You've all hit on so many points that I completely resonate with. Thinking about it after the fact, I think my T did what was best in the situation for me, but it didn't feel like it. Honestly, I think the only thing that would have helped in that moment was a feeling of full release from any guilt or confusion about everything, which just isn't possible. But, I may just be telling myself that because I don't want to think about what I really wanted or really thought would help, since I...Read More...

Hi BB, I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. The above statement is absolutely a wonerful goal. You sound like me- I have all this stuff I want to talk about, and i get in- then none of it is addressed. What has workked in the past- is my letter writing. I bring it- he reads it, and we talk about the parts as he is reading it. He clarifies- asks questions,or comments on my thinking-writing. lately this process has failed me though, because the letter along with his payment stayed in...Read More...

TN- Thanks for the reply, it really did help. I think I am going to see about going to see my psychiatrist sooner to discuss this. I dont think unless we actually discuss it I am going to be worried about the reason why he wont have sex with me or give me even a chance. Even if I cant get in sooner I will see him two weeks from tomorrow and I cant wait until I get that chance. Right now I am going back from being depressed and confused to excited about the things I am learning about myself.Read More...

Hang in there- scaredtoriskmyself, It does get better. If you are new- welcome. Lots of well informed loving people here.Read More...

AG - thats wonderful! Your courage is amazing and what a gift! good job!Read More...

Hi Kashley- I have to echo what Echo said. (Bad- I know) For me- it does nothing to explore whether or not what happened to me was abuse- meaning intentionally done to hurt me or not. The fact remains, that it did seriously hurt me. And the therapy bills prove that. The blaming of others for who and what I am- does not help me grow, and that is my goal. While I love my T (would marry him if I could) I don't wan't to be in therapy 4 ever. I would rather go surfing with him, or long boarding...Read More...

Welcome back Jo!Read More...

Sounds like a plan to me, Ag! You in Jo? But...ARE there moderators? If so they are awfully quiet. spooooooooky.Read More...

What a beautiful expression of your heart, AG. You are so talented, to have something so deeply moving just "pop" out. I love all of it, but this especially touched me: Thank you for sharing this. SGRead More...

LL - Thank you for sharing your experiences - I do resonate a lot with what you are saying, too. I guess I have been ok today...I'm half-heartedly trying to stay in touch with how my mother made me feel even though she's acting like everything is perfectly fine now. I've learned over the years that when she goes back to acting fine, she's just waiting for me to apologize, which I'm not going to do. But it makes me angry, and anger has always been an off-limits kind of feeling. I'm struggling...Read More...

Thanks, dragonfly!! lizzygirl, Yuck indeed. I'm so sorry - it's so painful. It warms my heart that he has contacted you, so at the very least you know he's safe and thinking of you. I know that does not come close in comparison to seeing him and talking to him though. I hope you have been able to find something that can ease the pain and help pass the time. Keep posting!! (((((((lizzygirl)))))))Read More...

Lamplighter, My T gives me various homework assignments, but I have to admit I don't usually do them. Recently she gave me an assignment where I am supposed to be comparing my mom with past attachment figures, mainly teachers from junior high and high school (women I was attached to, like I am attached to my T now). She also has had me journal certain things, like successes with certain things we have talked about, or she's given me something to work on with my husband, since I'm working on...Read More...

Wow SG, this is a big deal! I'm "happy" for you, too. Your T sounds wonderful. It's so nice that she knows to just listen and not try to fix things. Crying was a huge stumbling block for me in therapy, too. That "relative safety" issue again. I just couldn't do it. Partially because I knew he couldn't just listen to me without offering advice. The few occasions when I did share something "unfixable", he would kind of appologize and say something like, "I wish I had some wise words to offer...Read More...

You know what? I didn't dare to ask any questions when I met my T first time. The only concern I expressed what that I was actually expecting to see a woman. I didn't know what kind of question could I ask that would be ok. I thought I should not even ask what his name was (thought he was the guy who replied my call about appointment, but that was somebody else). I didn't really know what you are allowed to ask your therapist when you see him/her first time. I think I decided to stay with...Read More...

Amazon- that is awesome that your T is willing to do that for you. I hope that mine will and the wait is just killing me. I hope if he does that it is something more than just a note cause those are so easy to loose or to forget they are in your pocket and let it go through the washing machine and that would devastate me! That is my biggest fear because I know it would go every where with me and what if I leave it in my pocket and then my husband decides to do laundry and it ends up in the...Read More...

kashley I know what you mean about too many thoughts and not enough hands (even for a starfish) - that's why mapping can be quicker and easier. My T seems to find it useful to look at what I've mapped - especially those I've not thought about too much, just written or drawn as thoughts came into my head. starfishRead More...

CT - I am so glad your session went so well. You are probably so relieved! Good for you! SmileyRead More...

thanksRead More...

Hey there, WLOH! Welcome. Just wanted to wish you good luck at your session! I hope it doesn't resort to eating crushed glass and cockroaches.Read More...

Hi Dragonfly Bit late I know, only been able to pop in and out here the last week but just wanted to add to the other comments and say thank you too for posting your experiences on dissociation and especially DID. I still dissociate (a bit too much for my liking) but am relatively ignorant about what DID might be like to live with, so thank you for your openess and explanations. And no,I don't think it matters if any alters were to post here - just getting what needs to be said out is the...Read More...

I just wanted to pop in here and say this thread is just hysterical. Thanks for the laughs! I heard The Gambler on my way home the other night and started laughing. I don't think I'll ever be able to hear that song again without thinking about you, Jones. I'm ashamed to say I'm not as familiar with LOTR as all of you. But I really understand getting wisdom where you find it, so no worries, AG - I don't think anyone is going to shun you! Your love of LOTR sounds a lot like my love of the Clan...Read More...

Well, I called the first number and left a message with the receptionist...we'll see how long it takes to get a call back. I also put in a call to a place that has lots of therapists in the office and set up an in-take appointment there. They are setting up an appointment for me with someone according to what I need, but we'll see how it goes. The good thing about this situation is that I can probably ask for a referral within the same office if I need to. However, I am not meeting with them...Read More...

lizzygirl, That's great you can still email him. It will give a sense of connection while he is away, and he may even reply, who knows? I would be as obsessed as you think you are, I would count down days till he comes back, I would be so anxious and would not feel entirely safe probably till he comes back.Read More...

Well, I am happy to say that it went well! No BB, I didn't rip the sign off the wall , as it actually sits in a plate holder on a console table. It's a 12" x 12" ceramic tile with vinyl lettering and it was given to her by her colleagues when she moved offices from the building across the street (where her office was in the basement) to the hospital (where she has a fancy corner office with windows on two walls). I'd be in BIG TROUBLE if I did anything to that sign. I did ask her what it...Read More...

Hey MTF, I'm glad you were able to clear the air a little bit with her, and I'm glad that you're going to stay with her. As tumultuous as all of this has been, so long as you both stay open and committed, I think this will make your bond even stronger, and you'll feel much more secure with her in the long run. Let us know how your next session goes!Read More...