Jill good questions and thoughts is it my way of testing the relationship? I dunno. I almost wonder if it is. Sometimes I think it's because I'm so afraid the good will overwhlem me... and if I let in the good then the bad will come in too - if not from this relationship then others... and then I am screwed. I do use humor as like "comic relief" - I'm told by people that it makes them feel closer to me the way I use it, when for me, it's a way to shift gears or makes things less intense,...Read More...

Good to see you again seablue starfishRead More...

I hope you are feeling better today too. ((((PG)))))Read More...

Maclove ~ ah, so you are the on who has been reading my journal! lol :P oh, I am so sorry about your boyfriend. The lack of response... it's hostile in a way. There's no way to respond, to know, to resolve, to even work through the leaving of the person better - and oh... it screws me up in trusting new people and then I act untrusting and then they are more likely to leave! (not saying this is happening with you - just a random thought I had as I typed.) It's so hard. Because even when I...Read More...

new thread, new drug...pristiq.Read More...

Mine is almost identical to LL's. Walk in the room, shake hands, sit. T: So what's going on? And then me sitting in silence trying to figure out what to say without sounding boring or stupid. I feel pretty angry about it. My T has been discussing a lot about connecting with him. I think we need to do something different at the beginning of the session because I don't feel anything except nervous for probably the first third of it. The last three sessions we've discussed this connecting thing...Read More...

I haven't been on here much lately (though I don't consider myself one of the seasoned members) and my reasons are very simple. When I come here and see a thread, usually there have been a myriad of responses to it (sometimes nearing 100) and I feel that I have nothing original to contribute. Also, frankly, trying to read through 50+ responses is stressful. By the time I'm finished not only do I feel I have nothing original to contribute, but I'm completely emotionally drained. I feel guilty...Read More...

ditto, i think i hear the flitter of her golden wings every now and then!! xxoo DF, jillRead More...

janedoe, may i say, you are quite profound!! this is a huge concept, not knowing where i begin and end, and another begins....what in an interaction 'says more about them than it does about me'. also, as frog says, what is coming from my past and is really not a part of the now, but, since, for me now, it is such a cloud, i can't quite decifer it all just yet. but, this is certainly a direction...owning what is mine and them owning what is theirs. my t told me that i tend to put myself in...Read More...

Hmmm… Well, I don’t know. It sounds like a nice gesture I think. He might have been thinking that the wine would make up for being on your case about drinking? In this situation all anyone can do is probably just make guesses. You could mention something like that you had a bit off the wine but you were careful not to drink too much because of the meds and see what he says? -MacRead More...

Sparkle- Good for you for talking to your T about it. I hope you get some relief from talking about it, but also don’t get too discouraged if you don’t solve everything in one sitting. For me ruptures sometimes take a few sessions (or even longer) to completely work out. We have the first initial talk which does make me feel a lot better, but then there is still a little hurt or worry left after that takes a few sessions to work its way out. The darkened trust that you talked about can take...Read More...

Do you know what sucks most about this? It was SO nice to have my MOTHER for two months. Now, as she begins the cycle again, that closeness and connection is lost. It was so nice to finally experience her without the snarkiness, meanness, criticisms, and trauma. Now I am dreading the next few months which are filled with birthday "celebrations", "family" holidays and the biggest dread of all CHRISTMAS. Just when you thought there was peace in the land, you realize it was only a dream. I was...Read More...

Oh lizzygirl....I am so sorry that your husband said that. Please know that is his insecurities. You know, you can always change your mind and go back. I have experienced for many years a verbally abusive relationship. My T told me to remember as I get healthier, my husband was certainly not going to be doing handstands in the front yard celebrating. Remember that as you continue on your path of healing and health, especially if your husband is doing nothing, he will continue to try and pull...Read More...

LL I'm finding it relly hard to remember how to get back there...anybody else feel the same? Thanks for posting this thread...it's given me a starting point anyway starfishyRead More...

AG, I agree with you. Lamplighter, that was some amazing insight you had into my 'stuff'! How did you do that??? I had this big long post typed up in response to you earlier today LL (because long is all I seem to know how to do ), and somehow my internet/cable connection was lost and when I hit "post now" it disappeared. Made me so mad. And of course I had spent so much time on it already I couldn't take more time to re-post so all was lost. I hate it when that happens--makes me super mad!Read More...

Agreed! I'm off to bed starfishRead More...

...UV, that was a good question.. I have honestly no idea. i didnt bring up the book/sister thing..i know..i should`have. Just couldnt. too much other stuff that came up instead. If it is related to that, i might have made up that story in (defence) order to distract from that (too) dangerous topic. That might ver well be the case. I have to think about that. (thanks for remembering, btw! That was unexpected, in a very good way) and Deeplyrooted - Thanks for the long and personal response-...Read More...

Thank you for your kind words, AGRead More...

What fantastic news, Holding On! I am really, really, happy for you.Read More...

Those are all great, UV. My favorite was the one that you added as your signature!Read More...

...could it be your T you`re angry at?? (when i find myself being angry- it often turns out to be my T. Not that i know why though..) I am sorry you`re in a tough place. Hope you find out with your T. and janedoe- dont fiht your anger. Fight with it! Its allot of constructive energy in that anger as well i bet!Read More...

This is a reply to myself, since I can use this as a diary of sorts. I wrote that I was wary of her good mood and was wondering when Mr. Hyde would show himself again. Well, this thread was written on August 9, 2010 at 10:18 AM (the morning after), and now I've had to post again that Mr. Hyde is B-A-C-K. Today is October 6, 2010. We lasted about two months. Aahhh, it was so nice while it lasted.Read More...

Dear Geist, I'm really sorry to read this - anyone would struggle with the loss of employment, but in your situation, where you really need financial independence and the ability to get support for yourself, it's a particularly discouraging and frustrating turn of events. It is going to be tough to deal with your problems - but please don't try to rush yourself. This is going to take time to sort out. I suspect (but can't be sure) that the most helpful thing to do at the moment would be to...Read More...

Hi Jill, I don't want to scare you but Topamax can cause hallucinations. I was on it for a short period of time for severe migraines. Hope this helps. Have you tried Klonopin? It is similar to zanax but is stays in your system longer so it lasts longer. PGRead More...

Jill - I can so understand your decision making in the morning. Mine is the same - do I want to go on or not? I don't but I do. Ignoring your problems or accepting them - Hmmmmm.... I don't have an answer really just a thought. Isn't ignoring your stuff kind of like saying, it happened, big deal, move on? I don't know, I don't think I'll ever just accept what happened to me and move on. Things have permeated my life so much that I don't think things could ever be happy and good for real. I...Read More...