Hey MTF, I don't have much to add to these great comments, but I just want to say that I'm reading and supporting you all the way! I just wanted to mention that I can understand what you mean about having confusion when it comes to God. I've found that since I've been emotionally numb for so long, it's so hard for me to commit to a relationship with God when He's not physically here. I have so much trouble with normal men and women that I can't fathom the type of love that God supposedly has...Read More...

CT: Thanks for sharing this stuff with me via the link you posted in my thread. I could have written a lot of the earliest stuff myself. It makes me feel a lot better and gives me some courage that I can do this! Ugh. Scared still, but I'm feeling a bit better now. I'm so glad that you had a good outcome with your T, and I'm so hoping that I get a similar response from my own! MTFRead More...

Hi Lamplighter! I'm a few days late, but I wanted to thank you for taking the time to respond to my call for help. I was able to get in there and talk to her about all of my issues (well, most of them) and things weren't as bad as I'd imagined them to be (surprise, surprise!). Most things got resolved, and I know in time the rest will be, too. She was really understanding about the fact that I feel traumatized by all of this and asked if I wanted to be transferred to a new T. That was hard,...Read More...

I wanted to reply to everyone individually, as I appreciate each of you taking the time out of your lives to respond to my cry for help. Thank you! Amazon: I feel that my trust with her is growing a lot, and thank you for the reminder that she did indeed pass the last test with flying colors. I feel she cares about me and our attachment to each other is important to her as she knows that's where my healing will occur. For now I will stick with her and work on fixing the trust issues. Thanks...Read More...

I usually would just ignore looking at something like that. For whatever reason, I decided to click on the link and see what it was about. I am soooo glad I did. This is amazing and I agree with others who wrote that every time I play it I hear something new, something to think about. Thanks AG, As usual you share the most awesome things. EmogirlRead More...

Hi Jones...thanks for telling me you've experienced something similar, I am surprised but also glad to know I'm not the only one! Just to clarify something I said...the "visual" part, I don't actually "see" anyone...like you said, it's an "internal" presence, and sometimes I take the next step and imagine that it's external, but I know it's my imagination. It is so weird and difficult to put this into words because I've been doing it as long as I can remember (in general, I mean...not just...Read More...

Spagirl it sounds like you’ve turned yourself inside out, bent over backwards and done everything you could have to make the relationship with your mom work out better. It also sounds as if the way you deal with it now does more or less work for you, in that you can detach yourself when she turns on you and come back to her later when you are not so much in pain. It’s not ideal but maybe that’s the best way for you to deal with it all right now. I think that maybe what would help you the...Read More...

BB Well done you for: recognising your need AND being brave enough to ask him for what you need. WOW that's very brave and real progress - and great to feel that it was ok with him and maybe sneakily what he might have been hoping for too!! [QUOTE] [/Interesting his response...almost like he was waiting for that all along.QUOTE] Do you really think he doesn't like you? Or do you just worry in case he doesn't? Body language is difficult to decipher and he should be expert at NOT showing any...Read More...

Hi Janedoe Great to hear from you and have an update. It sounds like you are doing amazing work in an equally amazing and supportive environment. Great too to feel you can do or say anything and know you will be carried and helped thrugh that and come out the other side, however tough. That there is someone there to talk to when you need it, not the dreadful 'I'm stuck on my own with this and nowhere to turn to' that we all know so well. Good on you. Keep at it and I would reiterate what...Read More...

Hm, that's interesting. Now that I read your posts dragonfly and MTF, it made me put together some thoughts about a few women that I know/known in the past. I felt there was something very special about them. I think I kind of track these feelings back to my aunt, not my mother. They were not like my mother at all. My aunt was babysittig me when I was small, I don't know if it was on one occasion or more, but I always had this special feeling about her. Like she was somebody special to me...Read More...

My P just brought up self soothing this week, so I did a search on here and found this thread. I'm confused about what exactly is involved in self soothing. My session this week was a non-talking one on my part so I didn't ask him what he meant. He said that people with traumatic childhoods often never learned to self soothe, so when situations arise that cause stress/discomfort, they become more distressed because they can't calm themselves down. So what I'm wondering: Is self soothing...Read More...

