BB - I don't think your T is engineering the email problems, but I want to validate you that I would feel my T was if that was happening to me too. I hope you can (even gently) bring up in your individual session how his not taking care of the conferencing as he ensured you he would made you feel unheard, ignored, neglected even. You can even say you know it was an honest mistake, but those feelings were being drawn out of you and maybe that would be a good thing to explore...in case the...Read More...

DF, Please don't delete. It was very informative and I'm going to go back and read it again.Read More...

Liese, I'm so glad that you were able to experience your T's care for you. That seems really good. I can see that it didn't last long, however, as one who feels better for about 5 minutes after a session before the bad thoughts come crowding back in, I have to congratulate you- you have that session, and that good experience, of your T making you important, and that is vital, and nothing can take it away. Now- get on that phone, girl and *ask* for what you want! That bad-ass T ain't gonna...Read More...

There have been 3 times my T has initiated a text to check on me following an unusual period of silence on my part. She has written something along the lines of, "Thinking of you and hoping you are doing ok. I haven't heard from you for awhile so I don't know." Two of those 3 times were during her vacations when I withdrew in order to cope. There have also been periods of silence when she did not inquire how I was doing. Those have usually been periods of time when I had expressed anger...Read More...

Yaku, It makes me sad to hear you write that you hate yourself for not being able to tend to your mother's needs today. However, I can relate as I often feel guilty for not being able to talk to my brother who is very ill. Somedays it is just too much for me to deal with and I feel selfish for not being able to meet his needs. But what service are we to others if we cannot take care of ourself first and foremost. This situation with your mother in some ways makes me think of how allow...Read More...

LG - Ugh. H and I pay $125 a session (discounted from his usual $150 rate), but he usually goes the whole hour. It ends up as $375 every two weeks, though, and now that I offered to try to give him something for these phone sessions he has been giving me, it will be even more. I can't imagine paying $135 for only 45 minutes.Read More...

It's been a long day that has left me exhausted in every way and I'm so tired I can barely think straight. But in the midst of my own stuff, those in Japan who are going through such pain and devasation, continue to be on my heart and mind. My tears keep breaking through the suface. Before I fall asleep, I just wanted to quickly say that I am so glad for what everyone has shared. It helps a lot... I'm so thankful for you all. I hope to come back and write more later. I'm glad this thread has...Read More...

I have 85 friends on FB. Sometimes I feel like de-friending the people who have hundreds of friends because they probably won't even know I'm gone (but de-friending people who have less than 100 means they'd be able to find out who the rat was). DF - you crack me up, I have a friend on FB who's a pastor/author and he's always posting up pictures of the food he eats when he's traveling. I love it. My daughter and husband like to cook so sometimes they'll put up a picture of what they made.Read More...

Tom Cruise all the way. At least, he drives ME insane! Worst case of denial ever. According to Tom, depression doesn't exist. It's all pseudoscience (but remember, Scientology is pure science ).Read More...

hi twin, i've been thinking about how you're coping and i'm glad you're getting some support here. i'm sorry to say i missed out and i didn't know PG very well, she seemed lovely and so caring and her love of icecream (and life) brought lightness and joy to this forum. my heart breaks for your loss. i have a sister whom i'm very close to and i can't even imagine losing her. i hope you can still feel her presence through the memories you share and i hope that will begin to bring you comfort...Read More...

thank you jane, you are so sweet to think of me! i'm afraid i've been keeping myself busy and in denial but now i'm falling apart again. i suppose i have to feel it at some stage... i had this vision of a little girl (me) frantically searching through this big dark old house, kept opening doors and trying to see through the darkness and she wouldn't give up, kept looking even though she was tired, even though she had looked in those dark rooms only moments earlier...... and i'm at a complete...Read More...

Of course I ignored the trigger warning. And of course I am crying now. I can cry for a fictional girl in a video, but not for the "little girl" I was (still am somewhere deep down) who had so many awful experiences. Hrm...love dissociation. But, also, it makes me so proud about how hard I am working with H to keep our family together and give my little girl a different life. I don't want to forget that I had a choice, just a year ago, that could have meant a very different home and...Read More...

So glad you have such a fun connection with T1 and that your courage to text her paid off. I know this vacation will be so much easier on you now. Praying things go well with T2!!!Read More...

Ugh, having a P.A.D. moment right now. How about this one: -Suddenly and irrationally projecting that everyone hates you (or is at least irritated with you) and getting the urge to delete your account and go hide under a (virtual) rock. Blah. Sometimes I wish I could take my brain out of my head and wash it.Read More...

So... MTF.... how was the tiramisu? Translated from the Italian it means "pull me up or pick me up" which is because it's doused with espresso coffee LOL and does wake you up LOL. I'm glad to hear things went well but that is because you were courageous enough to put it all out there on the line. It's been a rough few weeks for you but you hung in there. I'll bet you also taught her a few things along the way. I wouldn't shred or burn your journals because at some point it will be important...Read More...

No worries, Monte. The whole point of being in therapy is to connect me to this stuff, right? I doubt I would have even remembered that incident without your trigger...and now I have more therapy material, right? I think my mother was by far the more "dangerous" parent, and unpredictable, so I may have had to dissociate much more heavily in my experiences with her. This is probably especially true, because after my dad remarried when I was 10, I only saw/heard from him on weekends for a...Read More...

Yeah, thanks Liese. I posted about it in my phone session thread.Read More...

Yes, I think you should tell her exactly what you have written here, because those sort of thoughts about how she is feeling about you will become a block to you trusting her with (perhaps very important) stuff if you let yourself start hiding it. It is more difficult to stop hiding things if you let it go on a while, so since you are just aware of it now, it will probably be a lot easier to bring it up. Otherwise, your feelings about it will fade and you will think, "Oh, no big deal, it was...Read More...

Hi, UV. I've read with interest, and hope it works itself out. I wish I was able to look at myself in therapy with such a curious, non-judgemental eye. I like the way you are able to do that, and just wanted to say it's really, really instructive to me. I find my emotions run the show, feelings of deprivation take over and I make little progress, but rather get into a slump. I wish I could "get serious" about my therapy the way you seem to be able to do, UV. I like reading your thoughts! BBRead More...

Happy Birthday Morgs. Hope you had a wonderful day. ButterflyRead More...

I had meant to reply to this message and then forgot. I usually have the problem of having way too much to write. There are times I can come back from therapy and write five pages (single spaced!) about my experience or the thoughts that emerged. When I do get blocked, though, I just leave it alone. I find that if there is something that needs to get out, it will be nagging me soon enough. If it is nagging me, but I just don't have the words to get it out, I try to objectively describe my...Read More...

I second that sentiment. ((((((((DF))))))))Read More...

I feel that a professional T should be well aware that vague suggestions like this could easily be misinterpreted, even if it was not intended to be taken seriously. I'm sorry, but I feel that he should more careful with his clients.Read More...

Oh, if it's like what Monte is saying, then YES, that happens all the time. I think I misunderstood!Read More...

LG, Funny thread!! DF, can you share your T's interpretation? Only if you want. To my T: I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. T: Yes, Is that it? Me: No, that's not it. I hate you a lot. I hate you even more. I hate you for making this so hard for me and not giving me what I need. I hate you for thinking that I'm coming to see you because I'm hoping this relationship will develop into a romantic relationship. I hate you because you are not appreciating how much I want to heal. Whew, I feel...Read More...