Hi Monte, What you wrote was so beautiful. I was especially touched by you saying that you don't have to grieve because it isn't enough, and that it is sufficient in allowing you to enter into the world when you are ready. That was powerful, and really allowed me to explore a different perspective than where I was this morning when I wrote the beginning of this thread. I am reflecting on all of what was written here in regards to the therapeutic relationship. I think for so long I have...Read More...

((HIC)) Wow, you are so courageous and strong. I admire you for recognizing your own needs and putting them into effect. I think that your T sounds lovely, especially in her agreement that you can come for as long as you like. I had a T that told me when it's done it's done...and my T right now tells me what yours does. It's so comforting to be able to choose our path on this journey. I wish you the best on this and will be here cheering you on.Read More...

Thank you so much Hollow! It really felt good to stand up for me. I needed to do this. My T told me the same that you did here. That I could be rude in therapy. It's a place to reflect on my behavior and put it under the microscope. It totally doesn't look very pretty afterwards, but it sure felt good to get some things off my chest!Read More...

((Muff)) I worked a few years in a setting where perfection was demanded and it definitely heightened my intensity in therapy work. I can relate to fearing the unknown... 'who will I be if I feel good? what will happen if I allow anger over what was so unjust?' I so admire your bravery and resolve. I believe in you and know you can keep going. AHRead More...

I just wanted to say how I am also so very impressed. You are really strong TN. I admire you for that, and for laying it all out here so that we can learn with you as you go through this experience. I am still learning this therapy stuff, so it's nice to come here and be surrounded by people who explain things I have yet to begin to understand about myself. It really helps. I know I am a still a little wobbly on my feet about offering advice and new to the group, but I just wanted to provide...Read More...

Thanks Monte I worry anyway but this feels like one of those life changing things. Either I steer clear of psychiatry or I dive right in. It doesn't change who I am or how I cope but it probably changes how other people see and relate to me. So, I've provably set myself up for another disappointment by emailing oldT, who I stopped seeing in 2011, to seek some reassurance about my ability to be a good psychodynamic client. I got an out of office message back so I know today is her first day...Read More...

Hey Cat I hope things are better today. I am having a hard time too after yesterday and doing my best not to check in with her by phone. I think I have to make up my mind and stick with it.Read More...

I had a therapist call me at 11:30 once... but I'd just contacted them around 11 (via a message - it was an ED T). Some do work later in to the evening... 10 is a bit late to call someone. I normally cut myself off at 9, it could be that it was very important to her to get back to you as soon as she could on the same day? I don't know. I do very much hope you find someone who feels right to work with!Read More...

Stoppers: I am really feeling this right now: "I don't miss the therapist when she goes on vacation. I cancelled for this week because going seemed worse than not going." You are right about the power...I never did quite look at it like that...because when I say I am leaving at the ten minute mark, the Therapists says, "You really need to stay and finish this conversation, although it is difficult." Usually, I am desperately trying to run from difficult feelings. Thank you for replying. I...Read More...

Thank you for all of your responses. I do have a trainee therapist for about a year and a half now and sometimes I have doubts about our relationship, but there are other times where I felt that she is the perfect therapist for me. So, yours comment made me feel like I was not the only one that feels this way towards a trainee. But, I have told her that seeing her was one of the best decisions I have made for myself and that she changed my life. It is just a lot harder when trainee's are not...Read More...

That was an amazing piece of writing (((Yaks))), you have a wonderful gift of writing in words what others might feel but could never manage to express. Thank you.Read More...

Thank you for all your kind words and warm hugs, FA, RM and SP. It truly means a lot. I feel like I'm in mourning about something I don't fully understand. Today, especially, has felt like it has 100 hours in it. All I find myself doing is hiding under the covers and crying til I feel like are no tears left...and then I cry some more. Again, thank you. The KidRead More...

Thank you SO much RM and Turtle. Even though I was told this new story a couple of weeks ago, it has taken this long for all the intense feelings to surface. This weekend and today, especially, have been incredibly difficult and find myself hanging on only by a thread. All I can do is lay down and cry and cry and cry and then cry some more. I'm trying not to let all these feelings fully take over but it feels like I'm in mourning over something I don't understand. It's too much... The KidRead More...

