Wow, this really resonated with me, Cat. For the longest time I've felt like it was only OK to go to therapy if I somehow deserved it by suffering worse than other people (therefore I was cheating somehow by going). I've also felt like I could only call my T if I were having a horrible crisis, even though she never told me that. Yet, at the same time I felt like I always had to be handling the crisis WELL, and I couldn't seem too pessimistic. Just two weeks ago I had a moment of clarity in...Read More...

((((SCARS)))) I have trouble with the validation stuff also. I know I was invalidated as a child and I know that's why I have trouble in that area. My T didn't validate me at first but I think he realized I needed it and he worked very hard to validate ALL of my feelings, even the negative ones against him. I can't tell you how good that felt. No one has ever validated my feelings like that for me before. I used to think my feelings were "crazy" but with his help, I am starting to feel...Read More...

Try try and try again. Unable to commit to the time required yada yada yada. Nice lady otherwise. Seems like she has been a good therapist for those in the past. It is diffrent feeling how terrible it feels talking about my experiences.Read More...

(((((HIC))))) I love that you sent the email and I love the way your T responded. You two are building a very nice relationship by the sounds of it!!!! xxxxRead More...

Draggers!Read More...

I see her Thursday. Keep thinking do I really want to do this to myself again. At some point they get frustrated once I open up. Bad enough I scare them away when the real hurt is expressed. Get told terms i never heard of but sound like trust m. Anger them. Told I am a minefield. Told they can fix me"paraphrasing" because they are superior therapist. Told I am at fault for therapy failing because i would not let her help me.. That 6 weeks is what is alloted to med management. I am asking...Read More...

Hi again XOXO, For me the impulse was quite disturbing because I am finding out I am quite closed off in this arena (the giving affection arena!) It felt quite taboo for me. It is nice for me to hear your story. Your thoughts about your T sound very sweet. One other thing my T said to me about this is that given that this is likely arising out of a childhood need for love and attachment, going to sit on an adult's lap is what a child will reflexively do. It made total sense to me when he...Read More...

Hope that your week is continuing in the direction of more good days! It's always nice when one of those comes along!Read More...

Attachment-hmmmm...I feel like I have had this powerful connection with my T since the very beginning. I was in crisis mode when I first met her, so I was desperate for help and was able to tell her just about anything. Over the years we've had some issues in our relationship and I did my usual shut down and retreat into myself thing. At times I feel incredibly connected to her. I get a mind buzz when I'm talking with her on occasion. Sometimes it's like psychic moments. I asked her in a...Read More...

Regarding the bits of cake in your kitchen, throw the leftovers in the trash. I learned in Weight Watchers not to bring the enemy home ( or let it stay overnight in the kitchen.) Get rid of your crazy making foods. I do not even buy cookies, or sweets, or other refined sugary foods. They are like crack cocaine to me. [QUOTE]Originally posted by Starrynights: (Obvious ED triggers) So portions of all of these were dropped off yesterday for judging, and now the remnants are all over my kitchen...Read More...

Update- Hi All, Thank you for caring and asking me how it went! While I was waiting for T to come out of her previous session, I was looking at my notes and feeling anxious, yet good. T walked her client to the front desk and gave her a hug! I had never seen T give a hug to another client in the waiting room before. I admit I was jealous and secretly wanted that to be me! Anyway, I had a great session. It was tough at times. We didn't even get to talking about terminating. I felt sooo close...Read More...

WOW! LK I know how you feel, exactly. I could have written you post myself. I have been told by my T that I should switch to a DBT shrink and she doesn't feel I need to be working with her, that I am not making progress with her. She also mentioned my transference toward her, I am now wondering if this makes her uncomfortable. This situation had me in such emotional turmoil that last week I felt like drinking and smoking again, and I haven't done this in years. That was all I needed, my T...Read More...

