(((RT))) that's pretty awesome! congratulations to you both! progress may be slow, but it is happening!Read More...

Wow. Every now and again I find myself wishing my mother hadn't died when I was a child - in my fantasy she lived and was kind and caring and well, completely changed personalities. Then I read about the kind of upheavals others have with their mums and I know in my heart of hearts she would not have changed and all her being alive for longer would have meant was more pain and suffering for me... Dunno if you've read up about narcissist parents? (Not tryng to diagnose your mum, just reading...Read More...

Hi Jillian, Thank you for responding. The word "intoxicating" exactly sums it up. The intoxication is gone. Sometimes it so stinks to actually see and experience reality. It sucks to realize and embrace that T is not going to rescue me and that even if she did love me, it wouldn't really matter. The love has to come from me.Read More...

Eiko, I could actually feel your joy come through from reading your words. Great work! It's a great feeling when we make progress. Growth!Read More...

I don't think I will ever get what I need; not even a breath if it. As I told my T - the fundamental truth that is my biggest, deepest pain, right down to the depths of my soul - and which I really do not know if I am capable of truly accepting, is that I had just one chance to be given what I needed - and now that childhood is well and truly finished, I will never ever get that. Not even a little bit. I really do not know if I can ever accept it to the level I need in order to be truly free...Read More...

Hi Catalyst, Yes I am bipolar. I have absolutely no objections to taking meds and have been on oodles of them and various combinations of them with relatively low success. In fact my moods seemed to be more severe as far as mania goes with meds, so three years ago I decided to only use them when I am in an active manic or depressive episode. I have been trying to manage this disease largely through cognitive and behavioral strategies and it is often overwhelming and difficult. I am feeling a...Read More...

I live in fear that I'll run into my T at work. I deliberately chose a T in the town adjacent to where I live to reduce this possibility. So while it's unlikely that I'll run into her in Aldi on a Saturday morning, I do work further afield and it's fairly inevitable what we'll run into each other at some point. We do have an arrangement where if we think it's going to be possible then we'll talk about it. Brief moments I think I'd be ok with. Anything more... bleurghhhh. I'm totally down...Read More...

RT, yes that is exactly what I sound like. Especially when I haven't had my morning cup of tea!!Read More...

Hey You! No apology needed. (((Drags)))Read More...

Thanks for your reply, Draggers! Those are great ideas! I think I'll have to look into after school care program for my younger child. That isn't an option for my older one, I don't think. I think for him I might have to look into the city bus route. I've seen a city bus at the school...I just don't know where they go from the school. My parents and I live too far away for the kids to walk safely (across a highway and such). Another thing is money. At my current job, I only make $10 an hour...Read More...

When I was in grade school, every morning the radio played a John Philip Sousa march. That certainly got the circulation moving. -RTRead More...

There are times when I just want to go off on you so bad. Now is one of those times. I am so freaking tired of your non-responsiveness. I don't give a crap about the "therapeutic" reasons behind your behavior toward me. I mean really is there a "human" in there anywhere. You are like a freaking robot. Cold, calculating, unfeeling, too damn predictable. You push me to the point of rage, and it just is so not worth it. I can't allow this anymore. I just have to go on accepting that you are...Read More...

makes sense to me too you guys.Read More...

Ghost, Thank you so much for coming out and telling me about your experience!! It was so reassuring to know that someone related. Affinity, No worries on the time, I appreciate you taking the time (whenever that time was) to reply. It's so amazing to know that you understand. I have the most amazing news!! My T read the letter I wrote and he totally reassured me that he was not going to refer me out, that it was OK to feel this way, it's happened before and he even helped me identify what it...Read More...

Good morning TN, The new T does allow outside contact via text and phone. Calls will be returned after 6:00pm. I so desire for T1 to fade in significance in my life. That is what I want. It is unhealthy for me to spend so much time thinking about her and ruminating over what I want from her and cannot have. In a way I feel like I betrayed her by seeking another's assistance, but I know that is my own garbage. I did what is healthy and best for me. Thank you all for your support and...Read More...

The Say Anything thread is there so members can say the things they'd like to their therapist. Just be aware you won't always get feedback on that thread. And the categories aren't hard and fast. They're more there so if people are looking for a topic, they have a better chance of finding it. If you're not sure, Coffee Talk is usually a good catch-all forum. The best person to check with would be TN as she is the moderator.Read More...

Draggers. I have been at this since 1985. Eating disorder, bipolar, borderline, sexual trauma. Tired.Read More...

thank you i'm sorry i didn't respond sooner... a rough week last week. ((mallard)) i'm sorry your work is always questioned!!! I do understand that... my work is reviewed a bunch, and a lot of it (i assume) is the content because i'm still learning the business... rather than the actual technical aspect. i so wish i could work from home more... i work in an open office plan and i want to poke my eyes out. too much people... especially when i'm working on creative projects where i need to...Read More...

Right back at ya eme! And of course for anyone else who would like a hug today!Read More...

Thank You Chezza for getting a chuckle out of me. I know 56 in a mini skirt. I quit wearing those in my late 20s.Read More...

I am glad you are here Jones. I am actually experiencing guilt for using the site so much because I have gotten the message not to rely on or talk to anyone because my thoughts don't matter. I am glad that my thoughts and feelings matter here.Read More...

Dearest Dragglepuss (pcd) if only we weren't separated by thousands on miles! I would so love to give to you what you need and deserve. Maybe you should move to Oz! In the meantime pcm. xxxxxRead More...

I really wasn't expecting such lovely and detailed replies; and I'm sorry if I inadvertently gave the impression that finding this out has caused me any great distress It was more a genuine surprise to me. Although I've always known my sister was never wanted simply because she was the 'wrong' gender, I honestly had no idea that I wasn't planned for! ((((Draggerslovelyone)))) Thank you. Yes, trying to unpick my families dynamics would test the patience of a saint It's one more piece of the...Read More...

(((LJB))) I'm continually touched by your story. I couldn't imagine losing my most precious T like that. How wonderful that you've continued on in spite of the loss. You inspire me.Read More...

Cat, Draggers, Becca--I can relate to this. Everytime I hear one of these affirmations, it really is a turn off for me. I think it has to do with still not being in the space to accept it yet. He kept telling me things like this and at one time I told him to shut up, then apologized for it. He said that was okay that I said that, he just wanted to know why I wanted him to shut up. I think it boils down to not wanting to hear it because it's still not in my consciousness yet. Things like this...Read More...