Hello stellachiara and welcome! I think it is awesome that you are at least recognizing the behavior. Are you in therapy? If you are, I'm sure that has helped you to at least see where the "freezing" up may be coming from. If you are not in therapy, I will say KUDOS to you for getting to where you are. It may not be something that you can work on changing daily, but recognizing what the triggers are for the freeze up is almost 1/2 the battle in my opinion. What would be great is if you have...Read More...

I only have a moment but just wanted to say: I told her! I told her! and it went really well! I went to the session today pretty off kilter. I was fairly numb on and off - the most I ever have been with her. It went really ok anyhow. The conversation went to fears about kindness, connection, endings, grief, and pain. We talked about my total lack of confidence in myself. As we talked, at one point, I fought back tears, and she did as well. It was an amazing session. I told her about my fear...Read More...

No worries, DF... it's good to think about how stuff I say might affect someone else on "the other side of it." I wasn't upset or anything. It would be cool if you could keep the same T this way...but the whole thing does have an element of unreality to it, though that can be kind of painful in dealing with, the emotions of that. Well, I guess it's a triggery little bit for me, since my relationships in general have an element of unreality/distance about them that I also can't quite pinpoint...Read More...

thanks BG for starting this thread. I am going to come back and re-read it, because there is PLENTY of things here i relate to, and need to dig deeper into. ...oh, and btw: iľl be glad to sit on the bench with you all, - i am- more or less paralized all the time by the thought of ending therapy. THerefor i am scared every time - no i WAS scared to show my T any signs of coping skills. ANd i hatet it when he pointed out how well i coped and stuff like that, because i took it as a warning that...Read More...

Now I know why I love my P sooooo much. I had a great session today. He was very attuned to what I needed today. I asked him about his retirement plans (didn't inform him that i was googling him. didn't have the courage) He assured me that he had no plans to retire. I challenged him and asked "so you're going to die sitting in that chair". He laughed and responded that he wasn't planning on that but that retirement was not in his plans for the near future and that he would give me plenty of...Read More...

I love what you call your "rambling" and also that you actually find this situation interesting..lol, you sound like my T! (he alaways seem to find my stuff as "hmm...interesting!" ) Yes, thanks again for your understanding. The situation IS complicated. Guess you`re right about my T didnt mention it, because he doesnt think it`s up to him to tell. in a way i agree with him.. and not. but neither my parents thinks its up to them to mention this! As if its not something i have the right to...Read More...

hm, yeah, I'm opposite, and can't imagine having warn fuzzy feelings with a woman T...since my relationship with my mom was always about me taking care of her emotional needs, I guess I subconsciously thought, "what would it be like to have a male T." Of course with him, I have the problem of thinking that he is completely indifferent to my existence, which I'm justl slowly starting to get over...I guess all I'm saying is that in the relationship where there is so much attachment, there is...Read More...

This is so good to hear! When I saw this topic I thought to myself, “Some days I love my T too” . I love those sessions where I leave with that warm feeling of just knowing that he cares about me, that there’s someone in this world who is there for me and will help me. I’ve been thinking these past couple weeks, that even the sessions where I leave teary eyed or angry are proof that there’s someone here for me too. Even though I pissed and mad at my T, I’m still grateful for it because that...Read More...

DF, I would like to echo everything that Butterfly said. She responded to each point that I was going to hit on as well. I have gone through this cycle so many times with my T. I have found that the disconnects tend to happen fairly soon after a time that I feel very connected to T. I think that it is natural for those of us that experienced danger or hurt when we got close to someone. It is natural that we are going to be spooked by that closeness and pull back. I will say that it has...Read More...

Welcome msmandy! Pippi! Long time no see, girl! Good to see ya. Gosh, msmandy your situation switching between t's sound intensely confusing. I can barely handle one T, let alone two! I feel for you. I think transference is pretty common, or, at least my T has said "it does happen." (???) So I think you are normal as far as the intensely confusing bit. It can be really hard to feel like this person cares about you...maybe? For me, it';s hard to think they care, and then be let down by that,...Read More...

Hi PG, Sorry about not responding earlier (as SG posted I was away for the weekend with no internet access. Thanks SG!) Stick through the whole reply as the beginning may not sound so good to you! I think you’re in a very difficult situation. I think your T has every right to set her boundaries where she feels comfortable (as I said in the other thread SG linked to, a person’s boundaries say a lot about them and nothing about you.). And I feel this is especially important because I often...Read More...

