((((COGS)))) So great to hear about what's been going on for you. It was great to hear that things are feeling a little better with your T. It's so hard when all those negative feelings, though, just won't go away. I struggle with that too and it's tough. Maybe someday? It sounds like you've made amazing progress!Read More...

I have shifted a bit in how I manage my friendships - I have different friends for different things (no relationship can satisfy every need or be the same). I've always had friends (not very many close ones) and many acquaintances because I enjoy group activities. I'm still not a big emoter, I've told my closest friends more and been vulnerable there but I still keep things to myself because that's just me - I will reach out when I need help now but my personality is the same. I'm not big on...Read More...

Unbroken/catalyst - Thanks for the responses. That sounds so awful and I'm so sorry you both had to go through that. It never dawned on me before that this could happen b/c I have been seeing my T on and off for a really really long time. But when I read about it happening to others, it really tore at my heart when I tried to put myself in their shoes...just awful. I think I may ask my T about it. Especially since I am about to go through a medicine change and I really really need her around...Read More...

thank you both! Yes, I made myself vulnerable as did T.Read More...

Aww, Draggers, thanks so much for the encouragement that I am not a major fail and all the hugs. Yeah, getting help here is similar, you have to fight, and the great majority of stuff will be declined, and you can be in appeals for a year or two and still end up declined. So, my biggest fear is T will have done all this work for nothing, but it is important to my H that I try my best to apply, because it has become obviously to everyone that I can't hold down a regular job right now. Even...Read More...

I understand your feelings. I pray that we all find inner peace one day because we've struggled so much in our lives thus far that I believe that we all deserve some sort of reprieve. You do so much, Anon. You deserve to exist just as much as the rest of us here in the world. I know it's sometimes hard to believe that. I, too, find myself questioning how much of something I deserve. I also have been known to distract myself by getting things done, or as you said "pummeling myself into...Read More...

Re: I need some luck, thoughts, and hugsRead More...

i read all this shortly after my original post and couldn't make myself respond. i just want to let you know that all of your replies touched me deeply and i felt SO much less alone. so thank you all (((( HUGS )))) ((( brokes ))) i know some of your story and i just want to say that i hope someday you can get some resolution with what happened. ((( Summer ))) i'm sorry you were forced into quitting when you didn't want to. that sucks. yeah, it's nice to fantasize that you'll get the response...Read More...

hope you do some catching up (((Draggers))). Wish I could offer remedies to you all but you got most established methods covered!!!Read More...

Btw - thank you. That makes alot of sense. I'm not gonnalet this get the better of me. I have two wonderful children to care for and I'm gonna work hard on figuring this all out and stop hiding and stuffing. I don't want to end up just like my parents....that is my biggest fear. I never want my kids to feel even an ounce of what I went through.Read More...

(((jane))) Just my two cents, but I don't think you said anything out of line or rude here. To me, this just read like being appropriately assertive and taking care of yourself. I see nothing to apologize for. I'm not sure why doctors would ask about the PTSD-- maybe concern over a physical cause or result that could need treatment/may have gone untreated? Maybe to explore if you need medication or a referall to a therapist or p. doc? IME, medical doctors rarely ask personally nosy...Read More...

I'm sad as well tonight....taken a bit of a break from the boards, just trying to live life as they say. I took a break from therapy too, but decided to go back recently. All the feelings of failing, not being able to do it, well, I have accepted that right now, it helps. Simple as that. I am so sad about partiular situations in my life right now and so used to running away from pain, sadness, and heartache. Tonight, the last few weeks, I find myself wanting still to run by reverting back to...Read More...

(((Cat))) I get what you mean about being more sympathetic to others than to yourself - I'm the same in that respect. (((Unbroken)))It is the feeling that I "deserve" (complicated word) to have that permission - that is where I am stuck. (((Ninna))) Even though my examples may be slightly different to yours, I agree it was all the stuff about being told as a child that crying was for babies, "cowboys don't cry" (not that I was a cowboy - tomboy yes, cowboy no). I got the idea that I always...Read More...

