Diva: Thanks for sharing your story and your support! It really ebbs and flows. I definitely have moments where I feel so alone and need my T a great deal and others where I feel very strong and know I will survive until my next session. (I like the latter better! I am glad that you felt more empowered and stronger after your break! BLT: Thanks so much for the recommendation and I will check them out!Read More...

(((TAS))) One of the hallmarks of a secure attachment is reaching out for help appropriately when needed. It doesn't sound like you are learning that. I really like what Erica wrote up above. Why not tell him that some of us have felt that out of session contact to our T's helped us to feel more secure and independent? What about setting up something structured so that you don't have to wait for his return call? Three or four days after your session, have a check-in call scheduled? Or even...Read More...

Thank you for responding, Bee! New T knew about old T from the first session. I just never said that I missed her. They are just different types of therapists, which is cool. I've learned so much already from both of them! Since I'm going into this field, I thought it would be great to see different techniques and relationships. About contact with former T... I usually run into her once a month or so when I take one of my kids into see his/her therapist. Former T also told me what restaurant...Read More...

Yep, and "Mother Knows Best" is the classic theme song for that kind of relationship. So much so that I actually had a mild anxiety attack when I first watched it, lol. Now it strikes me as more amusing(not to mention it's a catchy song) the more so as the witch actually looks more than a bit like my mom. What part of the movie did you show your T?Read More...

Hey Tas, thats moving. I started to poetry/prose thread after the ones you wrote the other day. I thought it would be good to have one place for everyone. Please keep writing.Read More...

Hi Jen, I agree with searching in that you need a safe forum to express your homocidal rage and being able to talk about such intense feelings will mean you are much less likely to act on them. Usually underneath rage is a truckload of hurt, which might help you in your thinking and understanding about what's going on for you xxRead More...

LieseRead More...

((((TAS)))) - When I broke up with T....I was in a terrible state revolving back and forth from a childlike state to my rational adult state. Every time I felt the awful overwhelming urge to pick up the phone and beg T to forget the break-up and let things go back to normal, I walked into the bathroom instead. I stood in front of the mirror and said over an over again "She cannot fix the child, she cannot re-parent you. She cannot fix the child, only you can do that. Not her. She cannot save...Read More...

Tas what an extraordinary and moving story. I think TN is right - going back to the place where you endured hell on earth is an attempt to organise and make sense of trauma. There was a point when I was 23 or 24 and I was watching a movie and there was a line about how you reach a point in life where the home you grew up in isn't your home anymore. That really resonated with me. A few years later and shortly after I'd started woking on my own healing, my dad died suddenly at home in my...Read More...

Thanks Liese it was a great article and really reinforced some of the thing my T was saying to me this morning xxRead More...

Do we have a thingy for those that like to write poetry and could just post randomly?Read More...

TN. (((hugs))) Thanks, I actually feel pretty great about myself right now, or more about the circumstances, because I took control (not like seized it away from someone, but instead of drowning in the chaos and H's triggered "freeze" state on the planning), I just stepped in and made decisions that affect more than me without feeling like whatever I did would be "wrong" or "bad" if I didn't get total approval from everyone involved first. It's actually a really huge thing for me. I've...Read More...

Hey TAS... I think you realized just how important "your" therapist is to you. He IS your therapist you know. Even if you refuse to admit it. If you didn't care about him and care about the relationship you would not bother to apologize and ask for his forgiveness. And you wouldn't feel so relieved that he said he would forgive you and that he would continue to see you. Sometimes we have to almost scare ourselves into realizing the depth of our feelings for our Ts. I clearly remember one...Read More...

Hopeful, Green Eyes, Cat, AG, Thanks Friends I know realisiticly T is not upset with me for missing session. She could tell how sick I was in my voice. I am in one of those places where I feel like anyone who I view in a positive light will be toxified by me and therefore should not be in my presence in order to not get contaminated by me - That AG, is Exactly how I feel....or have felt in the past. If I have to ask for it, then its completely meaningless. So I don't ask. My mind tells me if...Read More...

Smiley: Thanks so much for taking the time to respond! I already do feel less alone. BLT: Here is a hug back! And thank you! AG: Thanks so much for your reply. Your words of wisdom (as always) of "having been there and done that" are so helpful and do make me feel better. I do realize that I have to forge new relationships but it sounds so overwhelming to "start from scratch". Hearing your comment about it made me feel like it is still possible. I suppose it is hard to be optimistic about...Read More...

I'm so glad you went back, BLT. And it's wonderful that you were able to largely repair some of the damage. I've recently been reminded that my T is human, too...sometimes it can feel like a cold bucket of water to the face, huh?Read More...

Hi Catalyst, Sounds like you did some very important work with your T. I found when I started expressing anger and rage at my T (when he had and hadn't done anything wrong in my opinion), I was terrified that it would either destroy him, make him hate me or destroy the relationship. So many of us grow up with anger being an incredibly dangerous and destructive emotion because parents don't always handle it well. It sounds like your T managed the situation really well and that your...Read More...

Hi Liese... I have to come back later... but wanted to just say now that was a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it. More comments to follow. TNRead More...

aww thanks LieseRead More...

Jones, Nice to meet you! I have to tell you, your reply struck a chord within me. I will definitely be thinking about what you said. Thank you. T.Read More...

Thanks, AG, BLT, Erica & Liese. I know this is hard work and it takes time and I'm actually making progress with this T, but I don't KNOW it. When in the trenches, it's so easy to lose sight of all of that. So the encouragement I find from everyone is golden.Read More...

AG, Thank you. I have good and bad days. Yesterday was awful. Today is a better day. Thank you for your support.Read More...

TAS, mine says "So what's going on?" which makes me feel like I'm being accused of something! I just try to think of my own opening thing to say even before I get to his office and kind of ignore his.Read More...

Well done TNRead More...

Thank you Kashely, Blu, BLT & Cat, I do need to be reminded that just b/c she didn't have any ill intentions doesn't mean that I don't have a right to talk and heal from the damage that was done. New T says she held all the power in the relationship and it was her job, no matter what, to keep me safe by keeping the boundaries in place. Sometimes I tell myself that b/c she did succesfully help me through many things that I do not have the right to be angry or hurt that she damaged me in...Read More...