Oh my goodness, how I can relate to this… My mom is ALWAYS telling me all these stories of things she is going to do once she leaves my dad. She talks to my sister and I about the things that we can do if my dad dies, like go to the shelter and adopt 2 cats. I learned when I was probably 15 or 16 that I need to give up hope that she is ever going to actually leave him. She has to have someone to blame for her life. I just want to yell at her to take some responsibility and stop just sitting...Read More...

((Forlorn)) Wishing you well! SmileyRead More...

CT - Hope it all works out well for you.Read More...

(((((jill))))) agentRead More...

just wanted to say that I will miss you TN... I haven't been able to read all of the responses here and I'm so sorry if this seems so out of sync. But I really want to say I totally respect your decision and know what it's like to litterally "hang out in the baby section while struggling with infertility," and metaphorically when it comes to the process of healing and recovery and this battle with my emotions... right now I am in both places. I kinda have some of the better side of therapy -...Read More...

Hey Beebs, I understand this completely...it's a hard thing to deal with, because it leads to this endless push/pull of wanting to feel care, but feeling as if we have to be a victim to receive it, and then (for me), feeling guilty about the whole thing! Which only leads to backing off from my T before it starts all over again. You are so sweet, BB. I've spent a lot of time since my session being almost consumed with this need to apologize to my T for being a trouble and being the way I am.Read More...

well said draggers...can I just add something? I worry because the therapeutic relationship is supposed to be about you, and only you, getting the needs you can get met through therapy. Well, if your instincts are right, then that would bring her needs into the room, which is totally unfair to you. You could (as you know) end up in a position that you get badly used and hurt, a sort of re-enactment of past scenarios maybe, as anyone on this forum who has had boundary crossings by their T...Read More...

Oh Frog I came too late to reply to you - I’m so sorry you went through such a miserable time before your session and equally GLAD that you were able to talk to T about those things and that he has understood. YAY! I’m so glad you are not quitting therapy, and also that it’s ok for you not to HAVE to change (for what it’s worth I believe change happens all by itself, not something you can will yourself to do) and it’s ok for you not to have to ‘repay’ your T in any way. Blanket Girl has...Read More...

Hi Jones, I like how you write. You must have gone through a lot yourself to sound so balanced. Eric's recent choice has been like a ton of bricks. Him coming out as gay was one thing to deal with. Then to see him change his lifestyle and BECOME gay was another. For example, we used to enjoy nice dinners, and after the "I'm gay" bit, he can't seem to get through anything without bringing it up. So even the nice dinners have fallen to the wayside. Every time I travel to see him, it's not...Read More...

this is very lovely jill...thank you so much for posting it for us! BBRead More...

i survived. almost out the door of the perfects, and ms. perfect stops me as i am leaving and asks the one question i don't want to talk about. i blurt things i don't even remember....the leave, shaken. i want to hide under a rock. no questions asked. no one to hurt me. skewed, i am. i hear. whatever. skewed, i will be. thanks for the encouragement all. just seems like life shouldn't be from one dreaded activity to another, y'no? where is the joy? is that true, joy? skewed. jillRead More...

You take care too, IHTS...I think it is awesome that you wrote and gave your boss the paper...and we must remember, anyone worth their salt will take what we have and appreciate it, and if they are unable to do so, it is their own deficit that needs to be worked on by them, good on you for sharing it. I hope you get the validation, but I also am glad that you can see it was a good paper! Oh, I am just so proud of you! Love, BBRead More...

Hi Susanne, Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry for your struggle, those moments in which all of life changes can be so hard to get through and I think our children being hurt is much harder to bear than when it's us. Even when they're grown at 21 (I have 19 and 17 years old daughters), we still feel like we're supposed to be able to protect them the way we could when they were small so they don't get hurt. And if they do get hurt, we're supposed to be able to fix it. But once they're adults...Read More...

Hi Blanket Girl, Sorry it's taken me so long to reply here, things have been a bit hectic. But I wanted to offer a possibility to explain the feelings you're going through. I'm not sure how good a fit it is because I don't know that much about your background, but I offer it in case it's helpful. I think you may be experiencing what my T calls "the bind." It's what makes healing from this stuff so hellish. When the source of our pain comes from the very persons who are supposed to comfort us...Read More...

Oh Frog I’m sad that your session left you feeling bad - but at the same time it sounds as if it was pretty productive. And good on you for telling him how you felt let down by his not pursuing the long letter you had written (and for seeming to not care about the accident) - that’s really brave stuff to get out - *hair stands on end* criticizing a T!!!!! And he took it well too - so I hope that lets you feel a bit less overawed by him and a bit less the need to have to be nice to and about...Read More...

"In My Arms" by Plumb your baby blues so full of wonder your curley qs your contagious smile and as i watch you start to grow and all I can do is hold you tight knowing clouds will rage and storms will race in but you will be safe in my arms rains will pour down waves will crash around but you will be safe in my arms story books are full of fairy tales of kings and queens and the bluest skies My heart is torn just in knowing you'll someday see the truth from lies when the clouds will rage...Read More...

Hi All....just a brief update. Just had my next session after the last one....and it wasn't a bad one afterall I had thought at first when I went into the room, that it was going to be a bad one, but it wasn't. Our relationship is getter deeper and deeper on a very therapeutic level. It is like we are moving into another space together. It is hard in other ways though - I spent most of the day hiding in my office, sobbing and shaking. It felt like it did when I had a break down 3 months...Read More...

I don't know how to not give my heart away. I tried after evil ex-T broke it and hurt me so bad. I tried to resist and to keep my heart within, but it went off on its own. And here I sit venerable again.Read More...

Loved this piece especially. Though Forlorn is quite clumsy and not at all graceful yet... Thanks for sharing Frog!Read More...

Wecome Preppie girl... It's good to have you here...and a big welcome to Frog, and blanket girl, if I havn't said it yet, too! BBRead More...

Hi Readhead51- nice to `met` you and welcome to the forum! No..you`re not loosing your mind your in love! Ok- in know that may sounds unempathic and harsh.. I dont mean to..but it helped me once to learn that it was just a normal reaction to all the warmth and understanding i recieved from my T..I was also (ok, a bit still) "lost" and overwhelmed by the attachment-emotions for my T. Therapy changed so much in my life and my focus and it occupated my mind 24/7. But ReadHead- it is going to...Read More...

Hey, LL!! It's so good to see you posting...wow, and as always, I am so relating to every word you say...I am just sorry it has to be so hard for you, too. But I do like the sound of what you are doing! Great that you got that one thing said...and that he heard it. How long is his holiday? BBRead More...

You are not crazy at all! Those are the main type of shows I watch and I was abused a lot. Those shows and any shows that have therapists or psychiatrists in them are my interests especially when the patient shows signs of transference!Read More...

Welcome to the forums, Blanket Girl! I enjoyed the explanation of your name. It's great to have you here! Peace, SGRead More...