Well, I just got back from a session. I talked to my T about this and she had some opinions about it which I'm still digesting. She asked what you guys thought, since I told her I posted about it here. She agreed with the comments about showing compassion to myself, and that it was real and came from somewhere. She said the body is in a constant state of healing, and that its always good to let oneself feel. She didn't believe there was an absence of cognition, but just a division in my mind...Read More...

I do the exact same thing. I think I tend to see people as having only a certain amount of niceness or tolerance for me, so I avoid doing anything that would cause someone to do anything for me because it's like I'm draining a bank account that's already close to the red. And then I think I try to do something *at least* as equally giving (or whatever) because it's like I'm trying to cancel out the cost of what they gave to me. If that makes sense. I think the thing about someone doing...Read More...

(((((Frosty))))))Read More...

ROFL!!Read More...

Dear JD, I'm so sorry you are facing something so scary, and an awful doctor to boot - you just don't need that and I wish I could MAKE everyone around you just take extra care at the moment. But I'm hugely impressed that through all this you are making such huge strides with containment and self-care. This is really beautiful to watch. Thank you for being brave enough to share this with us. I'm thinking of you and really hope you get just good, easy news from the docs from now on.Read More...

LG I agree with what DF said, I'm sure there are great things about her or you wouldn't be with her. But fwiw, I've been married 25 years and would never go through my husband's phone without permission, nor would he go through mine. Have to admit that it would be a red flag for me. AGRead More...

Thanks DF and LG for the hugs, I need them right now Great idea to jot down license plate numbers - I have a friend who is on the local police force, so she could easily run plates if need be. I also like the idea of talking to my friend and possibly his lawyer. I hate that this jerk is so intimidating - now that he's met me and seen my car, he could easily find me if he wants to which scares me even more. I want to say it's ironic that this looking-over-my-shoulder stuff is happening right...Read More...

((((((Beebs))))) Take good care of yourself. I'll miss you around here.Read More...

Hey Jane, I think we both suggested the same thing at different times, for the same reasons. Twins! I think I put it a bit harshly, saying it was a 'terrible' word. I certainly didn't mean any of us, including Jo, was terrible for using it. I've used it often myself. I just mean that without us intending it it conjures up these images of people who maybe have ill intent, which is very likely not true. So yes, as Beebs writes, I meant it (I'm sure JD did too) just as a musing for all of us.Read More...

My only issue with group PMs is that I'd hate to exclude opinions from people it just didn't occur to me to add right away. There are a lot of times my threads get great input from people who I wouldn't even have imagined could relate to the topic at hand (or maybe, because their own perspective is so different, it helps me see things outside of my box). That said, I do get how it would just suck threads out of the regular areas... So many good points...Read More...

Monte... reading this was so helpful to me (and I hope to you too MTF). I was thinking of how to get around that wretched wall that is blocking me from revealing more of me to my T and to get beyond the grief of oldT. I think show and tell is a great idea. I did some of this with oldT and it did not really go over too well but I think that had more to do with his incompetence than it being the wrong thing to do. I'd like to share things with my T like some old books, childhod pictures, old...Read More...

missing PG today. just wanted to say that. grief is a bumpy ride.Read More...

oh I don't think it would have made you the same as him, you would have just been acting as a mirror for his actions.Read More...

Darn AG, another tight schedual. Just concentrate on what you have to get done and as your T used to tell you: remember to Breathe! Will miss you while your gone.Read More...

Oh, I wasn't meaning counter-transference in a negative way either, to tell you the truth. I was just reading an article on how important those feelings can be in certain therapeutic scenarios, as long as the T is aware of them and addressing anything that's not of therapeutic benefit, as you say.Read More...

Fly - I agree with R2G, that makes sense. The last two nights haven't been very good. For some reason I almost drift off to sleep and then I jerk awake worrying I won't wake up. I woke up twice during the night instead of sleeping through. I'm going to say this is related to my T being gone because I can remember suffering from the same problem after my grandmother died. I was scared I would die too if I went to sleep. It was probably unresolved grief (but for my current problem my T...Read More...

Learning2Fly ~ hi, I don't think we have "met" before. It's good to "see" you. I'm so sorry, totally messed up posting this thread... can you post your response on the other one? is that ok? so sorry again. I'd love to respond to what you have to say and thought it would be good to keep in one spot. sorry for goofing up this post...Read More...

Do you use an application, like Outlook, or a web client, like Yahoo? You may be able to search a "help" webpage for the error code to see ways around it being rejected...Read More...

Thanks so much for your responses everyone... Jo, I did understand the context of your original post about "lurkers"... I suppose in a way, I felt a little guilty about reading your posts while not participating or sharing anything of myself if that makes any sense.... It is hard BG, but at the same time...i feel like a complete failure...thanks for your kind words. LG....yeah...think you were away at the time DF left if I remember correctly (glad she's back) Smiley...thank you BB, I'm doing...Read More...

((((((Yaku))))) I am sorry you are feeling like this...I'm sorry I can't offer much in terms of advice but I am really glad to hear you are keeping busy. Go gently ButterflyRead More...

(((PF)))) I'm so sorry that your dad denied you the opportunity to talk about this. I can imagine that didn't feel good.Read More...

LG and Yaku, Thanks for your support. LG, it's part the vacation but also partly that my expections were way out of control. His last vacation was two years ago for two weeks. I couldn't admit at that point that I was attached to him so that vacation didn't bother me. But now I have come full circle and feel as though I've thrown myself at him with all my needs and neediness and have basically said, I'm so freaking dependent upon you. I don't like to be. I didn't want to be. I fought it...Read More...

I struggle with aloneness and loneliness and am introverted too. I find myself actually feeling more lonely (which is painful) when I am with other people and just can't manage to connect (often the case) than I do when I'm alone. So, I actually prefer to be alone. Case in point is being disappointed my H isn't going on a trip, because I would have had so much alone time to myself, and in that time, I would not have felt so lonely. Bored, once in a while, maybe, but not disconnected (since...Read More...

Aw! (what else can I say... )Read More...

Hi Yaku - I get that it's not the lack of replies, but the feeling of exposure. One of the other things that is worth considering is that you may be triggering yourself, keeping yourself in a state of constant exposure and processing and high adrenaline by posting a lot. Adrenaline can be addictive but it is an exhausting state. It is worth paying attention to how you felt with some space this morning. Take care, JonesRead More...