we taking a course called 'research methods' and well i were so hopin that meant math but it don't. we just gotta know how to read articles of research stuff in them like statistic stuff but not have to do the math stuff. i totally love math! but we don't got the extra time for me to also learn that statistic math stuff. stinks i say. samyRead More...

JM - I can feel the contentness oozing from your post, I am very happy for you. Your post reminds me of what my T said just this morning... when you feel a connection (usually a parent) and feel that unconditional love and acceptance, it stays with you even when that person isn't around or isn't there anymore. You just feel it so deeply that it is part of what gives you the confidence to go out on your own and live your life. She said if you didn't have that growing up it doesn't mean you...Read More...

Yay!Read More...

KATS: Congradulations! Sounds like you ARE growing--in positivity!! keep up the good work! ajbRead More...

JM I swear you should become a T. You have such a way of explaining things that makes so much sense to me. Maybe I'll get there someday. Or not. PLRead More...

Very good because similar things crossed my mind after I decided. It's really from a recurring phrase from one of my favorite books, The Hotel New Hampshire - "Keep passing the open windows." Literally it means don't jump out the window and kill yourself, but to me it's my reminder to not give up, no matter how bad things seem.Read More...

Yes that is why you see her and pay her good money so put her in charge of the clock and save 15 minutes of the session if you have to, to just focus on you. It is your time - the only time you probably get to be self-centered during the week.Read More...

Good because you're both.Read More...

Kats, Part of the fear that wells up in me when I experience someone's kindness or caring is that it will end all too soon. It isn't always about getting hurt by them but also that my need to be cared for feels insatiable. Any one person can only do so much, there is a limit on everyone's ability to care and pay attention to someone else. Plus if you keep asking they are going to get really sick of you. But just a little attention and caring doesn't hold me over for a while it actually seems...Read More...

thanks for this great suggestion, Robin! my word is definitely : COLORFUL as opposed to black and whiteRead More...

I hope everyone is having a good Christmas. I miss my T too and it's only been 2 days. I envy those of you who are seeing T next week because I won't see him for 13 days. not that I'm counting obsessively LOL. TN, I'm glad your T responded and his surgery went well.Read More...

Merry Christmas Scott, Robin, Antoni, Toby, Samy, Mary et al! I have loved getting to know all of you this past year. And Merry Christmas to everyone else also. I just want to say thank you to everyone who posts here. I have learned so much from everyone here, and having this community has been such an important part of healing. You're generosity, compassion, and care humble me. Doesn't leave me speechless, but does humble me. May you all know peace and joy this Christmas. AGRead More...

I've got a lot more weight to lose until I could wear Wonder Woman's outfit. Just wouldn't be very pretty right now. I would, however, love an invisible airplane!Read More...

OW, It was my Ts willingness to say this to me over and over and over, in session and in phone calls, that taught me to believe it. He was totally committed to giving me as much reassurance as I needed no matter how much that was. Along with telling me that he understood why I needed it. So I totally understand needing to hear it 10 or 10,000 times. AGRead More...

Thanks Toby. I don't know much about DID so I try to learn more so that I can understand the new friends I meet. Your explanation was easy for me to understand. Sorry, since I don't know much about it, I may not use the terms appropriately either. Thanks again for helping me to understand. JMRead More...

Hello Sacred_dreamr It is very brave of you to post what is going on with you. Take it from me I totally understand. I am not sure where you live, but your T has the right to inform the appropriate authorities if you are doing harm to yourself and they fear for your life. I know this as my rehab counsellor called the ambulance on me last week as I was on the verge of doing some damage to myself. They just want to make sure that you are safe. I know that therapy really gets me going...Read More...

thanks, I really appreciate the advice!Read More...

I think your dreams and your conscious working on different levels is very interesting. I always pay attention to my dreams, when I remember them. In your case, I think that deep down you really know that your T is your secure base, but your conscious just doesn't want to admit it because of your past experience. I've read that when you dream about other people you aren't really dreaming about them, but about some quality you want to possess in yourself, or a quality that you have yourself...Read More...

Hey that was great. Thanks alot. KatsRead More...

Hi Kats, I'm on Wellbutrin (have been for a number of years) but I remember it feeling like that in the beginning. I really started to feel almost too good in the beginning. But it settled out after a few weeks and now it just helps to keep me level and from sinking too low. OW was right also, different people can react quite differently. But 3.5 weeks doesnt' sound too early to me for you to feel a difference. Although it may be that a "normal" level of happiness may feel really intense if...Read More...

JM, I never take my T-shirt off. And I can totally relate to wanting to be 3 years old and sit on her lap." We can feel so secure and safe adn clear when we're with our Ts. And those are feelings we're not used to feeling so it makes sense its hard to leave it. Par of getting through therapy seems to be learning to ride the wave of longing in the first 24 hours. So yeah, I'm wearing my T-shirt. AGRead More...

We should all get a kick out of this! Mom has been "normal" lately (which is typical of BPD). Last night we were chatting along just fine and I told her that for Christmas she could get me a subscription to "France" magazine and that since she would have no idea how, I would simply put her as giver on one of those gift subscription cards. Simple enough, right? She came up with one of her lovely comments: "I wish you would just stuff FRANCE up your Ass!" (Huh?) :-o Whaaa? I stayed unaffected...Read More...

Hurray!!!!!!!! I hope you can find some quiet time to do something you've been wanting to do, but have been too busy to do. Congratulations! JMRead More...

My 2 cents: PS - I know nothing of your problems, so this is just advice from me. Don't discount a possible hormone fluctuation. We all go through those and our emotions can be deeply affected. Lighten up on yourself. Any therapist worth their degree will not become angry with you. Step outside your blues and see what good things are going on in your life (yes, I am sure there are some). Realize that everyone has a bad day or two. Stay quiet and ride it out. Watch a good comedy. Chant. No...Read More...

I have been thinking more about what Shrinklady said above. It is so true. When you get hurt by your primary attachment figures and close family members _so much_ love comes to “mean hurt” so you learn to block it out. I know 100% that I built an internal wall and I built it on purpose so no one could hurt me anymore. And that gap, which seems more like a gaping abyss that contains all the reminders of the flaming pain and hurt feelings we've experienced, sometimes creates an illusion that...Read More...