Hi LongRoad! Thanks so much for sharing your story! When I was growing up, I was never allowed to ask why. Recently, I realized I always wonder why and maybe it was okay to ask. Now I sound like a toddler always asking people, "Why?" I rarely say excuse me, too, or if I have to, I apologize profusely for even having to ask. Thanks again! PFRead More...

Hi, Thanks for reposting. That was a really great article. I, for one, am so glad you feel so validated here. Thanks for sharing.Read More...

Thank you for all your answers. Exploring: Thank you for your answer and the suggestion of the song, it does resonate with me, and I am sorry you understand it so much as well. I am trying to keep busy, to deal with one thing at a time, being on holidays does not help much, too much time to stay with only my thoughts, and they are not a very good company. But I am a bit better. Jones: My therapist had mentioned the idea of suffering, and... yes, I am quite good at it. Thank you for your...Read More...

(((KMAY))) So good to see you. It sounds like what she did all along: give you awfully confusing messages. On the one hand, the blanket and all the pics sound so lovely but I remember how broken hearted you were when it all ended and how she reacted then. My guess is she has a lot of unresolved approval needs? What do you think?Read More...

Isn't it though? *sigh* PS: Thank you for your blog updates.Read More...

((((SOMEBODY)))) I'm sorry to hear about your problems with school and with your therapist leaving. When I was in college, I went to university counseling center several times for therapy. I didn't know at first that our relationship would end at the end of the year. It happened twice to me and I found it difficult to deal with. It HAS to be hard getting attached to someone and then having to start over. Do you think you will have more stability moving to another clinic? If going to your...Read More...

Hi Cogs, Thanks for asking. It's going well. She's great. Talk about feeling emotionally safe. What a big difference. She has been away working although we skype even when she's home so it doesn't feel like she's away. Her emails are lovely and never trigger me the way my Old therapist's emails did. Just from the reading I have done, I feel confident that she is on top of her game. She is really smart. She gets supervision if something bothers her. She's confident that she is competent but I...Read More...

Thank you (((SB))) and (((Caroola))) it helps having it reaffirmed and it haloes a lot to have it be 'ok' I can keep sharing and posting how I feel. I'm pushing down a lot of fear at the moment, pretending it isn't there - the plane being shot down over Ukraine has not helped with my huge fear of something happening to my T. If there is a car accident in my city and someone is killed I always think / fear what if it's her involved. With her going to the other side of the world, it feels like...Read More...

Hi Affinity - It sounds like these are hard times in your therapeutic work, and that you have a myriad of emotions that are ricocheting through your body. I am wondering, though, what you think your T meant when he said it would be "cruel" to incorporate touch into your therapy. I have had major problems with touch since I was a little girl, and I've been through lots of iterations in approaching the issue with a handful of therapists. With current T, whom I have been seeing since November,...Read More...

Thanks Caroola and Draggers I wont reply. It is more empowering not to as you say. It's kind that she left the door open. I'd be uncomfortable with a more personal reply, as it was relayed via a 3rd party!!! I'd feel kind of exposed. Her message was sent via someone at the main office. NHS - you'd not even get that! I'm not looking for a T at the moment. I might contact my ex-T again sometime, who knows.Read More...

Thank y'all for the encouragement. I am sorry y'all understand all to well. He did apologize. He did explain it and I understood. It could of happened to anyone but at the same time it could not have come at a worse time. I am angry and frustrated with myself as well for not talking about what I needed to. I let my emotions get the best of me and shut down. Now I have to try and deal with it till our next meeting. Surely I won't be as mad and upset then. Hopefully!Read More...

Hi Everyone, I want to thank you all for your input. Your willingness to share your experiences and opinions with me is a wonderful asset and helps me to more forward in my therapy. After two years my T and I are starting to look more closely at the root causes of my CPTSD and just what is was like for me growing up with an alcoholic, emotionally abusive father. I think for the next few sessions I'm going to focus more on her statements to better access the level of support I feel I'm...Read More...

