Russ - thank you for posting this, it's very apt for me at the moment as I too miss my parents, yet at the same time am having huge trouble even trying to connect with them (especially my mother) on anything but a superficial level. I've never really had a proper father daughter relationship with my dad, as he left when I was two and the relationship has been one of bieng in touch and losing touch (down to me, when I couldn't cope with the drama and strain). My mother - hmm, where to start.Read More...

Dragonfly, thanks very much for your suggestion - I am seeing my T today so will try it out (if I remember that is - I am really bad at remembering things when I'm there!) LOL! S xRead More...

K, Sounds like you've got some defenses in place or something. Some self-protective mode you're in and you're aware of it this time. I don't know, I could be wrong. Sorry you're still struggling, girl. Time always seems to drag on when we want it to hurry up and fly by. Hang in there, K. You've done a good job so far! MTFRead More...

Hi UV I'm very new here and waiting for my first session with a recommended T. The title of this post really spoke to me... I have only just started to acknowledge that my childhood was completely 'wrong'. Intellectual understanding is of course, nowhere near actually dealing with it emotionally, though, which I hope a T will be able to help with. I never felt part, of anything, always felt off to one side, my mother never congratulated me on anything without condition - 'that was ok, but...Read More...

TN I agree with Starfish - Good for you!! Glad you had the strength to do that.Read More...

Bye Jill - have fun!Read More...

I pick forlorn because it was the feeling that closest match my mood and sounded the most like a feminine name. The end part reminds me of Lauren, which is a pretty name to me. Cool topicRead More...

dragonfly, laughing is fine! i meant it truthfully, but if i don't have some fun while i'm circling the drain, then it would all just suck!! glad you laughed!! xxoo, jillRead More...

aw, tn and smiley, thanks. it helps to much just to have your words. no one else but us here on the board gets this stuff. tn, mine claims to be an expert in inner child work, but dang, she sure skirts the issue alot. i guess she is seeing what i can handle. what i CAN'T handle is skirting the issue!!! y'no? i KNOW you do!! thanks, smiley, i will, i will do one nice thing for me just coz YOU told me to!! thanks!! jillRead More...

You have all given me good advise. My situation is so complicated. My T spoke with a colleage who expressed concern at the suddenness of my husband's obsession. My T finally came our and said, "if you were my daughter, I would tell you to leave. But you are not my daughter, so you have to make that choice" My choice is to stay. As I said my life situation is very complex and enmeshed with my H. We have a livestock farm with 30 animals. It take the two of us to run it. I can be replaced for a...Read More...

Oh No BeeBee you are leaving us too? Well, I'm glad it's only for a short time and for a fun reason. I wish you safe and happy travels. I will miss your thought provoking posts and warm hearted responses. Don't forget to come back to us. Hugs TNRead More...

Amazon, I relate so much to what you're saying. I have had the same sorts of problems with my friends. Unless people have been in therapy, I mean really been in therapy, not just a few sessions with some T they didn't click with, they just don't get it. About a year ago I was really struggling with the erotic transference feelings I had (have) for my now ex-P, and I opened up to a couple of friends about it. They said, "Just get a new therapist. Then you can have an affair with him!" like it...Read More...

WLOH: Oh my goodness....I am soooooooo sorry that you have lost your "first love".....the one that you "loved the most"....I can only have imaginings of how you must be feeling....I thank you for your tender sharings.....I am most appreciative!! Grieving....a difficult process for sure....take good care of yourself and again, thank you for the post!!Read More...

Hi BB and MacLove. Thanks ! BB, I think it's more complicated than who's right and who's wrong. I know that in some situations, like meeting with someone special, I tend to be a bit nervous/anxious or just apprehensive. When this happens, I imagine the person is in front of me and I say out loud what I have to tell. A bit like a rehearsal. This helps by noticing my emotions/how I feel, when the words are actually coming out of my mouth. In your case, your T told you: "You have to learn to...Read More...

