(((about))) I hope you will be able to feel the care your T and people here feel for you, and internalize some of it. It is hard to struggle with feeling pain and looking for ways to lessen it, there is nothing stupid or cowardly in that. Everything on earth with a pulse feels a natural drive to seek comfort when feeling pain. The part that takes time is learning which ways of seeking relief will bring lasting results, and which methods have unwanted side effects. You are continuing to...Read More...

((Cogs)) I'm so sorry for the health problems you are experiencing. Living with fear of finding out it might be something more serious than asthma is draining I'm sure. I am so happy to hear that you were able to have an affirming session with your T. I know you have struggled so much. I've had a few sessions where I've truly felt heard and supported. They are truly memorable. Hang on to that feeling. Know that you are capable of making that connection with T. Thinking positive thoughts for...Read More...

I have dealt with seeing my Psychiatrist hugging other patients in front of me. It felt like it was going to kill me. Especially because at that time I had already been seeing him for about 8 years and I longed to be hugged by him. I was so jealous but I felt like he didnt really want to go anywhere near me. I figured he would see me the way I saw myself which was disgusting and why would he want to be near me much less hug me or anything else. Every time after that when I went to see him...Read More...

Thank you both for your advise. Well, the subject of my SI increasing came up during our session. I guess she figured it out. I couldn't pretend anymore that all was ok. I will be spending thanksgiving with my children but will be alone all of Christmas. I don't know why this is so hard for me, really rediculous! It is only one day but for me if feels like the world should end. Stupid. Anyway, I am doing a preemptive strike and going in for one more ECT treatment on Tuesday. It is the only...Read More...

Re: What is TrueRead More...

I just cannot get over how much you sound like I did about two years ago. Keep going, it does get better.Read More...

Thanks for asking TN. I did go to my session today and it was different than it usually is. First things got more difficult. Yesterday I went to my respirologist. I have had asthma for the last 8 years and until recently it has been easily controlled by medication. A couple of months ago my meds stopped working and my breathing got worse and worse. I ended up with a chest X-ray and prednisone and I told T I was worried that I actually had COPD which causes irreversible lung damage. Yesterday...Read More...

((((about)))) Thank you so much for post and support (and the bit about the force gave me a smile!). Thinking of you and sending big hugsRead More...

(((everyone))) Sorry for not responding individually, but thanks again, so much. I got a ton of sleep today and my H cleaned up the house while I rested and that helped a lot. I think I am struggling with existential shame and annihilation anxieties right now as relates to my attachment to T. I know I'll get through it. I have to remember to take things one day at a time, because the big picture can sometimes be really overwhelming.Read More...

(((Liese))) Thanks for your interest. I never considered that the three dreams in the epic series might correlate with my attempts to discuss the tornado with T, but upon reflection that actually kind of fits. Neat. Oh, I wish I could remember the exact time lapse between Dream One and the epic series. I think it was around a week, not more than two. I don't think I actually came to any conclusions in the sense of deductions with the journaling. It was more like-- emotions and memories all...Read More...

first - I think our mothers are related or were in a past life I find I slip into little girl mode here and there. it really depends where I'm at emotionally, what situation I'm in, and who I am interacting with. I am often, although not always, able to 'catch' myself in the act - or even know prior to a situation if I may be feeling vulnerable and attempt to adjust my reaction accordingly. it's not easy though. And with my mom - oh, she tends to just kinda always put me there, just an...Read More...

((cat)) you talk about doing it right and being successful, but i dont think there is a 'wrong' way and i think just taking this on shows how far you have come and that you are already a success! i hope you wont feel dissapointed in yourself, just do what you can, thats all you can do. and its not all up to you either, your parents have to do their part too! anyway, sounds like some frustrating useless advice like dont worry.. but i hope you're not too anxious and doing ok. puppetRead More...

MDB) I will be thinking of you, and wishing you "THE BEST SESSION EVER" with your new T today. Let us know how it goes.Read More...

((((((tk and lo)))))) I will miss you so muchRead More...

Hi rissy, I'm new here too. I have the same problem you do. I am great at communicating through email, but when it comes to saying things in person I'm a terrified, nervous mess. There is another forum I am apart of and someone there suggested I handwrite a letter, to write it the exact way that I would an email but just on paper. The next step was either reading it out loud to my T, or to hand it to her to read. I tried this for the very first time last week (after a session where I...Read More...

Wow, Starfish I have a very similar tree story. My T has moved premises and I had to leave my tree behind - it was a copper beech. I like them a lot. I don't love where we've moved to as it is a set of rooms where I had some very shortlived therapy in the past. It didn't go well and I quit. Luckily there is sufficient emotional distance that it doesn't bother me as much as I originally thought it would, which is a relief. About, I'm always amazed at what our brains can do too. I hope you can...Read More...

(((SP))) Do you write for a living? You have such a way with words, and sense of humor that I genuinely love Even as bad as I feel you gave me a chuckle You know what they say about laughter too thank you SP AHRead More...

Athenacus: I'm really sorry for the pain you are feeling. Hope things start to get better soon.Read More...

Athenacus, I am another person who does a lot of analysing and thinking about why things are a certain way. I do think insight can get you to a certain point. I understand a lot of my stuff these days and that intellectual understanding does stop me running into my usual snags, particularly in relationships with friends and family. Sometimes it doesn't and I canon headfirst into a standard Mallard meltdown before my mind has caught up! My T is encouraging me to work with feelings too, rather...Read More...

Hi Cat. I'm hoping things are better for you now. I was having some personal issues and had to back away from the boards for a little bit. I wanted to respond to you. You know I know the inside of that ED trainwreck thinking all too well. My T is always trying to get me to see the middle ground. She says I seem to graze by that place as I swing from pole to pole in my black and white thinking. T should not have shared her cleanse information with you. That is absulute. But..... The problem...Read More...

I wanted to add something that I've been processing the past few days about exT. I'm having so much mental confusion about my feelings, and I'm trying to write a little now to sort them out somewhat... I've realized in so many ways how much my feelings that I can articulate are just like my feelings towards my parents. Feeling betrayed. Wanting to pretend the person isn't there in reality, they never existed. I don't ever want to see them or anything associated with them again. I cringe to...Read More...

Thank you again. *curling up and hiding* Rabbit: I had it during last session and tried to show it, but that's the moment I can't remember, so I am not sure whether it was discussed or not. Thank youRead More...

(((Anthenacus))) (((Liese))) Thanks for the hugs. (((River))) Thanks for saying that the limitations might be frustrating to my T. I don't know if they are. But, I do know he does think about relating in other ways, because sometimes he jokes about it. Like, because we are both into music, how it would be fun to be in a band together. Or him playing at my church, my playing at his. When I went camping, he had never heard of the campground we went to (which I grew up going to), and he...Read More...

((((cogs)))) i am sorry for the stuff you're going through in therapy. it sounds very frustrating and difficult. i wonder if you could take what you have written into your next session to help you express your feelings to T? i have a difficult time, too, expressing what i'm going through in "the now" ... i turn totally cognitive, i think in part to avoid the kind of emotion you're talking about. i wouldn't run just yet. share what you're going through, and yes, i think yoga could be helpful.Read More...