Hi Ninna, Thanks for checking in. I have been doing okay. I had been struggling with really opening up and feeling in session. I had also been having a hard time just feeling while I was alone, too. So, I tried making a time for myself to sit with my feelings and feel them. That's been working for me. I sit by myself, give myself permission to feel things, and also coach my inner child that it's okay to open up. Feeling in session was a whole other challenge for me. I couldn't feel. I...Read More...

Hi Lucy_G, Welcome! I just wanted to put in my thoughts...along the lines of what others are saying. Personally it has taken me a long time to get comfortable with this but I do it a lot...today it worked out well. What I'm saying is there's nothing wrong with changing your mind. If in your next appt. you have found that you really need the once-a-week appt. then just tell her...my lesson in it has been asking for what I need as I have never been one to ask for help. Anyways, I just wanted...Read More...

Hi all again Thanks for yur replies, Had a bit of a set back (see other post- 'Ouch') basically out of the blue my T has suggessted i see her once every 2weeks, instead of weekly!!! That really hurt! and as I was just beginning to 'trust' and starting to think about allowing myself to be dependant, sure glad i didnt totally go with this, although I am already quite attached to her BLT- Yeh I can imagine being referred to another T is quite stressful, I have been throught this too, my...Read More...

((BG)) I'm glad you feel better today. I'm glad the librarian was so sweet - sometimes when we don't expect it, people can hit that 'spot' if they are the right person, and it's the right time. So sorry about your situation - I hope the stubborn subsides - I've heard tons of stories about how absolutely hard getting older parents to transition is.Read More...

Thanks Blanket Girl, yes I know what you mean...and I do know all that...Just that I struggle so hard with the dilema...My T is good and I trust her, so why am I afraid to show my feelings... Is it the same trust and not to fear? I mean...If you trust somebody completly than you are not afraid?Read More...

Hi Everyone - Thanks so much for all of your responses. I have to admit I'm having a really rough day today (it's tomorrow) and I keep thinking that I wish I could just fast-forward. All of your posts and support make me feel better. Thanks, guys.Read More...

Dear LK, hugs for you I understand the bad feeling of being terminated by a T that you trust and love. My termination happened in December last year. It was a littlebit different because it was me who couldn´t do it anymore. In September I felt that my T became absent and I started to feel terrible, didn´t know why. I could not eat, slept 2-3 hours a night and felt terrible all the time. I tried to talk about it to T, but she didn´t understand me. In December I was so exhausted I terminated...Read More...

Well you could just tell him that if he wants her to do the activity you give him permission to pick her up at your convenience, take her to the activity and then drop her off once again at a time that is convenient to you. That way he will be doing the running around. If he is not happy with doing the running around then how can he expect you to be happy with it? You have your life, another child to consider and everyday household chores, as well as your duty as a mother to fit in quality...Read More...

Thanks (((xoxo))) My insurance doesn't pay for my nutritionist either, but she's been instrumental in my recovery, so it's worth the sacrifice of paying out of pocket. This is a sensitive subject, I understand that, and appreciate your cautionary words. You are so right - you never know, and if your words help one other person escape the pain, all the better. (((puppet))) I hadn't thought of burn out, since this has lasted several months, it just seems to be worse right not cause of...Read More...

Brokes- thanks for all the advice, really hice to hear from someone else who's had similar experiences What is the main theme of my anxiety is my friendships like "Was she being cold with me?" and then I get reaaaally worried and obsess over everything that happens between us. I also worry about being left out of the group and stuff. But lately, having gone into a serious year I am stressing about study and school etc. Update; I had two TERRIBLE days, where I felt everything was...Read More...

Thanks xoxo and Liese for your comments and thoughts. I do appreciate them and they have made me think. Sorry I haven't replied before now. I've tried a couple times, but it seems as if the frustration with T is coming from a very young and currently very vocal (in my thoughts) part of me, and it's a struggle to detach enough from it to write about the frustration with any level of maturity or intelligence beyond that of an annoyed five year old. I don't know if that makes any sense. It's...Read More...

Just needed some rest Morgs. Thank you for this.Read More...