Hi Jside, I missed this somehow. Are you in the U.S.? I go to a group where everything now is stored on the laptop and I know for a fact that my ENT, for example, can see my notes made by the family doctor. Last time I saw my ENT, he said, after looking at my notes, "I'd be crazy too if I had all those kids." I don't know if there is a way to prevent that from happeneing because they are all in the same group but you might want to consider talking to a lawyer about your HMO releasing ...Read More...

Big s to you all - you're a really good bunch of people!Read More...

Yes, this thread does not seem to be turning around as I had hoped it would. The thread is locked for the following reasons: 1: Posts within the thread no longer support the mission of psych cafe. 2: Posts within the thread are not in the spirit of support and healing. CTLRead More...

Hi Someone, Sorry to hear you are still unsure what is happening.Sounds like your T is feeling a bit guilty about her change of mind and concerned about how she has affected you. I hope my situation will not end up the same, but I don't think so. LL. Yes it was a bit of a shock. She is very early in the pregnancy and actually was not yet pregnant when I asked. In fact she has not told anyone else yet, even her work collegues and boss. She just said she had to tell me, as she knew it would...Read More...

LL, Thank you. I keep going back and forth about weather or not I want to find a new T. I guess time will tell. Maybe I just need to grieve a little longer and then I can think more clearly about it. Puppet, Thank you. That is a good idea in fact about pacing myself. Maybe I will give that a try. Maybe I can find one in my insurance and then just at least set the appointment. I can always cancel it I need to. Just take it slowly I guess. BLT, You are so right. I feel exactly as you said -...Read More...

Thinking of you dear ((((((Poppet)))))Read More...

Athenacus thanks for telling us how your sessions with new T went. Must have been a bit of a let down being told she would do a technique with you to help with panic and anxiety, only to find it’s the old tried and trusted breathing technique. Sounds like you were feeling quite disappointed with her in the second session? As you say it’s very early days isn’t it, so there’s no rush to jump into anything heavy or deep at this point, not until you get a sense of how she’s going to be. Also I...Read More...

Same here. Thanks for the hugs, DF.Read More...

(((((COGS)))) It's taken me a long time to be able to be more assertive with my own therapist so I completely understand why they would be hard to do. My therapist is also much less directive than yours sounds and doesn't insist that I talk about anything. That being said, I am wondering why you can't do either of those things with your therapist? Maybe it's not all transference and your therapist is taking too much control of the sessions? It's hard to get a feel for what is going on but...Read More...

Diva, Your post really resonates with me...very inspiring and honest. That you started to feel dependent on her again and you are able to be more on your own again as difficult as that is. I have felt this many times and it seems each time I personally "sort of" repeat the pattern it seems to get a little easier. This is what is supposed to happen...atleast it seems that way to me for those who are able to allow attachment...of course providing their T's are not abusive. I hope for you and...Read More...

Thank you BLT and kmay!Read More...

What's in a name. That's great news that the transference feelings aren't hurting so much now, and well done for getting through your last session. It will get easier and easier for you, although I think we'll both have to secretly love our T's for the rest of our lives I know that I'll love my T simply because of the help and the hope she's given me.Read More...

I told T that I can't do this anymore. She said Do what? I said Therapy. Remember stuff. Write it down. Sit with it. Try to feel normal. Try to change the way I think. It seems I was better off before I started talking about it all. And I am just confused. She said Ok. You don't have to.....that was it. That was all she said. Ouch! Sounds like she is happy to get rid of me. I don't really know what I expected her to say, but I didn't expect that. Funny, I feel a weird sense of relief even...Read More...

thanks guys. i don't quite know what to feel about all this. i know it was just showing my T some pictures i drew.but for me this is huge.in so many years of T i have never ever been even this open with a T. i go back and forth from feeling nothing at all to being terified to feeling it was ok. i don't know what to expect.i think i am dead inside .i showed her this stuff and felt nothing but terror and numbness. people talk about some connection at times like these but i felt nothing between...Read More...

In the begining i always talked about stuff that happened during my week, i would tell my T stories, until she would stop me and ask me the dreded question " how do u feel right now" i hate that question. Lol how do i feel? I dont , i feel nothing. But the stories helped me get comfortable just talking.Read More...

Definatly the right stuff to talk about, its how u feel, start with those thoughts and ur T will guid u through the rest. Ur not alone.Read More...

D'oh! The health center at my school cancelled my new T appointment. They accidentally scheduled me with someone I might have T classes with (a fellow grad student/intern) instead of a regular senior staff member. I won't get to meet with a new T until next week. I e-mailed the T that was the guest speaker in my class the other day to let her know that I enjoyed her book and getting to meet her. I also let thanked her for the wonderful hug she gave me.Read More...

LOL Beebs, you crack me up sometimes. Well I think I get what you mean with it being ok that YOU know this about how you feel, but it's not for his ears. I could be taking you too seriously here, but I immediately thought of this situation where you tell someone how positive they make you feel and how grateful you are to them for all sorts of things and then whammo suddenly they pull the rug - murphy's law type of scenario - the moment you let them know you appreciate them is the moment they...Read More...

Very sweet, Granite.Read More...

Granite - This was the very reason that I told T that I needed twice a week. We had started getting into some pretty traumatic stuff and I shared with her that after session, it is so incredibly hard for me b/c I have to just sit with the emotions by myself and sometimes I swear, it feels like it will kill me. We did go to two sessions a week but she also allows contact whenever I need it b/c of what I shared with her. I think you need to tell T how you feel about that - while she may not...Read More...

Thanks for checking, Draggers! I've been in tears on and off mainly because for one of my classes I'm required to read about CSA, SA, other childhood abuse, and domestic violence/abuse. It's very triggering. I suppose it doesn't help that I have PMS, nightmares, some minor panic attacks and don't have another T just yet. I'm calling tomorrow to find a new T. On a good note...I'm probably jinxing this...my ex husband hasn't been too bad lately. Usually he harasses me by e-mail, phone or in...Read More...

(((Granite))) - Thank you. T says I am courageous too. I don't feel that way...AT ALL. But thank you (((Frog))) & (((LL))) & (((B2W))) - thank you so much for the support.Read More...

Granite, I'm really proud of you! You were so brave to go. That was an excellent session too. Thanks for sharing. Your T seems like she was there for you a lot more this time and was so caring. ~D.Read More...

((((Garanite1)))), sorry to hear you`re so angry and confused about all this. Fwiw I think it will be a good idea to go see your T and talk this through with her - at least one more time. You said yourself you know it`s the right thing to do, so stick to that. You will figure out what to do. Quitting in this "state" sounds more harmful than helpful, to me anyway. Your T holding on to you and not letting you go that easaly tells me she cares about you and won`t give up on you, like you...Read More...

Ang - I can relate to that. Especially the ones that I didn't tell a single soul until I told T. And for me, its b/c I can't remember the entire trauma. Only pieces. So it makes me feel like it's not real, or like I made it up b/c I can't understand why only small peices of it pop in my head at a time. T says b/c it was stuffed so deep inside of me for so long, that it can feel like it's not real when it finally comes out. Or b/c I dissociated when it happened so I can't remember all of it.Read More...