Dragonfly, I'm sorry. (Couldn't resist!) OK OK I'll behave! BTW I didn't see you raging at us at all, I saw your anger being directed against what happened to you and I think that 's a good thing. And I agree that's it really good that people be able to express their thoughts and feelings for whatever they are. I share your dislike of the the secrets and lies and denials. I remember once my T didn't answer an email of mine for three days in which I had asked for reassurance so I had gone...Read More...

Hi Lamplighter... I'm so glad to hear that reading the posts here has helped you in your therapy and in understanding the process. I don't think Ts really tell you this stuff but it's vital to healing. I like to remind people that the relationship IS the therapy... especially in patients who have had attachment injuries and trauma histories. Where we have suffered and been hurt is through interpersonal relationships. Usually with our parents/caregivers and so the only way to heal is to...Read More...

Hi SB: Sorry I never did respond to your reply. That whole experience with my T was a major trip and for four days afterward I was still "processing" the whole thing. Weird. I just kept having my T's face popping into my head with her eyes full of tears and the feelings that brought up for me during the whole experience would resurface and flood over me and I had a really hard weekend. My T ended up calling me Tuesday to see how I was doing, and that helped to stop all of that from happening...Read More...

Hey there Blackbird I too wish there were some kind of litmus test of a T’s caring, a kind of formal checklist of things they have to complete in order to be deemed trustworthy. Having said that I’m the kind of client who if I had Mother Teresa sitting opposite me I’d still be checking her out for trustworthiness. Knowing that about me, I tend to make myself give the T the benefit of the doubt (at least for a while!) and just assume he is caring and trustworthy, until proven otherwise.Read More...

Going to chime in here too, I noticed the other day that one of Monte’s posts had gone but didn’t realize she’d deleted others as well. Am writing this too because there’s a chance Monte might still read the forum, so if you are, please don’t disappear, at least let us know that you are ok?Read More...

Hi Smiley! Love the name!! <-- that's how I picture you!! lol! Sorry to hear that you are in the same poor-eye contact boat... but I'm glad you are finding this thread helpful! I gave my t my letter about eye contact today... about how I'm scared of it and I avoid it and how I'm afraid she's going to be affected by it, etc, etc,etc. She said that she doesn't want me to try and make myself look at her... that it's not something she wants me to force myself to do. She said she will always...Read More...

{{{{{echo}}}}} I'm so sorry, echo. This only happened to me once, and it was a very different scenario, not a "quiet" session...but still, it hurt my feelings when he said it, and I left the session feeling very sad and disappointed. IMO, this is one of the things T's should never say. Unless, maybe, if the fire alarm is going off. And even then, they should offer to continue the session at a safe distance from the flames, at a discreet distance from the crowd. In other words, it is probably...Read More...

Thanks CH, My T and I have never talked about contact between sessions so i just thought she didnt allow it lol She did say although i didnt phone her it was important that i told her that i wanted to, so glad i did HevRead More...

Yeah, I continued seeing my P after that up until he retired. It actually spurred us to start therapy because he didn't know me too well at that point, and it was pretty clear I needed more then just drugs. Good luck with your appointment, I hope you can get things sorted out ok.Read More...

Hi Emogirl, My therapist was originally trained in Cognitive Behavorial Therapy (CBT) and he still uses some principles but I would identify his approach as eclectic. He has been practicing for around 30 years and reads constantly to stay up on advances in the field. It's definitely psychodynamic and he uses a lot of Kohut's principles. We have based most of our work together on attachment theory and he's very excited about mindfulness and Interpersonal Neurobiology. But the most important...Read More...

Hey BB, Just gave a little update over at the EMDR thread (in Stories & Personal Accounts). First EMDR will be next week, it turns out, but I'm having trouble deciding on 'targets'. Also, my T is leaving in a few months, which is a bit distracting! Thanks for asking. JRead More...

Hugs MTF, I wanted you to know I think it is very honest of you to admit to all your emotions for T, the positive and the negative. Good luck in your session.Read More...

I am just back from being out of town for a while and saw your post. I wanted to reply because my past relationships with men have caused me great angst and I think is a big issue for me in therapy. I too had only 2 important relationships with men, but mine were more long term. The first one lasted 3 and a half years. It ended with me falling completely apart, and really never recovering. Thus the second relationship was never really truly intimate and committed, even though I was married...Read More...