. OldT definitely...Read More...

lol, Cat, did not die laughing at your post although your last comment did make me smile. Sorry I did not reply before now. The exercise did not seem all that strange to me, because I have gone to see a hypnotherapist a couple times for learning relaxation, etc. and she's talked me through some similar things. I've never used it for nausea before though so I was wondering how you did that. Thank you for explaining. I was actually trying it just this morning and it helped a little. And thanks...Read More...

Thank you for all your responses. Therapy has been good but so intense. He and I talked through what happened and he tried to reassure me. He showed me how he could be firm and raise his voice without anger and still be there. It helped but it is still terrifying. But it allowed me to go into a deep memory that still affects me.i know there is a long way to go. Thank you for your answers, any shared experiences would be appreciated. AngelaRead More...

((B2W))I'm sorry you've had that experience. What you said about having a right to feelings resonated with me. It's something I'm only just starting to learn after watching my mother express all sorts of feelings in glorious technicolour and being terrified of them. I also believed everyone who thought I couldn't possibly have any feelings about this woman who didn't really bring me up. But I do. I have too many feelings! Thanks for your optimism, Liese. I think it's going to take a while...Read More...

Hi Monte...thanks for the update. You have managed to accomplish something that has been difficult for me... that is sitting near your T and being able to have him touch your arm or shoulder while you are talking (doing therapy). My T shakes hands and will pat my shoulder when I'm LEAVING but I need/would like some contact during the session. I think managing this would be really helpful in allowing me to be less fearful of T. Right now I have a hard time tolerating his closeness even when I...Read More...