Thank you so much for your support Liese! It really means alot I finished with my T or should I say she finsihed with me last October. Now I can't afford another T hence am going it alone. Am currently in the phase of thinking why the hell would I want to rely on anyone else again so maybe not having any money is a blessing in disguise ButterflyRead More...

Yes!! Walking in the door to the office there is an amazing, calming scent. It almost smells like a really clean, natural soap smell- like a child's shampoo or something. I really like it and always try to smell my coat afterward, hoping it took on some of the smell.Read More...

Thanks for the heads up! I'm safe!Read More...

Hi BG, Sounds like your Mom is throwing a tantrum. So hard to stand back and just let her throw it. I've cowtowed to my mother's anger for years. She's not as histrionic as your mom but anger is anger and withdrawing love from a child is withdrawing love. Recently, my poor dying brother informed me that it was my fault that my Dad died alone in the hospital. My mother told me it wasn't nice that he said it but basically said she was too overwhelmed to deal with it. So, again, for the ten...Read More...

Hi Jane, You are not a weirdo and you are not alone...I too find it really hard accepting praise or having people be nice to me even though I really want to be able to accept it. I agree with your T that it is about learning to receive the good from others. Hope your hand heals quickly. Hugs ButterflyRead More...

Hi Daisy, Welcome Look forward to getting to know you. ButterflyRead More...

HI, I have resisted anti-depressants for years. I currently take a very low dose of Wellbutrin, I wonder if it is doing anything. I also take a low dose of Trazadone at night to sleep. I used to have Prozac added into the mix as well, but i stopped taking everything in the spring and i have found it hard to get back onto the Prozac because of stomach upset. I would suggest giving it some time, even 4 weeks to start, which i know seems like a hard thing to do but it takes your body sometime...Read More...

I think my T has maybe 15 based on the days he works and that I'm his first client of the day on Tues and Thurs. I wonder what he would say if I asked him.Read More...

Thanks STRM and Jane. I've had other times where I don't feel real in the moment either. I had another session today and it happened a bit then, too. Just everything in general feels a little disorienting right now. T suggested I sit somewhere with an armrest I can grab on to and literally hold it to have something steady when everything else isn't. I felt a bit like a mess in session today. Just kept apologizing and then going quiet because I found it so hard to express anything. T was very...Read More...

I would email OldT usually every other week until those last few weeks when I was in panic and fear and then I emailed him maybe twice a week and called once. I would rarely call him previously to those last 5 weeks because he was lousy on the phone. Most times I would hang up more upset than before. He was much more reassuring via email. I texted him only a few times... like maybe 5 times in the 3 years. He initiated some of those texts to me. He would also initiate emails sometimes. NewT...Read More...

cool thread, Jill! One thing that T had to "fix" with me is that there was this one guy who I had gone out with and liked, but then when I went to his house after a few more dates I saw that he had five cats and that freaked me out so I broke things off. So she is trying to get me to "take a closer look at what (I) find attractive in potential mates". because is it really dealbreaker if someone has 5 cats? Funny thing is that about a month later, I found out that T has 6 cats!!!! LOL No...Read More...

liese, yes, i told her the validation issue is one that needs addressed daily, the minimization was how i kept my sanity for so long, but, now, 'it' needs to be recognized and explored in therapy, and, hopefully, put to bed. strm, yes, i have felt the same way...'that i could have written them' with some of your posts...a sister in therapy, for sure. that 'bringing it up in the moment' is going to be new, and already, toward the end of the appt i felt a little 'something' i should have...Read More...

Hey Monte, Lovely post, Monte. So sweet. I want to ask him more about the ornament. Maybe I will tomorrow. And maybe he'll tell me I'm not a big jerk. When I saw it, I thought he put it there, right in my view where I typically gaze and comment on things, just to torment me, to see how I might react. Why can't I see it as a nice gesture? If only I could stop the insecurity. Always been a problem. If only insecurity was attractive. Who said that, Holly Hunter??? Anyone remember that movie?Read More...

frosty I'm a bit late I know. How hard for you to have your dad going for in-patient treatment but I guess the short term treatment will hopefully help him long term, so it will be worth it frosty. I'm glad that there is somewhere he can be helped ...and that sounds a niceish place too ...that might be easier and less stressful for you than the difficult times you've had at home recently. Frosty I am really glad of that, that must be a huge relief for you (((((frosty)))), I have experienced...Read More...

Hi Frog and TN, So glad you liked the post, Frog. My T always says there is always hope. And, he has given me hope. What a beautiful gift! And I want to tell you all that for the first time in a long time I don't feel like dying. I'm still not overly optimistic about the future and I have a lot of work to do. But I guess what I am trying to say is that I do feel ((((((HOPE)))))) for the first time in a long time. So the message for all of you out there who are still struggling and can't...Read More...

(((Halo))) I'm sorry you still have another week to go and it feels so hard. I understand about needing that routine. I feel like my routine has been off for the entire past month and I'm anxious to get back into it as well. It helps when the routine is at least stable and something I can predict. There is enough unpredictable stuff without it being all a mess too! I hope this last week passes quickly for you. Keep posting as much as you need to. We are here.Read More...

Lol, want me to PM you some links, MH?Read More...

I agree with Catnip here. If by argue you mean outright arguing over something then the answer would be never. If by argue you mean that we have a misunderstanding or other type of rupture where things need to be worked through and clarified then probably every few months.Read More...

I made it through NYE, but unfortunately not new years night. Drank most of the day my anxiety was still high. I feel so ashamed, but I did SI last night. My T is back tomorrow so maybe I can talk with him...I dont even want to tell him about it...YuckRead More...

a friend forwarded this to me, after we spent new years eve discussing many of these same issues. it is from a Christian perspective. one line..."I determine to spend more time with those who encourage and support me than with those who are negative or bring me down."...really hit home. hope you enjoy, jill BRINGING IN THE NEW YEAR By Paul Meier, M.D. As a Christian Psychiatrist, I surprise a lot of my clients or radio and TV "family" by saying that I do not believe in making New Year's...Read More...

Marsh, True North, kashley, STRM, starfish - i read your messages last night and fell asleep in tears. it was the worst night and time in a long time. your messages and encouragement and thoughts and responses helped A LOT. thank you so much. (btw, Marsh - the suggestion to go find youtube videos was a good one - it was about all my fried brain could do, and it didn't cheer me up, but it did distract me and help me withstand the pain longer... one video at a time...) my T called me back...Read More...

Hi Frog and Holding On, Sorry that the week ahead is stressful for you both. I get so stressed anytime the kids are home from school. I have four and they are all different ages. They used to fight a lot but I am working on that with T. We are all learning how not to fight!!!! Lots of work!!!Read More...

wow - thanks everyone! your responses and all the conversation on this has helped me feel a lot better about this. I just thought I was so alone and so weird and stuff about this. I have two safe friend who know I avoid any very triggery movies. I have walked out of a few and just asked to go see another (and have always had movie theaters be very accomodating - just saying I can't see that, it's too much, I need to see something else...and with the cost of movies...) I don't understand flat...Read More...

No way. If I would have had to pay my own way in high school, I would have just moved out and been done with that abusive excuse of a mother.Read More...