Re: The power of a smile.Read More...

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"The client sees the theorists actions as disproportionally magnified" oh how much I relate to that. I don't have DID but I still feel the article explains how I feel and the struggles I have / are having in therapy. For the first time I seem to be finally working with a T who is AWARE of how super-sensitive I am - other Ts have inadvertently caused further harm and further trauma and shame, by some if the things they've said or done (due to my disproportional responses).Read More...

Hi SP, lol... You and me both LongRoadRead More...

Thanks everyone. Hang in there, all of you!Read More...

(((MC))) I'm not sure how you discovered the things that are the roots of your problems now, but I can imagine not really knowing is scary. Being paranoid makes sense. I'm not sure what it is like exactly but I do know there are a number of people who have come to things much later. Hopefully someone else can chime in on then dream stuff and connections. I get triggered with recovered memory stuff and my own personal stuff puts me in a cautious position. There is a lot more room for fluidity...Read More...

GG, So sorry for what your going through. That totally sucks. I am glad you blasted her. I think she deserved it....with all due respect. And, I would be feeling very much like what you described too. She could have demonstrated more empathy and warmth. You're clearly in a vunerable state right now and to leave you like she did was not right. I hope you take care of you. Don't take your anger out on yourself. Try not too.Read More...

Yes, Ghost-girl, we can't feel your exact feelings, but can relate and be supported by reading what happens to people like us who have deep Transference problems. Frankly, there is just no one in my community I would share a word with like we do here.Read More...

The baby couldn't have survived anyway as it had no food (milk) milk I watched it all the way to the end anyway - but it was pretty awful :/Read More...

come back when you need, we'll be here!Read More...

in 20 years of different Ts i have never EVER made real eye contact ….. its too intense … my 1st T, i can count on one hand how many times i looked up at her - 4 times - in a 7 year period. it was shame, and then it became a weird thing in that she went on and on and ON about it so much, it left me even more self conscious that i could NEVEr look up for fear of it being such a huge deal (and id feel more shame) my 2nd T, i did look at her - buuuuuutttttt - i had my glasses off - so i could...Read More...

I really like what you said about imagining your therapist with you when traumatic things happened in your past. I think it would help a lot to imagine T defending you and putting things straight in your behalf.Read More...

Quote: "At one point he told me that I have to stop thinking about us and stop analyzing it and just feel it." True North, that comment you made is so good, and so true of me, that I must remember it every day!Read More...

Getting back to the public mode, or work mode, was hard for me. I was so turned in I could hardly drive, much less deal with the public. But it did help to get into some red-faced anger about something or other, while I was driving down the road after session. I think of something to generate real anger a few minutes, and it grounded me, made me switch into protector mode, and fierce reality. The inner child is pushed back to hide behind my skirts, so to speak, and lets me get on with the...Read More...

Thank you all so much. Your marvellous replies really reinforce my overall feeling that this was something good. Yesterday it struck me that perhaps it had such impact because no one ever has had that sort of contact or known me so well. I know that could be both sad and good. I have no ability to feel my feelings at the moment so I think I tend to over think:-) but it feels like a step forward. Thank you again and lovely to 'meet' you all xRead More...

I have tried using affirmations on post it notes on my mirror in the bathroom. I try to tell myself I have "inherent worth" because I believe we all do. It is hard shedding the garbage of messages I have received throughout my life. I have faith I will have a more accurate perception of myself and my worth one of these days...Read More...

Yay, ElizaJ!!Read More...

Incog, it is so very difficult. Keep pushing through. This is the very hardest part of therapy. It took forever for me to "break" the ice with my T. You are heading in the right direction. Patience sucks and it takes time. Give yourself permission to feel what you're feeling right now. It's okay to feel what you are going through now. Working through certain things can take a back and forth feel. He may not be avoiding you, but trying to give time and thought on how to proceed with you.Read More...

Thanks Yaku I get the same feelings of shame and undeserving. T and I talked on this for probably 20 minutes. We talked about relating the 'flashback' I was experiencing to stuff with my Mom and messages there. T again said she was just being unconscious and I know she ends that way with other people. I asked what I can do next time so it's okay or what we can do. She stated for the 100th time I did nothing wrong and then said if she ever forgets again tell her I need my hug. I can do it in...Read More...

Catalyst - thank you for your words. I hope I can find the courage some day to ask my T about it, too. I think that hardest part for me is he told me he would say no if I asked, so I feel like I'm being desperate if I ask him why. I really want to know why, but the thought of his rejection is scary. I've recently been wanting to ask for a hug and it's painful. Veryhopeful - thanks for sharing your story. It's always nice to read how people can work hard sessions out with their T, especially...Read More...