Hello, This is an interesting thread. Since I've suffered from depression, learned a lot from it and will soon open a private counselling practice, I thought I'd share my experience and knowledge about ADs and overcoming depression. I've lived on 3 different continents in the past 12 years, did A LOT of research, interviewed clients, patients, Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Counsellors, etc... and what I found might be of some assistance. Although this is somewhat basic. So, bear with me...Read More...

Good to see you posting Jones, even if only for a 'pop-in' visit! Hope the hair has time to lose a little frizz in some quieter moments, but glad the busyness of what you are doing is also giving you times of happiness and productivity. starfishRead More...

AG, Take care if yourself and your family. I will miss you and your insightful words. I wish you the best in your continuing journey. seablueRead More...

UV, I'm glad that your T was positive about the text that you sent and that he seems ok with you repeating it. It sounds like it is something that could help you get through the week and that is good. My T does not do email because she says it is not a secure form of communication. I do fax her letters though and she is great about reading them. At first it was a large amount and I did use it to avoid talking about hard stuff in session, but as time has gone on they have been shorter, more...Read More...

"Don't Feel" - Kids learn not to feel because… Expressions of fear, sadness, anger, guilt, embarrassment, loneliness are not allowed because they may trigger the same in the parent"" i just read this and this is a biggie for me, thought it might help some of you too, i know i don't 'feel', or if i do, it is this overwhelming anxiety about what, i do not know, but i know that if my kids are suffering from a negative emotion, i probably have given them, unconsciously, the message to not feel,...Read More...

Hey MTF, I just wanted to mention something that I've recently read. I started the book In Session, and there was a large section in there specifically on transference. There were several stories of experiences with therapists who chalk up nearly every feeling toward them as being strictly due to transference and not having any validity as being "real." In reality, it's some of both. It's a little confusing, because your T's reaction when you described her as a fun person kind of goes along...Read More...

ok, know i am a really warped sack of potatoes, but a couple of realistic things. i think it is easy to idealize them to the point that they are having the picture perfect vacation with the best marriage, friends, etc. and not that we don't want that for others, but really, it is not realistic to feel that 'just getting away from us' is a huge holiday!! they have issues they drag with them, just like we do. too, i know just knowing you can't see them seems unbearable, you have so much you...Read More...

yes, sweet df, the cuddling and affection and spoken love...that is just instinctive. it is funny, my mom just stares at how my big boys are so affectionate with me, touch, hugs ... she looks and marvels at what a normal relationship looks like. i wonder if she really 'gets' what our difference at our house is...she looks like she is a ghost. really a vacant person there. undiagnosed.., anyway, i am so glad that you have such a sweet and natural family and are able to, like many of us,...Read More...

starfish, bingo. you get your hand slapped enough, through ridicule, sarcasm or humiliation, my parents favorite tools, and you just DON'T extend it anymore and live a very protected life!! bb, your quote: So maybe all of this inability to accept emotions and pain as real comes from this kind of negation. wow, that is what i asked for the first three months in therapy.."is this real"...all my spinning and fog? if i would have had a broken arm it would have made sense that it hurt, but...Read More...

Monte, Maybe it's not emotion I'm picking up in your posts, then. I don't know what it is. You write really well and are always very expressive, and I'm picking stuff up all over the place, but maybe that's because we're on a similar wavelength or something. If it's not emotion, then what is it? Hmmm. Now I've got something else to think about. Great! Are you an intellectualizer too? MTFRead More...

Hi AG, Thanks so much for sharing that story. My position sounds somewhat similar to yours in the beginning. My partner knows I'm unhappy, but doesn't want to acknowledge that the problems in our relationship is a huge contributing factor to that unhappiness. Not the only factor, obviously - I'm more than willing to admit that I've got a lot of personal work to do. But I think I've been pretty clear and pretty specific that I'm not happy with some important aspects of our relationship, and...Read More...