Thank you B2W and Starry! In my heart I know I did the right thing. My head jumps to conclusions and I tend to panic...sigh...I'm working on it. I see T today and I'm looking forward to it!Read More...

I agree with everything already said! Plus, we know that some things just don't "process" very well. I remember hearing that my beloved Grampa died, and I just felt shell-shocked. I credit him with saving my life, and yet my reaction certainly wasn't indicative of that. (and I was 30!) I'm sure T won't think you've lied to her! You would be wise to share your concerns with her, actually. Be gentle with yourself, granite. You were so young, and your coping skills were so limited still! Hugs...Read More...

It sounds like you've reached a really good place in your life right now where Therapy is just a tool that you call on as needed. It sounds like it is working pretty well seeing T every three weeks, kind of like a routine check-in that you can always count on. I have no doubt that T would get you in sooner if you needed. I look forward to reaching that place in my therapy where I have grown strong enough to weather the daily chaos of life without needing T to pick the pieces back up - you've...Read More...

You are not awful, on the contrary you are a kind and good person, the service you provide on this site and your helpful posts are proof.Read More...

granite, you did what you needed to do in order to survive your circumstances. and when you think about it, for a little kid it's pretty fricking SMART!!! like BLT said, i can relate to alot of what you wrote, although i did not suffer the abuse you did. i had an imaginary Chinaman friend that would kick anybody's ass should they approach me at night. and the usual little kid imaginary stuff. i think what you wrote is beautiful and i don't think it would be a bad idea to print it out and...Read More...

OH. MY. GOD. ((((( TN ))))) and everybody else that has gone through something like this ... i can't begin to imagine the level of hurt, betrayal, abandonment. i am SOOO sorry and wish i could give you all a huge, non-cyber hug. TN i hope your day is going as well as it can. thanks for sharing your painful story, and i hope sharing it here helped you heal a little bit more. do take care of your sweet selves, all of youRead More...

((TN)) It was really lovely to read how sweet your T is with you - I know that's hard to accept - but he really does sound good to you and for you. A good match... I'm glad it's getting easier to tell your T when he's not doing stuff right or the way you need that IS a great thing to be able to do. I've been hot/cold on telling my Ts (and P) what they do that doesn't work. I have learned they are very humble and genuine and it's their "humanity" that I remember/hold on to when they mess up,...Read More...

As for the appointment card I would ask again for a card and if he questions your request you can say this will help you to not forget your appointment.Read More...

Hi BG ... not late at all. Thanks for your comments. You are right... sorting out the trust thing is really important or I cannot accomplish anything else. Today I told T ... I have so much to talk to you about and I'm not doing that. He said how can you talk to me about anything when you don't trust me? He's right. I'm glad you see him as being patient and loving. It's hard for me to see because my fear, anger and anxiety are blocking anything positive these days. thank you for mentioning...Read More...

I'm so glad you talked to your T, someone and that she said yes and that you could give her your gifts I remember the first time I felt safe enough to get my scary T a gift it was a really good moment. I'm glad she gave you a transitional object sound like it was so good!! You're helping me not feel alone right now because I want to give my T something but... I gave her something so recently and really have no reason to give her this other thing so I feel like I can't. But your story is...Read More...

The session was difficult. I finally opened up about a core issue. I almost felt like Will in the "Good Will Hunting" scene-"It's not your fault". T used different words, but repeated them over and over while we held each other's gaze through my tears. Very powerful. She took some extra to get me back to talking about other things before I left. On the way home I started crying and haven't really stopped since (on and off). Bits and pieces are coming to me and I'm putting things together in...Read More...

Granite. You know what? i reckon you gave your T a lifetime supply of birthday and christmas presents by showing her your journal and talking up more. It was probably a moment in her career that she will cherish. Just keep writing to us, journaling and practising. It really does get easier. I can say this because i KNOW it from experience. Even now I write stuff to my T in emails and it is really hard stuff for me and I look back at it and think - wow I have come a long way in a year. The...Read More...