(((lost))) I'm deeply sorry to hear of not only what you've been through in the assault, but also the process of finding a counselor. It really is such a stressful experience to start with a new counselor, I can not imagine how much stress was added to be treated disrespectfully on top of it!! I feel angry for you that you have been through trauma and treated so unfairly. FWIW I do not think you sound stupid at all, and I definitely think you deserve to be treated with respect. I hope you...Read More...

(((yaku))) This...is...sooooo...me. I can relate immensely to so much written in this thread. I was also told what I thought or believed throughout my childhood, and it is maddening to feel that mirrored in adulthood. I am sorry it feels so intense for you It is a process to learn to have compassion with yourself when you've been so terribly invalidated growing up. I think part of the difficulty for me is I have such black and white thinking, and when I hear I'm wrong I go into panic mode,...Read More...

((FA)) Absolutely brilliant news! So happy for youRead More...

Sent! CBT shall save us yet.Read More...

(((About))) Just wanted to say I thought this was a beautifully imagined and sensitively written post. Seasonal changes throughout the course of therapy have been evocative for me, too. In fact T and I are just coming up to our third winter together. Some of my most memorable therapy moments are coming into the warmth and comfort of her office when it's been cold outside, or raining, or dark (we often have evening sessions.) They are good images. And I think you are right that holding a warm...Read More...

((((catalyst)))) I've had to be somewhat selective as to which threads feel safe enough for me to read through now, but seeing this one resonated too much to not comment. I hope sharing some of my experience with you may give a tiny bit of comfort... Throughout my teenage years, I had a tremendous trauma bond with my father. That's the short version of the story, (don't want to hijack your post) With him, by the time I'd reached the age I could move out, it became life and death as to having...Read More...

Liese, Are you enjoying the workshop? Did you do yoga or meditation before you went? It looked really interesting. I was thinking of going in April. What does he say about working through traumatic feelings? vs. being mired in them. I look forward to hearing more about the workshop when you return. As an update, I spoke to my T on the phone on Friday for a long time (for us). I told him the immediate trigger for me to shut down was attempting to tell him about how I handled a discussion with...Read More...

Another update, because I think this rupture is officially huddled, as I finally was able to hear what T was holding back from my last Friday's session and why, so I'm not obsessing anymore. Basically, he said that he really likes me, has warm feelings toward me and connecting with me, which have come up in our last few sessions (though from past conversations, I know he has felt care for and enjoyment of me previously). He said a couple of weeks ago, for example, we were having a...Read More...

(((TK))) (((joy))) (((CD))) Thank you!!Read More...

HIC, I am sorry I didn't respond earlier. I really like your interpretations. They are much more creative than anything I would have come up with. If I had to interpret myself I might say those dreams are about my connection with different aspects of myself...the teenage part (the nail polish part), the dependent part (the baby), and the adult sexual part (as Mary Magdalene). The part about the couples session...I'm not sure about. But thank you for putting so much thought into it. I like...Read More...

Brainstorming would be awesome, Jill. What I am most afraid of is not employing solutions and failing. ((((Peng,joy, Jill)))) Just popped on briefly... the parents will be here a week and sTaying in a hotel. .... I just feel so awful being worried... I'm not sure how to react or how I will react and so ashamed it is an issue. Just mentioning it made me feel ill. I'm suffering very bad anxiety with my therapy. I feel so distant and rejected... yet have not been distanced or rejected... and it...Read More...

what a great moment, BLT!! I'm so happy for you that you could have such a powerful experience with your T, who obviously cares deeply about you. I am also lucky and have a T who does hug. We've only hugged 3 times, but each of them was so special to me. I'll never forget them and how cared for I felt. How healing that can be. So happy for youRead More...

(((joy))) How sweet of you, thank you It is very scary, but I hope you feel safe enough to share if/ when you are ready too. It is healing to be heard and supported. Thank you for thinking of me!Read More...

(((TK))) I think this is a very wonderful reminder, and I think it was beautifully written. Good thoughts!Read More...

Ohh Psychodrama is hard - my T did a bit of that today and we've done gestalt stuff... I hate it you are brave to go with the flow!! I'm sorry it brought up stuff that has left you raw. Sometimes moving on from our crap means wading through it to get to shore... It's good to know what you're walking in (as much as tolerable) so the way out seems safer (as ugly as it will be). Have you asked your T what she is hoping you will do with it all? Mine says it helps integrate and have stuff...Read More...

Thanks everyone. Your feedback on these extremely raw feelings and exchanges with her mean quite a lot to me. The KidRead More...

I know brain injury can cause an impact on mental health issues - it's always been on my intake paperworks at T or P as far as I can remember. I did not have a hematoma but suffered a traumatic head injury (blunt impact, not a situation related to abuse) and I report that. I don't think it has caused any issues - aside from the memories I had in the hospital which is never fun for a 4 year old. I know in somatic therapy pre-verbal body trauma can be processed, so that may help - even drawing...Read More...

Wow Mallard you are miles ahead of me. I am so glad you can give yourself that kind of understanding and compassion. That is my goal. I am guessing that self compassion is the key to handling the pain in a way that is not so shaming to me. Puppet!! So cool to see you post here. I think my new T is very skilled. She is different than anyone I have seen before. She is very blunt and told me she is very blunt. I said "I am starting to figure that out." and she laughed. However I can tell she's...Read More...

(((TN))) Thank you so much. I'm glad you understand and can see it as a light bulb moment. I've been so ashamed and feeling awkward about this. Like I should feel something else, but don't. I'm glad you can see your T's care... sometimes it's hard. I know I can only see her care now because I saw my rage and abandonment for 6 months first Filters... like you said! Today I saw T2 since I called her and I'd heard back in text. She said the message was so nice to receive... and she said it...Read More...

Thank you lovely people for the support. I am scared, but I'm really trying to have a positive outlook. My tests are early next week and I will be sure to update. Also, please send prayers and good thoughts my way. I could use them. Hugs, too. Those HELP so much.Read More...

Just a question Mallard, How can you help another down a path you haven't dared examine yourself? I'm with you on the feeling that it is too hard. But at least for me, somehow once something shakes loose, I can't seem to stop myself from going there. It like the universe conspires to make all thoughts go back to that which I am so afraid to process. JillannRead More...

Thanks TN you are a wise one! I will do my very best to make this work with my new T. I really think this can work. She has an approach and style that fits very well with me. Plus she just went to a Bon Jovi concert and that can only be a good thing. lolRead More...

Hi Becca... glad you found something in my post to help you with your T. Thanks for your response. Yaku... I have always thought you had a very smart, good, caring T and I suppose those kinds of T's have a lot in common. We are very fortunate to be in such caring hands. I am trying to hang onto the thoughts of those good things. I told my T today that while I can now remember them, I'm still trying to FEEL them. That is the difficult part. Hi Liese... yeah it's best that he is up front and...Read More...

Wise words, GE. I have experienced this a lot in my family. Athenacus, I hope you were able to enjoy your date. I think as a society we place an awful lot of pressure on women and mothers about sexuality and needs and we also socialise women to behave in an undemanding way. Ever notice with children how when people see a determined little boy and the comment is "Aw, he knows what he wants" and with girls it's "She's a demanding little madam". I know I am using extreme examples but I do see...Read More...

Hi Jen... the only silver lining I can see in your finding out the real reason is how clear it is that it had nothing to do with you. Your T has a human problem and it's best that he went into some addiction program or treatment before he could harm a patient. But I do understand the anger and hurt you feel. It is something to get angry about and I hope you can express it to your new T and work through it. You need for someone to hear the anger and hurt. You will get through this, one step...Read More...