((TK))Read More...

Just wanted to provide everyone a quick update on how today has been. I was initially going to hibernate so I could try and make sense of some of this. But, I know that's not the best thing to do so I forced my *ss out the door. Didn't know where I was going, I was just GOING! Even though it didn't prevent thoughts of disbelief, it helped distract. I have an appt with T this coming Wed afternoon, so the timing is good. I'll be very curious to know her thoughts. (Sent her a summary of what I...Read More...

(((Draggers))) (((Monte))) (((Mallard))) (((Rebuilding Me))) Thanks for all the encouragement for my work with my T so far and going forward. Monte, haha, sometimes he is maybe not the most "professional" in his approach, or maybe it is tempered with a non-standard level of investment. Your post meant so much to me. I reread it over and over again. Just to have someone say what he has said and I know, which is how deeply he cares, but still, to have it seen from the outside, is very...Read More...

Hi Elly Thank you for that very nice post. It's good to know that you are now doing so well in therapy with your new therapist. In answer to your question... by far the most helpful posts to me over the years have been the ones where members talk about their sessions and the obstacles they face and have learned to overcome or in talking about how their T's conduct therapy and what they expect, their boundaries and their theoretical perspectives. I have learned much from reading about others'...Read More...

Yea! I'm glad to finally hear some good news on the boards. Glad you stuck with it, BLT, and finally found someone who seems appropriately responsive. And good for you for recognizing your pattern with your mother and how you really can take care of yourself when she is being judgmental. (Yes you can!) (((BLT)))Read More...

Thank you for the hug Cat. I am sorry for the loss of your friend. I am also sorry that you know how it feels to feel so wrong about yourself. It is difficult. I also wanted you to know that I have been reading your threads lately but having a lot of trouble responding, I want to support you but I don't know what to say when your ED issues come up because mine are so very different. I don't expect that my sending a hug will have much meaning but I am always amazed on how much it means to me...Read More...

Hi Cat & co, Pfff, I only yesterday e-mailed a letter to my T, disclosing THE two most painful and embarrassing thinks I have been struggling with for a loooong time. I asked her for a response, telling her that I found the idea of having to wait until the next session intolerable. Shortly after that I sent her a purely practical e-mail asking if she could exceptionally schedule my usual weekly session at a later hour. Strangely, I recieved a reply to the second e-mail this morning,...Read More...

Hi ((A)) I think that's so sweet of your T. My T gets teary about connection stuff, too. Like, in a hard session and sharing and what have you. It freaks me out, and comforts me. Like turtle said it is okay to cry... I say this though knowing that probably the first two years of my therapy I rolled my eyes every time my T told me that. I hope you can tell him how you feel. That's the great fun of making a relationship w/ your T... you get to tell them all the uncomfortable stuff about it.Read More...

Really, really useful information here.Read More...

WANT! Muff, that really is beautiful. this is a lesson i'm very slowly learning ... that there is no "right" or "wrong" way. life is a smorgasboard and it's okay to try one item, and maybe it'll agree with you but maybe it won't, and that either way it's okay, so long as you learn from it. my mentality in life has more often than not been about being afraid of choosing incorrectly, to the point of not having any faith in my choices, to the point of NOT making cognitive choices but rather...Read More...

Hmmm...you've asked some good questions, Cat. The relationship between myself and the group has been their giving me a lot of care. What I hadn't thought of is I don't have a circle of different types of friends, so detaching myself would mean going back to isolation and hibernation. Relationships are so very difficult and scary and after a time, I just wanna run as far and fast I can in the other direction. I sometimes feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Being around people...Read More...

Hi TN, That's interesting, I'm an oldest w/ a 3yr old younger (brother). He was always quiet (I was/am absolutely in love with him) and a little quirkier than me. Where I'm more out going and confident, and curious. His weaknesses caused my parents to think very highly of him - that he was more sensitive, more artistic, and better w/ just about everything or forgiven for many things. I tend to find myself a lot "less" than others and maybe that is related - as i comparison to other clients I...Read More...

what is the weight (wait) that you ponder? only you can know, if there even is such a thing. maybe you're okay as is. only you can know.Read More...

Okay TN, this is a GREAT idea and I may have to steal it!Read More...

Thank you everyone. I was very lucky to have encountered J when I did. Sometimes I think making progress in therapy is not always down to training, intellect or anything that tangible; more two souls able to connect, imperfectly. J wasn't my solution or my salvation but she was a very important figure in my life, and a key piece in the jigsaw puzzle that has ended up being my path towards feeling more comfortable in my own skin. I am glad I got to tell her I was okay and our last meeting was...Read More...

Hi Kid. I haven't had much to say for myself lately, but I wanted to thank you for posting this, because you so nicely expressed what I've been thinking but too timid to write. This is a great place to learn and get support and to learn how to give support. I'm glad we (you, Li'l One, and me) found it! RabbitEarsRead More...

Hi Draggers, I totally get what you mean - what you wrote reminded me of that sense of being held that I experience fleetingly when I allow myself to breathe in my T's presence. Thank you for sharing xxxRead More...

As soon as you said the word "supervision" I already got rid of this T for you!!!! Major trigger for me as it was oldT's supervisor who demanded I be terminated so with my new T every times she says the word - i am off into terror mode. T still triggers me when she says the word as she is part of a peer supervision group. So for me it would be an absolute No for me for my new and old T to be in the same group. nothing about this guy sounds great Turtle. You would get a feel if he was going...Read More...

yeah, i'd say. there's so much we all take for granted, and it's tough to break that habit it's definitely do-able, though. go, us.Read More...

Hi TK, I am definitely afraid and very aggressive towards almost all of the younger parts of myself. The playful one and I are often joined at the hip - she is simple and not anyone I'm afraid of or angry with. If you have one inner kid holding everything I can understand how scary that would be for both your adult self and her. Maybe to build a relationship you can take small steps - spend some time "near" each other, and not process anything. That's how my playful side works - she's never...Read More...

oh tygr, did it not go well? fill us in when you can. puppetRead More...

Weird you mention animals, muff. I have excellent communication skills with furry little non-human-animal types.., T asked me last week what the human sign of a non-aggressive cat gesture was and I had no example to give her. A lot is in the non-verbals... Is why the gut is so importantRead More...

((erica)) thank you so much for your kind words they helped. today i'm feeling... grounded. i did a somatic activity to help my home feel okay (because i keep having anxiety in here, and somatic trauma issues that make everything else worse... sigh). my feelings change every couple of seconds. dissociation so my team of professionals believe. something got triggered and segregated (compartmentalized) me a lot and adjusting back to that system isn't working. it's like i had 10 boxes of...Read More...

i know. can you throw some water on that f*cking mud to loosen in up?Read More...

Thank you TN and BLT. You've both given me some really good food for thought. While she does confide in me somewhat, it's not to the same degree, so I've now learned something from you, TN. I hadn't thought of it from that perspective. Because it's on my mind more, I also talked to someone at the office about it, someone who's opinion I'm learning is quite reliable. I said to her this afternoon that with all this new awareness I'm gaining now with my continuing sobriety, it sometimes feels...Read More...