Love is learnt? In my case love is dormant, still waiting to be triggered, but too many negative emotions within prevent that from happening. None who have always been free can understand the terrible fascinating power of the hope of freedom to those who are not free. _Pearl S. Buck.Read More...

I waited till the last quarter of the session to bring it up. I said, "Oh, I felt a little bad about the wire monkey comparison last week." T laughed. Then I said, "I thought maybe it was a little. . . dismissive?" T, "I think I told you at the time that it seemed like black and white thinking. There might be room for some more gray shades in there." Me (a little awkwardly) "Well, I'm sorry about. . . that." T laughed again. Then there was a long pause and eventually I changed the subject. I...Read More...

Maybe you don't have to decide...perhaps you just need to be with the people you feel nurture you best, male or female. I think when you feel you can't give or receive love you can get into relationships where the feelings might be misinterpreted. My early relationships were all based on the belief that physical intimacy meant love ( great lesson from childhood - not!) Now I am in a relationship which in any ways lacks a lot on physical intimacy, but we have an intimate dialogue and we can...Read More...

((anon)) by experiencing the isolation and loneliness and talking to T about it you're gradually healing that sad and lonely place inside. Its a really frustratingly slow process though! Lots of people with huge amounts of shame are terrified of infecting and contaminating those around them and are convinced people can see through their social facade to their core which they are convinced is bad and worthless. You're not bad or worthless and who you are won't harm anyone you get close to.Read More...

hey, ((((mudd)))). what both Jillian and RT said. spot on. be gentle with yourself, k?Read More...

Thank you CD, and Blu. It was an honor to have known him. We were both in pain about our lives, but somehow that pain never entered our friendship. We managed to live in the moment and go around, under and over our pain and not once permit that impostor in. A pain free friendship is rare and never forgotten. .Read More...

Your right Cat a lot of this is WTF. This isn't my 1st hospitalization but 1st time in a state facility. From what I hear from others there's a very nice facility over the state line, but I don't have anything to compare it to. I felt like I was doing well. I was making progress, getting ready for emdr & doing parts work which I've never done before. I was doing CBT, DBT & actually "using" it; I've tried it before but didn't really like it. Everything that's mandatory to go to here I...Read More...

Hi Kash Maybe a way to think about it is recovering your "true self" (both Winnicott and Masterson write about this) and being able to live freely and peacefully rather than in the constraints of your "false self" that adapted to allow you to survive your childhood but is an outdated and unhelpful way of perceiving and relating to the world in adulthood. You won't ever know what life would be like if you hadnt had to create a false self but you can heal and be able to live in a more...Read More...

thanks Erica well exams are over and while it was one of the craziest weeks I have been through recently, it was also amazing and sad at the same time. I had a three hour exam on Tuesday afternoon which involved writing 7 essays and answering 50 multiple choice questions in 3 hours. I was deliriously tired by the end. I had a session with T immediately afterwards and luckily his office was within walking distance from the exam centre but the 30min stroll seemed to drag on endlessly. I was...Read More...

I don't know the answer, but have an inkling that I have a ton of it well buried and not wanting to come out. The word has never been mentioned in my therapy. Yet.Read More...

I am SO glad you wrote that, makes me feel very normal now! I see nothing wrong with tracking a flight - a very usual thing for us to do...Read More...

Best I give an apple to the teacher Blu?Read More...

Mudd Anger is a very, very difficult feeling to manage. Same with rage. I actually have been struggling with this the past few days and here's how I handle it. I have come to see that anger and rage are usually underpinned by hurt relating to feelings of grief, guilt, shame and powerlessness. So when I start to notice how angry or rageful I seem to be feeling I immediately search deeper for the real reason. Anger can be legitimate but it can also be a very effective defence that ends up...Read More...

bluRead More...

Kashley-interesting view point on the tissue box. I never heard of that. I'll have to look into that or ask T about that. TAS-in my T training program we aren't required to attend our own therapy, but we are highly encouraged to do so. For some classes we can even get extra credit. I just read in one of my books the other day something about Therapist know thyself, which I take to mean you better work on your own issues before you start counseling clients (umm...not that our issues are ever...Read More...

Thank you Peanut. Thanks for understanding all this crap. I don't know what to do about anything anymore. I just wanto sleep everything awayRead More...