Hi, incognito. I woke up thinking of what you said at the end of your most recent blog entry: "If there is progress it is that I can want to cancel and not act on it the way I used to." That really is progress! And I think that is how progress in therapy shows itself, in those tiny steps that we almost take for granted. It's good to notice those tiny things though, and if you can, mention this success to your T. Allowing yourself to celebrate a little, just by mentioning it, can really...Read More...

(((RT))) Have been a bit lost lately in my own life and therapy work, so I haven't felt I really knew what to say, but wanted to let you know I've been listening and sending good thoughts your way. I hope your session goes well and helps you get some clarity clarity on everything that is still stirred up.Read More...

Hi Jillann, Never alone in the ED world... there are (unfortunately) a lot of us out there. There are a lot of really supportive communities out there too. I've been part of the same one for 8yrs have made great pen pals and friends for life. I find most of us are pretty well natured creatures.. just hurting a lot. It sounds like you're communicating great with your T, being honest is... especially with purging the hardest thing. I think... (and again this is just me musing here) but that...Read More...

((R2G)) I'm glad it's worked for you having a behavioral therapist. I'm definitely open to it, and I also know that CBT or whatnot is not the only thing this T uses. I liked a lot when she told me that the way she practices is informed by the most recent research on the effects of trauma on the brain. So I like that she stays in touch with that stuff. And thanks for the support regarding my mom. I'm nervous about it and, to be honest, I wish I didn't have to do this (OK, I don't HAVE to do...Read More...

((Cat)) so glad i could say something to help. you need and deserve a relationship with someone who is able to give you what you need and keep the field clear of their own problems. Despite all the good things about your T it really seems like she can't see that she has hurt you. She reminds me a bit of my aunt who is a psychologist but parades around saying "i never hurt"; IMHO you can't be a member of the human race and never hurt someone. its a defence against shame and a blind spot that...Read More...

Yes not an easy task. I definitely k we the pattern of my T's carpet considering I wanted to dive under itRead More...

Turtle what a heartwarming uplifting post to read. I am glad you are coming to terms with the relationship and finding the help and support you need with your T. It's a tough road but my T assures me it's worth it. Great to have you back here with us. Hugs TNRead More...

(((PEANUT)))) I just made an assumption that you were living with your parents. I understand how difficult it is. My relationship with my Mom has been similar to yours with your Dad. It sounds like you had a lot of stress all at once. My Mom is not willing to be educated either and so, it's the same for me: I have to take certain steps in order to be more independent from her. I wish you luck with your visit. It sounds incredibly stressful.Read More...

Gulp!!!Read More...

chum, welcome to the forum. i was not around when you initially posted. i'm at a point myself where i'm not sure about quitting therapy all together. i do think people can become dependent on it, but at certain points you need to be. it's a good topic, of course, to bring up in t. again, welcome.Read More...

Thanks for the comments Liese and poppet. T3 is an older guy (so no physical attraction as I'm young) that does psychodynamic therapy, which is the same as all the rest. There's not much difference between him and T2 but for feeling more comfortable with him. I think I feel more comfortable with him because he reminds me less of T1 - it's like a whole new world instead of being constantly reminded that my 'real' therapist is gone. We've only had 4 sessions though so it's also like a new...Read More...

It sounds like a dam may have broken. In a good way.Read More...

((((HELD)))) They are breathtaking!!!! The first one is graceful and the second one is complex.Read More...

(((RT))) I know whatever I'm meant to have, if I remain open to it (which my T is teaching me how to do), it will be provided for me. The lady he introduced me to, who although much older gives me a big sister or maybe young aunt vibe more than a mom vibe at all, despite being my mom's age, said that she did all of her early therapy work with women, until she was finally ready to heal in being able to relate to men and learn to feel safe there. I wonder whether that might be a place I get to...Read More...

((((OUTSIDER)))) I love the way that was phrased, that outside contact was "part of the work". Some T's don't look at it that way but, really, we can only handle so much on our own. Hope you are feeling better.Read More...

Thanks for the hug RT. Today is better. I'm sorry you feel that way turtle and I can completely relate to that urge to quit. I would encourage you to wait and see if you still feel that way in a few days (good advice but I can't do it). yesterday after my session I left a voice mail asking my T to help me quit and I've already changed my mind. T called me back today and left me a message not even mentioning that and just telling me he wasn't angry or frustrated or tired of dealing with me...Read More...

I think calling and leaving a message WAS brave. You are taking risks and reaching out. I hope you get some of what you need.Read More...

((Iris)) It is worth the hassle unfortunately. And.... yes... I can have a heartfelt discussion with her but I'm not trusting her ability to handle it. I'm not sure on T2's boundaries with help outside of our work (with someone else) but I asked her today, and she does talk to T1 periodically. If it wasn't an option... I'd be frustrated, but continue to get support from T1 while I keep charging through. Your writing helped, and helped me think, thank you so much. ((RT)) I'm complicated at...Read More...

Thanks, cat! You made me smile. It's a huge step for me to feel the attachment but I am not totally sure I got it right. I still have plans to find another T who can guide me spiritually and therapeutically but it feels good to think I can do this without needing some sort of drama (anger, hate, fear) to leave her. The ending with my oT was so painful that it feels almost surreal to be at peace with this process. That doesn't mean without tears, but at least I don't feel like I am going to...Read More...

I'm glad to hear it went well!Read More...

Hi Tas, Sorry to jump in from out of nowhere - I've been around for a while but I don't post very often. I'm wondering if your reaction might be something to do with what they call disorganised attachment. Other people can describe this better than me, but basically, if we grow up with caregivers who hurt us, we end up with some very mixed reactions to closeness. When we want to be close to someone we also want to push away from them at the same time. Little kids with disorganised attachment...Read More...

thank you sweet morgs! you always send your support and hugs on the coundown thread so nothing was missed! ok, i will try greeneyes, thank you! and you're right! and i'm exhausted... i'll let you know how it goes after, but i might not post before my session as i like to stew in my own 'juices' before an important session... we'll see, i might come here to say i am running away and hiding puppetRead More...

There is no way he should be a therapist. This guy is nuts and very manipulative.Read More...

Thank you, RT and DR. I know for sure that my T isn't wanting me to move on or indeed asking me to find support to replace her. I did a hard, but sensible, thing and actually asked her! Although it was really difficult to hear that she wants to be with me and support me (because it makes me feel very uncomfortable while also knowing that its what I want more than anything), it has helped. I think I'd made up a whole set of ruiles in my head to protect myself that simply aren't necessary. I...Read More...