Hi Cat, Your 2 posts here are really amazing to me. (also, my apologies for - well, I'm not even comfortable with parenthetical hugs here, so my apologies for not. . .) You told T that you can't take in more, and you say that you feel that you take in more than enough. But I wonder if feeling that there is a limit to how much you can take (which kind of sounds like "tolerate" to me?), that there is an amount that is "enough," kind of shows how you're only letting things half way in - as you...Read More...

More talk about today, and why bubby me needs constant physical comfort from adult me. She needs to know I can care for myself and not feel deprived. I told him about my dream last night whereby mother was disrespectful, and degrading towards me. He thinks being emotionally deprived was pretty disrespectful and degrading in itself. Cuppa and ciggie time before hypno gave me time to think alone. The more therapy validates my feelings about the past, the more vivid that past becomes,...Read More...

Dear SOT Welcome to the community I feel so deeply for the neglected and terribly abused little girl inside you. Who is full of self-loathing, who sees herself as repulsive, worthless and shameful. But she is just a little girl. There is nothing she could have said, done or felt that would have warranted such horrific treatment at the hands of those who were supposed to love her. It was never her fault. I can resonate with the longing for someone to see what was going on and to be important...Read More...

LOL!Read More...

I've been around here for awhile,but I just never posted anything or registered. But then I saw your post and it was so similar to what I went through with my therapist, because of your post, I really wanted to respond back Good LuckRead More...

Hi Blu, Thanks for your insight and kind wishes. Saying goodbye after 9 years is also challenging. I sent my T my earlier post (the first one in this string) because I felt the need to let him know what I was feeling and struggling with. I am leaving on a trip, so I will post again. I hope you also continue to post. I was wondering about after therapy contact once in a while, like an e-mail or phone call, etc. I think we are phasing out, but I'm not sure now because of his illness. What I do...Read More...

I gettcha CD, and thanks.Read More...

Likes: G'day Blu!Read More...

WOW Summer, what you wrote resonated with me. that happens to me and I hadn't realised it until I read your words and it unlocked it for me. SDRead More...

(((BLT))) oh, i totally get that! like, WHY did i allow you to become SO important to me?!? shame on me! i can never rely on somebody else for anything, i am self-sufficient! the thing is, we DO develop very strong attachments to our Ts, and it IS very scary to think of living life without them. and maybe we hate them for that. it's all such painful stuff. i'm thinking about you.Read More...

Thanks for all the encouragement everybody; it was hard to know if that was all OK to share. I'm having a really hard time dealing with the shift inside right now (CD, as you said, it scares me to death!). I feel like I have no idea how I got here, to a place I think I must have promised myself I would never be, because of the risk of it. But, I know T is risking a lot too, not working with me in traditional ways for many people in his profession (although I know some do work how he is with...Read More...

Thank you Outsider Thank you for your kind words...he is very firm and though I may not like him too much of the time, I do respect him because he is firm... Sometimes the important thing is we get what we need and not necessarily what we want... It's good to know Outsider that you relate and you've had similar experiences...sometimes the journey feels so lonely. T.Read More...

Thank you guys! I'm still feeling absolutely crummy and crushed right now It's hard to talk about because... the emotions are so deep and so... painful. ((Jones)) It is a hole... I'm sorry you went through such the same thing w/ Manatee. I am trying to switch the perspective. I have mantras, I have little tags in my house that say 'I forgive' so I'm reminded... I don't want resentment in my heart and there is a lot there. I hope the relief was from that she was failing, she was just so cold...Read More...

I started seeing a new t a few weeks ago. Things seem to be going fine. My mother has become very sick in the time we started and is close to death. The last session was extremely emotional for me as I discussed my mother. I had never cried before in front of him. While I was crying he didn't offer me a tissue. Then all he said was it is ok to struggle. I knew that he had a vacation planned. At the end of the session he ended ubruptly and said have a nice Memorial Day weekend. I felt so hurt...Read More...

mudd, i ran into this article awhile ago and it really spoke to me. it might help explain what's going on in your family dynamics. hang in there during your latest heart-break. i'm thinking about you designated issuesRead More...

Hi RT, She has given me an object to keep from her Sand Tray that I can look at/touch whenever I want. Yes, she does leave a backup resource available to me but, of couse, it's not the same. Unfortunately, due to very early (and serious) childhood attachment trauma, it doesn't take much to be triggered. I know she's trying to build my tolerance to people leaving, but because it's trauma based, it feels the same as it did when it happened. Ikm trying to divert thoughts, but that ain't the...Read More...

((TAS)) your T did mess up and you are entitled to your anger and panic. My T has pretty firm rules about outside contact. For me, they aren't about not needing him, the lack of contact between sessions helps me to a)ground myself in my real life with my family and b) hold my T as a good object. Earlier on in my journey when I had a lot of trouble with object constancy, the out of session contact helped. But it got to a point where I would contact him by email, phone or text and the short...Read More...

Hi RT. IFS is internal family systems, which is a relatively new-ish kind of therapy. It's been around for about 30 years. I like it in theory, but it's really shame inducing (for me). So whenever she goes down that road, I don't really like it because all the shame gets stirred up and then I leave feeling ashamed. It's basically based on the theory of the multiplicity of the mind...we all have various parts in us. When there's a trauma in our childhoods, some of our parts get stuck and...Read More...

Thanks for the hug, RTRead More...

i dont think i ever i will ever see another t again, from my previous experience overcoming what happened with him has honestly been the hardest thing i have ever been thru, iv had so many flashbacks and nightmares, i had developed two lifelong health conditions which i believe has been down to the stress of the experience, i think the only way for me to go now is the road that does not involve help off another T, Afterall im sure he wont have given me a second thought, he is just a person,...Read More...

Thanks so much for your thoughts ladies, this helps a lot! No updates of any sort today... I'm waiting on hearing back from a new T re: my insurance and a session this week but.... have not heard back so I'm already scared away. Sigh. *update they just called back!* ((GE)) I have major control issues, it's made therapy... fun. T1 will suggest, probe, put in to context, sometimes she is wrong, right or painfully right (depends on the day). T2 on the other hand will do the literal just...Read More...

so sorry for your loss ((TN)) and i hope your T will be a good help to you through this. puppetRead More...

((Jill)) Yea... it's just so hard to start things and risk and what if it doesn't work and etc etc. This is #1 why I stay in bad relationships too long and #2 why I am still single (and will probably be to the grave) right now!! Argh! ((HIC)) My T makes fun of me too... so I know what you mean by feeling the affection there. We didn't exactly start out very well Thanks for reminding me that... truly I sorta have to be myself in order to find a T I resonate with. Can't really put on a front...Read More...