Lexi, I sixth that motion. I think many of us here struggle or have struggled with many of the feelings that you are struggling with (feeling like we are losers, feeling like things are all our fault, and even hating ourselves). We understand it. We're not scared of it. We're here for you. catgirlRead More...

River- I'm glad you're still around and am sorry to hear you're out of a job. I'm sure this whole thing is overwhelming... I HATE PHONE CALLS TOO! I just wanted to second CG's inquiry... How's the internship? Let us know! -CTRead More...

I made it through! I made it through Memorial Day, and the actual date of her death, which was yesterday. There's this weird feeling that I'm not sure how to describe or where it comes from. It's something about wishing that the anniversary never happened. Somehow it scares me. I'm not sure why. I think it has to do with the fact that somehow that makes it official. Now, she's really dead. Yesterday, I had so many times that I thought about something, and then thought, "Oh, I'll call Mom and...Read More...

Good response BW!Read More...

Hi CT, Everyone must be away for the long weekend you are having! I don't have much experience with your tooic, but I'll blab away seeing as no one else is around ... Pooooor YOU!! You need to stop being so hard on yourself! If you are happy and feel like the life you and your husband have is going great ~ then roll with it and if a little portion of it ever explodes, you'll work through it and get back on track You always sound so 'together' when you give others advice, and I'm sure that...Read More...

HB, Thanks for your response. You make a good point. It is what I do to myself after he finishes with me that causes the majority of the problems. I had forgotten about that, of course, my T would have reminded me today. After he does his thing, I feel like such a lame loser that I just completely start attacking myself. Those were the times when I lived with him when I would go in my room, shut the door, and sit there with a razor blade trying to keep myself from cutting myself. I would...Read More...

HB, Thanks for checking in. I've been wondering how you were doing with your move and all. I'm glad to see that things seem to be working out for you. It must have been the right time. Glad you get to see your T soon. You must be excited. catgirlRead More...

Thanks for the warm welcome back! It's nice to be missed RobinRead More...

Hi Pattie; You sound like you're leaving us! I hope not. I'm glad to hear that you have decided to get another referral. The whole idea about therapy is to give you consistency and someone you can count on to be there when they are supposed to be. It's a big step, but will likely be the best thing for you! Be well! HollyRead More...

Hi Vik! Welcome! I'm glad you're hear and hope that you find this place to be a comfortable resource for information and support. Looking forward to hearing from you. -CTRead More...

Thank you for your support and guidence. My T told me today that I'm not asking for "too much". And my Mom said the same thing. (I thanked her, QG.) I still feel like I am, but some of this guilt has got to be part of my depression. I feel like the anxiety is driving me insane. I keep thinking if I fix all the things I worry about like house repairs and cleaning then my anxiety will stop...but doesn't. My thoughts just skip to the next thing that might stop the anxiety and depression. It's...Read More...

Hi Holly, I didn't see that you responded either until today. You might have read in other posts how things are progressing with me and this job thing. I should have moved on from here a year or so ago....the thing I have learned from this whole thing is that next time I'll listen closer to what my body is telling me through the amount of stress and dysregulation I feel on a regular basis...I think if I'd listened I'd have worked harder to leave much sooner, probably before the suicide even...Read More...

Hey there Yina .. missed ya in here! I'm glad that you are going to give this a whirl. I think that it's important for people to take a step back from therapy to stretch their wings and see if they can apply the things that they had learned in the theraputic process. So good for you Tina! I guess the other side to that is while you are going on your own .. you need to be receptive to signs of slipping back to patterns that took you to therapy in the first place. NOT THAT IT IS GONNA HAPPEN...Read More...

AWE COME ON!!!!! I know you aren't THAT nice! Hi again Catherine. Yeh, 12 is a lot. I would think 3-6 would work out a bit easier. Mind you I would be pretty excited (if I were single of course) if I have the option of finding 2 people to date let alone 12! So I assume you let your b/f go? You'll heal, but don't take forever doing it You don't want to keep Mr. Right waiting! LOL If you want to chat about how your feeling, just post again and we'll be here for ya HollyRead More...

THANK YOU! Your reassurances of being here during this difficult time is a relief! I so appreciate all of you. I will try to check in here every day and comment. Thanks for being here for me.Read More...

I'm supposed to be on my way out to the Shrink already .. but this is always a more enjoyable place to be in the morning LTF Sorry for assuming you hadn't read my post to SG, you seemed far too supportive to have done so. I'm glad that you didn't find me to be too abrasive in it and supported my opinion. I've realised though that I was inappropriate and should have proceeded differently, expecially considering I had never exchanged notes with SG before and hadn't developed an idea of how...Read More...

Thank you (((CG)))Read More...

Catgirl, Thank you for responding so thoughtfully to my post. I am not at all offended and I appreciate you hearing me. Sorry I didn't answer earlier, I was having a totally unrelated meltdown. And honestly, my emotional reaction felt like I might have been triggered which means I was reacting to more than was going on. So the same here, I'm sorry if I hurt you or offended you. And I definitely didn't mean to send you towards a pit; this isn't even close to anything that bad. I hope we're...Read More...

Jo, That sounds nice. To all: Thanks for your concern. My fever finally broke last night! Yay! I'm still exhausted and mending. I was getting a little concerned there, as I was having urges to oink and roll in the mud. I thought I might grow a curly tail and a snout. catgirl (NOT piggirl)Read More...

Wow! What a beautiful way of looking at this. I have passed these amazing words on to the mother. Thanks so much!Read More...

not a therapist, but from my angle, maybe you have already had that kind of sexual experience, and maybe you don't consciously remember it? I agree that a licensed therapist who has experience with these sorts of issues would be the best place to go. Good luck and don't beat yourself up.Read More...

CT - I hope your trip goes OK. I know what you mean about being out of your comfort zone and your routine. Hang in there, you will be back before you know it, and then the very next day, you will be in your T's office. I'll be waiting to hear how your vacation goes. OWRead More...

Hi catgirl, Sorry i didn't reply, i didn't see this message! I actually realised i wasn't dependant on my T because I got quite angry at her for something she did (I felt she broke my confidence a little) and did not have any contact for a few weeks. During that time i was able to lean on my friends for support, and although i missed my T, i realised the dependence was not unhealthy and that made me more comfortable with our entire relationship, and with the therapy process. Someone also...Read More...

Tina, Hear, hear! cargirlRead More...

BTW, if it feels discouraging, it's probably not the right person for you.Read More...