Yes, this is now my diary. It's the inconsistencies that bother me: The Good Witch, then The Bad Witch. While high on alcohol: (that she denies) "Oh, I'd LOVE to buy some of the chocolates you're selling to give to the nice girls at the bank." The next day, when she's not high: "I don't think I want those chocolates after all. In fact, I don't think I like that brand, I had some once and threw it away." The Good Witch: "Your dish was a good first try." (Her attempt at diplomacy.) The Bad...Read More...

yep, DF, i know that one too, but knowing and believing, are two separate things. but yes, and sometimes i have to really work to realize the only way to not pass on my stuff to my kids is to work through it myself. so, thank you for the reminder. thanks...my canadian friend! jillRead More...

Hi Frog, I've been following along, and I first want to say that I'm sorry you're experiencing such pain and confusion. I am glad, however, that your last session was good for you and that you were able to air out some thoughts. I wonder, could you write your thoughts/feeling down in between sessions, especially those times when you feel such anger, and read it to your T in session? And perhaps explain everything to him, especially that it all fades away when you enter his office. I know a...Read More...

hi Blanket Girl, jill, STRM and BB... thank you so much for the comforting and kind words... Yesterday was a little better. Painfully long while I so wanted to come in for my session today. Just lots of nervousness. Today I went in for my eq t appointment - and I was even psyched up to ask her something I really needed to ask within a session and was still scared to ask... I waited for 15 minutes, and no T. Then she ran up, noticing I was there. Turns out my T had been trying to reach me for...Read More...

Thanks for sharing those poems! Here`s my favourite! it’s the Dream by Olav H. Hauge It’s the dream we carry that something wondrous will happen that it must happen time will open hearts will open doors will open spring will gush forth from the ground– that the dream itself will open that one morning we’ll quietly drift into a harbor we didn’t know was there.Read More...

LL, We are able to add on a little gadget to our blog - sometimes invisible. It tracks the ip address of those that visit your blog. And with that, you're able to look at which town the person is from. Outside of some computer information, there isn't too much specific info!Read More...

I used to struggle with this every session. What I do now is write bullet points in my journal over the week of the things I need to talk about. I write down the things that I know are going to be hard and I know I’ll want to back out from saying. I found this helps me a lot with thinking of so many things I want to say, but then backing out when I’m sitting there. In my session today- I think I had 3 bullet points (1 big important one and 2 smaller ones) that I wanted to say during the...Read More...

JD, I thought your posts were very well written! Thanks for the kind words, and that you won't think badly of me if I would need to bow out.. Yeah...a life of it's own is a good way to put it. BebeRead More...

Love you draggers. I'm so glad to see you, sweetie. Thanks Butterfly- your kindness. I really love this place. BBRead More...

It makes total sense....I can totally relate to this, I think I might have actually tested some limits just to see if my T would get mad at me. One time I thought I had succeeded and I asked her if she was angry at me, but for me this meant the opposite, I thought that that would mean she had stopped caring for me and she explained to me that she could be angry with me and still care about me which for me was quite a confusing concept. However there have been many times when no matter what I...Read More...

Thank you so much for your kind and caring responses, it is so nice to know that there are people out there who know how it is to feel the loss of a T as I am feeling like I am so pathetic for feeling like I do. It isn’t something that is explainable to people who haven’t been there and there are very few people in my life who even knew I went for therapy in the first place. There are so many things in my daily life that are a constant reminder of my therapy that shouldn’t be, I think...Read More...

dear folks- i only have a minute now, i am running to see my T. I wrote a LONG respond to each of you yesterday- wanted to comment and thank for all the inputs and interprets and the kind words- BUT (ARRG) something happended- and the poster was somehow deleted.. i was so frustrated when i found out and i wasout of energy to give it a second try. Yet- just wanted to let you know i read your posters (which i HAVE thought about alot) am very thankful for the recent replies- THANKS YOU! its...Read More...

LL thank you so much for your kind words nd validation. Yeah, the more space I get from it, the more angry I am. The less... guilty and ashamed and the more just hurt and angry and -oh, it's hard to express. The more time that goes by the more I want to say, to show them, "wait, this is not my stuff, this is yours." And this still freaking hurt what you did! yeah - you are right. It was a cop out. It's so... blurred... so pathologizing... I'M NOT THE SICK ONE. ugh. Thanks LL - I really...Read More...

thanks Holding On! jill - lol yeah, our inner critics can just go beat each other up and leave us alone! we ARE on to their schemes... ha!Read More...