Hi Hummingbird, Yes, I guess a bit of discomfort won't kill me. My P has gone on a few days holiday and will be back next week. I have been able to address this briefly at times with her but get acutely uncomfortable. I know she wants to do whatever it is I need but I fear rejection from her or even ridicule. She has not rejected me in the least or ridiculed me so I guess this is me. Last week when I told her I was really angry and it didn't quite make sense...her reply was "it's...Read More...

JAO....I can empathise with a lot of what you're feeling. I feel completely overwhelmed at the moment...this has only happened to me a few times before but it's so scary. I'm doing all the wrong things, binge-eating, drinking etc. I'm hanging on by my fingertips and I can't reach out because I don't want to inconvenience people, nor do I feel that they want to help. I'm particularly upset with a friend who doesn't seem to care about the pain I'm in. I don't know if I'm asking too much of him...Read More...

I too have quite a bit of trouble in this area. I told the T- my T that I don't do dependency. I was feeling scared that I was becoming dependent on him, his response was that in my case being dependent was ok for a while and that through that , I will grow. I did not agree, but I tried it. He has been very supportive. It seems as though I am practicing on him. This practice is allowing me to form friendships- attachments to others without feeling so threatened. My relationship with my T is...Read More...

(((((lonelyinhiding))))) I second crazy lady's post...what you said really touched me too. You did the right thing in reaching out; I hope you keep posting and let us know more about you. Whatever is going on with you, you will very likely find at least one person here who has gone through that, too, and hopefully you will find that you don't have to be hiding in loneliness anymore I also lived with certain problems for many years because the few tentative attempts I made to get help were...Read More...

Thanks for your replies. I had my session tonight but couldn't tell him about my feelings. I did manage to tell him that I was avoiding talking to him so he didn't learn too much from me so I answer his questions in as few words as possible. I also told him I enjoyed when he got something wrong. Eventually I admitted there was something I wanted to tell him but I wanted to figure it out before I talked about it, I wanted to understand it and all the ramifications. After a while I told him I...Read More...

Thanks SG, I read your post last night and tried to reply but I guess the site was being serviced. Thank you for seeing how important what happened yesterday was for me. I wasn't sure anyone would see that....so yes, I got what you said and thanks again. It is painful to be in misery without relief so to find something that works and helps the kid inside is very cool. I am still totally amazed at how our brain/nervous system and body are connected and can work together to help us get better...Read More...

Samy, I think it's great your T came to visit you in hospital. I hope you're feeling better! I think having rigid, unflexible boundaries is just as damaging for a client as not maintaining good enough boundaries. The boundaries should be based on the needs of the individual client so I don't think you're T did anything wrong in coming to visit you. I don't think you like her too much, I just think its scary to like her so much because in the past it was dangerous. But she's safe, so enjoy...Read More...

Hi Echo, While I agree that sometimes divorce is the right thing to do, and that staying in an abusive marriage can be worse for the kids than a divorce, I also believe that it should be a last resort. I know for me that getting involved outside my marriage was a clear symptom that something was missing in my marriage. But during counseling it became clear that at least part of the problem was my inability to get close to ANYONE. If I had left my husband, deciding that I had just chosen the...Read More...

Hi BW: congrats on the publications!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Read More...

Thank you for the warm welcome BW. And just so you know, I think that everyone has insight...whether they have experience in the topic presented or not...don't sell yourself short.Read More...

Very cool. I think that this is what mature love looks like. When we don't need to mold the person into what we want because what they do is not a reflection of us. Of course this is easier said then done and takes tremedous ego strength. I can look back now and see how I have lost a few of my relationships this way, by holding on too tight.Read More...

HB, In my busyness I just read your post. Isn't this what it's all about?? Sounds like you've been becoming your own Self....equal and valid and whole. This is why therapy is so exciting! It's about maturing and it's awesome that we can find that opportunity after our childhood/teenage years. I loved reading about your progress. Hope you have a marvelous day. KarieRead More...

That's an important one too AG, thanks! I started reading "reinventing your life" today which is a less technical book about schema therapy. Mistrust/abuse is the schema i am most bothered with at the moment. And it lists ways it can show in relationships. I found it quite eye-opening so thought I might share: I can see many of these things in my life and this makes me more aware of them so i can try to tackle them one by one. LTFRead More...

It's so hard to see someone you love die. I'm sorry man. I think that the best you can do ius really be with him where he is at. It seems that he has reached the point of acceptance, which is a hard stage for most close friends and family members to accept. The best thing you can do is sit there, wtch tv, laugh, and if he wants talk about what is happening to him. Also, take care fo yourself. I have not had someone as close as a parent pass yet...so I am lucky. I don't even know how I would...Read More...

I think I've known one guy who's gone to therapy, but I know many who really should be going.Read More...

As a male I can tell you that you are not being "too female." Nor is he being "too male." There seem to be some big issues here that need resolving. One, why can't he see or tell you that this was a dangerous path to take. It is very common in marriages with children for partners to lose that spark. I know I experienced the same thing with my wife. It feels good to hae attention from atractive women. You can love your wife, and tell yourself you would never cheat, but it can happen, and is...Read More...

DBT is not only group but also individual therapy. If you you put much weight in research it has been prove to be the most effective therapy for BPD. That being said...it doesn't mean it will be right for you. You need to do what works. There are parts of DBT which I love and others I could do without. It does, however, provide a good base of learning your emotions and how to not let them rule your life. I would also say that BPD is a label that gets thrown around alot. Do not let yourself...Read More...

Usually when you fel like it's time to end therapy is a good time to really explore why you feel that way. It is a good time to examine how this pattern of becoming able to be close and wanting to leave is like the other relationships in your life.Read More...

Hi HB..... I bet your assumption is right on for most people, obviously is for me anyway. Thanks for your reply. Hope you're doing well? I'm glad, real glad to be settling in here. My mom and dad came to visit today. They are frail...my dad nearly died last year, had heart surgery then a stroke. I guess I don't need to say he is not the same. Attachment stuff and my love for them is tugging at me tonight. Ahh....somedays I wish I didn't have feelings.Read More...

Hi CT, I will miss your posts alot! and like AG said, I've really appreciated your insight and honesty as well! Good Luck to you and I wish you the best! mlcRead More...

Hi Luna, I just wanted to say welcome to the site, sorry not to say it sooner, life was a little overwhelming this past week and I'm way behind in the posting. I'll chime in with everyone else's comments and tell you this is an amazing place with incredibly supportive, and wise, people. I'm looking forward to getting to know you. AGRead More...

Dear Ballboy89, It is difficult to move away from your childhood friends and on top of that to have to adjust to being away at college. Do any of your friends from college invite you home for weekends? That is an extra way of bonding with new friends. About your Mom and Dad,sorry...no matter when divorce occurs, it is hard. You think you are mature and then you are blindsided with this news. Wherever your Father moves to, can you live with him when you are away from college? Do remember that...Read More...