Catalyst/ Liese - Thank you. What may seem like simple comments to you truly did motivate me. I got in on Friday morning. Got through the session and departed without the breakdown I had the prior week. We didn't talk much about the breakdown. I asked T alot of questions about some things that have come up recently (regarding my "Why is this happening" post). We talked about my P's plans to change my meds. I was honest with her about how absolutley shitty I feel lately and my thoughts of...Read More...

(((Liese))) Thanks for sharing your session. I'm glad your T is coming through for you and you're more able to stay with and express your feelings to him. That's AMAZING work you're doing.Read More...

(((starifishy))) Thanks for the hugs. (((Bfly))) Thanks, sweetie. I hope he's better soon. Cutting short today and Wednesday felt ok, because I am too busy to fall apart, but losing Monday might be destabilizing. Aww, Monte, you expressed just how I feel. (((Hugs))) I know it must be so hard not being able to take care of your lovely T right now. Liese, yeah, seriously. There are no other ultra caregivers in my family. How lovely would it be to have someone do that to me...you know, if I...Read More...

((((MOTIVATED))) I'm so glad your T didn't give up on you either. I've often felt the same way you do about therapy. It's an incredibly difficult process with so many potential minefields and pitfalls. I think I'm on the other side of the worst of it and can truly say that it was worth it. There's no denying it was brutal at times. There was a year there when I wasn't functioning at all. I cried A LOT by myself. But I feel more at peace now than I ever have before in my life. And, don't be...Read More...

Motivated, Coping in all the wrong ways of course Im working on it....Read More...

Blanket Girl & Anonymously, Sorry for the late response but just wanted to say thank you. I really appreciate your input and supportRead More...

Thanks FriendsRead More...

((Brokes)) Hope your session went okay. Update us when you can! I don't remember if my Ts have used the exact term 'pushing away' but they do say I don't allow things in or out which I think is the same. I'm triggered the second anyone tries to connect with me (or was, anyway - getting better). I find it interesting how all attachment styles seem to "push away" in some manner. I didn't feel the love, clingy stuff, desire for connection, etc to my T at first (for a long time) it took a lot of...Read More...

I didn't know it was going to be this hardRead More...

Nothing to add or offer but hugs to you (((CAT))) I do agree that it may be an opportunity to re-experience an old situation with a new, repairative outcome, as shitty as that may be to work through. It sucks living in black and white. I hear that blending the two adds nice variety into life, but I'm still not sure how that works...!Read More...

I am planning on delving deep into this in my next session. I think it's time. I talk about it but I do skirt around a big issue; the issue that I feel like my heart has been broken and that I am completely and hopelessly still hung up on oldT. I need to talk it out with T. I know. It's very difficult when I haven't admitted my attraction feelings towards oldT to newT. That holds me back. I think it holds me back the most because I don't want to admit that it was even true. OldT definitely...Read More...

Thank you for all your responses. Therapy has been good but so intense. He and I talked through what happened and he tried to reassure me. He showed me how he could be firm and raise his voice without anger and still be there. It helped but it is still terrifying. But it allowed me to go into a deep memory that still affects me.i know there is a long way to go. Thank you for your answers, any shared experiences would be appreciated. AngelaRead More...

((B2W))I'm sorry you've had that experience. What you said about having a right to feelings resonated with me. It's something I'm only just starting to learn after watching my mother express all sorts of feelings in glorious technicolour and being terrified of them. I also believed everyone who thought I couldn't possibly have any feelings about this woman who didn't really bring me up. But I do. I have too many feelings! Thanks for your optimism, Liese. I think it's going to take a while...Read More...

Hi Monte...thanks for the update. You have managed to accomplish something that has been difficult for me... that is sitting near your T and being able to have him touch your arm or shoulder while you are talking (doing therapy). My T shakes hands and will pat my shoulder when I'm LEAVING but I need/would like some contact during the session. I think managing this would be really helpful in allowing me to be less fearful of T. Right now I have a hard time tolerating his closeness even when I...Read More...