PF, It is SO difficult when you are in your 30's and it seems that everyone around you has that already established group of girlfriends. I haven't moved recently like you, but I do feel like I have. When I started therapy and learning the meaning of healthy relationships, I started realizing that the friendships I did have around me were not so. I ended a few relationships, I let a few grow in distance, and I have tried to place others in a different category(maybe acceptance that our...Read More...

My rule of thumb is... If I have a lot of reservations or have to ask if I should bring it up... I should bring it up! Even if only to try to explore why it stuck with me. I think it's great to be sensitive to others and I think it's okay to mention and even to ask (because you can't know unless you do) how T felt. It's also good to explore the whole... Why am I apologizing thing. I feel shame or fear when I think I have said something wrong to someone I trust or love or is in authority due...Read More...

Thanks Catalyst & Keins for checking in on me. It's been difficult to accept this loss. For a while I couldn't give up on the possibility that she'd come back. I think holding out for that didn't allow me to grieve, or it didn't set me free into the grieving process. This past week I found some acceptance. This has moved me forward in allowing the loss to fully sink in and be processed. I think I was in a great amount of shock for a very long time. I do ask myself "how is this possible?"...Read More...

thank you everyone for the replies… (((LR))) thank you for the acknowledgment of my courage and for bringing it up. Its been on my mind for months.. it was the right time i suppose. definitely had to have a few sips of brave before i said it out loud though … (((RM))) I'm sorry to had about your Dad. Feel free to share some more if you want too - no problem if you don't. (((SB))) in a funny kind of way though - i really do think i WOULD be dealing with my past losses by talking this through...Read More...

I've had a discussion with her about my concerns in therapy. She's adjusted her borderlines a bit, as she meant that she's available to meet each other in her room. Regarding "meeting outside", she's doubtful, because tried it some years ago with a female client, but didn't go so well; and up to her, it was even boring, since both my T and that woman had kids with them. In fact, she told me that she would be happier to hang out with me, because I'm a guy. It might appear impolite of her, but...Read More...

Hi EJ, Thank you for sharing that with me. I haven't at this point considered going to an Al-Anon meeting but thank you for suggesting it. It's good to know it's there as a possible form of support. Have a great day. LongRoadRead More...

Thanks Affinity.... I felt really (!!!!!!) Awkward and weirded out emailing her at first - mainly when id get a reply. It simply felt TOO INTIMATE. Like she was in my house. Felt dangerously close. Now, most of the time I can open her email but sometimes if I'm feeling particularly vulnerable I cant open it for hours and hours. Most of the time I will skim it first - if it feels too intense I will wait til I can read it properly. my T doesn't do ph calls - but I couldn't cope with that for...Read More...

Hi Affinity, My T doesn't talk much about inner kid stuff, but he talks about childlike qualities that are in all of us. His big one is about being vulnerable. He has shown his vulnerability a few times. We've had several sessions where both had the giggles and couldn't stop laughing for several minutes. He would have to turn his chair away or I would have to look at the floor to stop. I'm glad to see my T being vulnerable and less stoic. It can be unsettling because it puts a big magnifying...Read More...

Hi CassEve, For me it's been writing. I kept a personal journal for a number of years. I found writing to be very effective both in providing a safe outlet for my feelings and because I could do that, writing it out often provided me with insight into my behavior and an ability to see overarching themes. It also served as a transitional object to remind me of my sense of connection or good feelings about my therapist when I could not "feel" them. I can be pretty left brained, so it's a way...Read More...

Crying hurts. I feel awful and my head hurts. But, it will pass - hope soon. thanks allRead More...

(((Ms.C))) I think many of us are totally unprepared for the experience of counselling and the waking up inside of attachment issues - and the total shock of how painful that can be. Write as much as you need to Ms. C. It helps to make those connections to share your experiences with others who really do 'know' how it is, and it helps those who read and are currently struggling in some rift tide or other of their own therapy experience. Take gentle care sbRead More...

Hi ElizaJ Sorry you had to delete. Hope you are ok. SDRead More...

Thanks everyone. Hang in there, all of you!Read More...