Words words. Their only words to describe this fuking hell! "Toddlers also need to go through a time of being able to express their rage ...." Infants do too, to alert their primary care giver for the need to be loved. And when they were forced to stop asking, that rage was also repressed. There was a ransom to be paid for the dream of love. I'm paying for it in therapy.Read More...

No need to understand it anyway Cat. Emotion will take you where you need to go.Read More...

bids for love led to abuse. the word love meant nothing except pain and wanting to dieRead More...

thoughts to you the weekend, too TNRead More...

Thank you for your answer Catalyst, and sorry for my late reply, I couldn't find time to answer properly and I wanted to process your answer. Thank you for expressing very well what I feel every time when she tells me she cares. Could you develop your thoughts on the attachment forms and the sense that there is a savior? It seems quite relevant to what I feel but I haven't read anything about it yet? I don't know, I just have this feeling I need to be cared for, that it would replace the...Read More...

That will do it!Read More...

I'm wondering if T should 'perform' more often Blu. He seems to be more giving of himself these days.Read More...

Hollow, I can relate to what you're saying here. When this happens for me it's usually feeling vulnerable, then an immediate need to protect myself. Protecting myself would come out to be my focusing on my T rather than in myself in a way... I don't know how really to explain. Connection can be so terrifying and I really do think downward and upward spirals is a great way to express the feelings... it describes what I went through perfectly. Have you talked to him about this stuff at all?Read More...

Rejection is like an emotional soup/brew/cuppa of feelings. Loss, anger rage, sadness,fear, confusion, anything can be thrown in.Read More...

I agree. It will be a very different matter in session though.Read More...

Enjoy!Read More...

'ey, they would at that.Read More...

it is too bad he wasn't put on keppra a year ago. saturday should be interesting. keep us posted.Read More...

Hi Mayo...I'm curious to know what makes you say feelings can't be trusted...Read More...

((TN)) thinking of you.Read More...

(((GE))) I'm sorry about the transference stuff, and the content you are processing right now - it's hard. There is really no way that it's okay to talk about it with him? It must be so hard w/o your H being supportive. It's okay to be angry and want to be with someone safe... I know my T has suggested I imagine her around to see if that will help calm me. It does. Sounds like Monday... sucked!!! It's really hard to deal with leaving session activated and like your T had rocks in their head...Read More...

Try and remember Blu: if you cant think of an answer, think 'fear of rejection.' It often is the answer. Rage once threatened our survival, so much so that brain repressed it. Therapy is about feeling that rage. It feels like it still threatens our survival before venting it.Read More...

Re: Psych exercise # ___Read More...

From my experience with my T, I've come to trust she understands exactly where I'm coming from because there have been times when she asks me to clarify something. She never automatically assumes she knows or says she does when she doesn't. That's my indication.Read More...

Hi Draggers, Thanks for the reply. I received an email from my ex T in connection with the email that I sent about termination. Nothing was mentioned about 'transference'. Instead, I was just referred to another therapist and informed that her ethics could not allow her to keep in contact with a client via email. Just felt really frustrated and in a 'dead end' situation with my growing feelings towards my T. I could never really talk about my feelings and obviously knew that they couldn't...Read More...

(((TN))) sending gentle thoughts to you.Read More...