Thank you, my Aglet... fortunately my T is still just any other guy, and not divinely inspired or drop dead gorgeous or anything, but- it worries me that I no longer seem to hate going to therapy. right back atcha! miss you- starfishy, my love...spring is early here, too, but I've misplaced the laundry fairies again, and now have to do the wash myself. It is very sad. I miss you-Read More...

Well, today was a little better. I was able to cognitively push myself through the emotional certainty that he was going to judge, reject certain things I was saying and shared some self-analysis and some vulnerable stuff too. We had a nice Skype session and while there wasn't a huge sense of connectedness (now that we sit close physically in office sessions, it's hard NOT to feel disconnected on the phone), there was a HUGE sense of him understanding me and making connections (either...Read More...

lost track of which thread I was writing on and posted my update on this under "OW - it hurts" on the stories forum. Could cut and paste but didn't know what to do really....as it applies to both threads. at least this is a simple issue to be confused about - LOL - rather than my usual difficulties...Read More...

I would give it at the end. OR give it at the beginning incase I feel mad as hell at him by the end. LOL I have done both. I usually hand the card over early and say " I am giving you it now cos I have no idea how I will feel about you by the end of the session so it is safer to give you it now, that way at least you get it." When I am very nervous of giving something I wait until the end - becos all the way through I am still weighing up whether or not to give it and then I make a last...Read More...

that is pretty funny!Read More...

crave her approval all the time. sometimes i want to seduce her. i often still wonder how i feel toward her. how id feel if id never met her in the therapy situation and would i still like her the same way,erotically. im not sure. i do want to impress her with what i can do yet at the same time i am scared about what she will think about what i do so its a double edged sword. ive wanted to impress her with how i dress but id feel so ashamed and studpid because she is clever enough to know...Read More...

DaRock Talk about pressure. You are going to be walking this fine line here trying not to be too needy and you won't be able to relax and enjoy the relationship. I'm sorry you feel that way about her. Hopefully you can work through your issues with your T and everything will just go smoothly. LieseRead More...

Wow thank you so much for all your great replies! It never stops to amaze me that sharing fears and having them validated and seeing that we all have them makes me feel immediately better! Need to keep practicing I understand life happens and (although unlikely) my T can indeed die. The thing is, my relationship with him is pretty much the first honest and deep relationship I've ever had (sad and depressing i know) so I'm not as optimistic about getting over him and finding someone else to...Read More...

My T's receptionist is her daughter-in-law. Their relation hasn't really caused any problems for me, although I do have other issues with the receptionist. Most of the time she is very pleasant and cheerful and conversational, but that has been greatly overshadowed by two major rifts between us over the past 3 yrs -- one of them recent. I was experiencing major frustrations over scheduling and having panic that there was no room for me in T's life because it was a constant battle to get the...Read More...

Re: What do you do?Read More...

Blue. Beautiful. She is beautiful when I look into her eyes but also intimidating. She knows where my vulnerabilities are now. She knows that I hate silence after talking about something sensitive. She wants to stay with the moment and let me feel my vulnerability in front of her and when I look at her eyes, I feel so small and shameful. She's so beautiful *sigh*. I feel like I'm in love with her or something.Read More...

So glad the visit went well and I hope the work on this release is going (or has gone) smoothly! (((AG))) Thanks for all you do around here! It's a blessing.Read More...

Oh no... I'm such a "dude".Read More...

I would say both that your experience is not too unusual, but also that it can change. To me, not being able to have eye contact during sex, and fantasizing about other people or scenarios, especially during sex are both ways of avoiding deeper intimacy. But you can also heal and learn ways past those thing.Read More...

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking a lot right now after finding out she's only two years older than me. She's all professional and put together, and here I am whining about stuff and seeming to not make much progress very quickly. I started to feel more attached to her, but I don't know if I can with her being so close in age. I haven't seen her for two weeks and she's still gone for another ~ so I guess I'll have to see how it goes when I see her again. I know I'm too picky. I didn't want...Read More...

Thanks Liese I go to therapy tomorrow, and for some reason I am too scared to go. Somehow I have lost a little bit of trust in my T and wonder if I really can talk to her. That maybe she's pushing me out of my comfort zone for a good reason, or perhaps it's because she is tired of me. She knows what I am going through no - the uncertainty, the emotional chaos and the overall confusion going on, but yet she sticks to her disicion to not let me write her things anymore, but talk about them.Read More...

Hi Forgetmenot, I am glad it made sense to you! Anyway what I want to say now is try and stop complicating your analysis of yourself - give yourself a break from that. We can't change our history but we can change our futures. To people who have not been really hurt as such, vulnerability is not a weakness. You are not weak, you are human, and part of being human is being vulnerable sometimes. Think about what you really really want and dare to dream! All the best!Read More...

Today (well, technically yesterday), February 28th, the Empire State Building was lit up in green in an effort to bring awareness to Eating Disorders for National Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2012 Here's a link: Empire State Building Recognizes NEDARead More...

That was so cool!!!! Reading again... From an attachment/trust standpoint it all makes perfect sense! No wonder I get depressed, I feel like I can see several moves ahead in the "game" and I try to pretend that I'm never going to hear the words "checkmate". If it is presented as a game, rather than an honest interaction between two human beings, is it doomed to fail? So... found this, just read it this morning, from that book I keep talking about: "If the therapist puts himself behind a...Read More...

Hey, you know, I was just going to do WITHOUT a pain consultant. But you are right, there have to be OTHERS out there. I could ask for another referal He was truly obnoxious.Read More...

Our set-up is pretty limited. My T. works in a clinic and just has an ordinary office. There are three chairs: T.'s rolly desk chair, and two ordinary chairs side by side. I always sit in the one directly across from T. We're about 4 feet apart. I'd like to be closer sometimes but I don't think it's going to happen. It would be interesting to see if it would change anything.Read More...

I think as long as we are in an intimate relationship with ourselves is what matters most?Read More...

1. Are you Married? Yes, it will be 26 years in May (which believe me seen from some angles is a miracle. We came close to splitting around six years ago.) 2. Close with your parents? No, my dad is dead, which didn't make a lot of difference since I didn't see him for 28 years before his death (there's a post on here somewhere or see "Forgiveness" on my blog for that full story.) I barely speak to my mother by my choice. 3. How many people can you tell your deepest darkest secrets too male...Read More...

Thanks, AGRead More...