((((COGS)))) So great to hear about what's been going on for you. It was great to hear that things are feeling a little better with your T. It's so hard when all those negative feelings, though, just won't go away. I struggle with that too and it's tough. Maybe someday? It sounds like you've made amazing progress!Read More...

I have shifted a bit in how I manage my friendships - I have different friends for different things (no relationship can satisfy every need or be the same). I've always had friends (not very many close ones) and many acquaintances because I enjoy group activities. I'm still not a big emoter, I've told my closest friends more and been vulnerable there but I still keep things to myself because that's just me - I will reach out when I need help now but my personality is the same. I'm not big on...Read More...

thank you both! Yes, I made myself vulnerable as did T.Read More...

Aww, Draggers, thanks so much for the encouragement that I am not a major fail and all the hugs. Yeah, getting help here is similar, you have to fight, and the great majority of stuff will be declined, and you can be in appeals for a year or two and still end up declined. So, my biggest fear is T will have done all this work for nothing, but it is important to my H that I try my best to apply, because it has become obviously to everyone that I can't hold down a regular job right now. Even...Read More...

I'm sad as well tonight....taken a bit of a break from the boards, just trying to live life as they say. I took a break from therapy too, but decided to go back recently. All the feelings of failing, not being able to do it, well, I have accepted that right now, it helps. Simple as that. I am so sad about partiular situations in my life right now and so used to running away from pain, sadness, and heartache. Tonight, the last few weeks, I find myself wanting still to run by reverting back to...Read More...

Hi Ninna, Thanks for checking in. I have been doing okay. I had been struggling with really opening up and feeling in session. I had also been having a hard time just feeling while I was alone, too. So, I tried making a time for myself to sit with my feelings and feel them. That's been working for me. I sit by myself, give myself permission to feel things, and also coach my inner child that it's okay to open up. Feeling in session was a whole other challenge for me. I couldn't feel. I...Read More...

Hi Lucy_G, Welcome! I just wanted to put in my thoughts...along the lines of what others are saying. Personally it has taken me a long time to get comfortable with this but I do it a lot...today it worked out well. What I'm saying is there's nothing wrong with changing your mind. If in your next appt. you have found that you really need the once-a-week appt. then just tell her...my lesson in it has been asking for what I need as I have never been one to ask for help. Anyways, I just wanted...Read More...

Hi all again Thanks for yur replies, Had a bit of a set back (see other post- 'Ouch') basically out of the blue my T has suggessted i see her once every 2weeks, instead of weekly!!! That really hurt! and as I was just beginning to 'trust' and starting to think about allowing myself to be dependant, sure glad i didnt totally go with this, although I am already quite attached to her BLT- Yeh I can imagine being referred to another T is quite stressful, I have been throught this too, my...Read More...

Thanks Blanket Girl, yes I know what you mean...and I do know all that...Just that I struggle so hard with the dilema...My T is good and I trust her, so why am I afraid to show my feelings... Is it the same trust and not to fear? I mean...If you trust somebody completly than you are not afraid?Read More...

Dear LK, hugs for you I understand the bad feeling of being terminated by a T that you trust and love. My termination happened in December last year. It was a littlebit different because it was me who couldn´t do it anymore. In September I felt that my T became absent and I started to feel terrible, didn´t know why. I could not eat, slept 2-3 hours a night and felt terrible all the time. I tried to talk about it to T, but she didn´t understand me. In December I was so exhausted I terminated...Read More...

I think you are right to bring it up to your T. In any profession, we have the capacity to allow our personal lives impact our work lives. I would expect my employers (which is what you are to your therapist, they work for you) to point out to me if my performance at work were suffering due to personal stuff. In fact, they have. So you are doing the right thing by providing valuable feedback to your T. She might not even be aware that personal life is spilling into your therapy.Read More...