Pretty explosive, hmmm, that does more or less describe my behaviour of yesterday morning. We were attempting to tidy up the play room mess when all hell broke loose and I actually kicked to plastic containers full of toys with all the rage and frustration I had in me. It actually felt so good the first time that I did it again, this time with the other foot. If felt great. Yeah, explosive it was. (the kids weren't around, don't worry) Things have calmed down and we have even been able to...Read More...

Hi Ainsley, It's not easy. When I first broke off contact with my mother I went into PTSD flashback mode and was terrified she would show up at my house with a gun. This was all a fantasy but the fear was real. I agree with you about being away from the family. That has helped to get me out from under paralyzing fear and opened me up to new relationships. There's more time and energy to spend with healthier people. When I looked back, after it happened, I wish I had done it years before.Read More...

((Hollow)) I'm pretty confident my T would take as long as it takes, she's told me a lot of her clients don't move to where we're working for one reason or another but that with everyone she meets us where we are at. She will challenge some of my neediness (and she has) as it relates to my parents (blood from a rock there). ((Nannabee)) Thank you! Actually... I am a little mad at my T. It did feel like she just left me in the dust on my rump without an explanation. What she plans on...Read More...

((Liese)) It's really good that you pushed yourself forward and went to see your T. You re-established that connection which will allow you to progress further and move your relationship closer. I know it's really hard to go sometimes. It's like driving really really slow, just wanting to listen to one more song, and dragging "butt" as you walk into the office DIFFICULT. I have those moments myself and like you, I find it to be relief to make that connection. Great job.Read More...

Thanks Yakusoku for the reassurance. This relationship I have with these two women is so challenging because I don't have many friends. I don't want to come across as jealous at all. But the feelings hurt my heart. I just poured my heart out to my hubby about it and he provided a sympathetic ear. SO much more than what my therapist is giving at the moment. I realize that this relationship is triggering the mom and sister thing I have struggled with for so long.Read More...

((Turtle)) I feel your pain. I want you to know you are not alone in this experience. I have been in this place, abandonment by a therapist. It's very difficult for me to talk about. I had been seeing my old T for almost a year and she decided one day that she couldn't do it anymore. Finding a new T is hard, but I know it's possible because after a few here and there testing the waters with some other T's, I landed in a good place. My wish for you is that you will land someone soft, warm and...Read More...

((Armored Heart)) Your heart is SO kind. Thank you from mine to yours. I really look forward to getting to know you and sharing in some of our stories together.Read More...

The organisation I work for; which has a very diverse workforce in terms of race, sexual preferences, religion and disability etc; has a very progressive view of mental health issues. There are 'in house' counsellors for staff who might suffer PTSD following work related incidents, depression, anxiety etc; and have just launched a new initiative on the companies intranet called "living with" where staff are encouraged to post their experiences. So far there have been articles on depression...Read More...

Ninna: When I read your post, I immediately thought of this dove commercial.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk I believe that when we are bullied or made fun of, we feel judged our entire lives. But what we have trouble understanding is how the world truly sees us, just how beautiful we really are. I really think you are a beautiful person, especially how open and raw you are in writing this painful experience. It takes a lot of strength to do that. I hope this video helps a...Read More...

TW*** Discusses ED’s, food and weight AH, Thanks so much for understanding and for wanting to push my BIL down some steps. (mostly kidding ) And you’re right, one of the reason I have so appreciated BN’s boundaries is that he has provided me with an up close look at how they function and how to set them. But as for my BIL learning anything, no holding of breath here... I am sorry that you had to experience that with your dad. My memories of my dad were of him telling me I wasn’t attractive...Read More...

Hi Mallard, at the moment, I really feel like I am just going through the motions. I do feel they are finally motions that are in my own best interest, but the reality of what I've refused to accept for so long is really starting to sink in, and it hurts so badly. I've hurt before; I know that's part of progress. I'm very mad at him, and I'm just so sad at the way I've allowed myself to be treated for so long. I must be more aware of my own actions and needs going forward. I could have...Read More...

Hi R2G, Yeah as I read your post I was like "that so sounds like low iron" Did you get the burning tongue, constant sighing or yawning, falling asleep easily no matter what is going on? etc?? One thing you may want to check out is if your body is able to absorb iron taken orally. The best thing I ever did was get a series of iron infusions. I got five of them over five weeks and I am telling you I am a totally new person!! It helped me in ways I didn't even think it would. The list is long...Read More...