So glad to hear you go tot see both T's and things are settling down for you. I truly hope this means you can go on your vacation in a better, more secure frame of mind and that your T offered some contact while you are gone. Please update us when you can. TNRead More...

Hello Butterfly Nice to see you From what you say, your t sounds a lot like mine. She has very strict boundaries - no out of session contact at all and she has two weeks off christmas, easter and a month in August. She also has a small room. I know a lot of people here have ts with different set up to this but I got the impression a lot are this strict as well so I don't think it's unusual. Mine also made it very clear after our one initial meeting, that I couldn't just not turn up after...Read More...

Liese...yup, I felt it! Thank you Starry-fish and Flagondry, I mean Dragonfly! It means the world to me that you "get it." Love you, BeebsRead More...

This thread is closed. AG, ModeratorRead More...

thanks. i do not regret therapy and my pain amongst all this. ITS ALL GOOD. get to know yourself, and having therapy advice is still important, and a beautiful intimate wise space to be in too xxRead More...

Thanks Morgs and HI! I'll def check in as much as I can BG- I think itll be a record the more I keep telling her how thankful I am cos for the last 2 sessions we BOTH have shed some tears. Her more thOugh when she read aloud a thank you letter I had written to her tee hee. But I think it'll be good to reflect on where I was when I first started with her up to this point in time. If I may say so myself, I'm pretty awed and proud of myself of how far I've come. I feel like a completely...Read More...

i just went out hoping to find someone to have a ONS with because of this, but came back alone lol with my senses back. hes just turned me into a horny womanRead More...

Hi audirak I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now. Transference is SOOOO hard to deal with sometimes. And the boundaries can be extremely painful. But like SD said, it might be what you NEED, even if it's not what you WANT. I think most of us would agree that talking things through with T is usually the best way to cope. I know for myself that was the most terrifying option. I couldn't see how I would even get the words out. But I did, and it has really helped me accept that...Read More...

NavyMe, I believe that our worth is integral to our being. That any human being is of infinite worth and deserving of love and care and attention. But though our worth is inherent, our sense of it is not. We must learn to "feel" our worth by having a loving other reflect that worth back to us. If we did not have that, which many of us did not, we learned a lie instead. That we were worthless. Some of us even learned that WANTING to feel worthwhile was an inherently bad thing to do. One of...Read More...

Thanks to all of you for your kind words and presenting me with such affirmation. I do care deeply for the people in this community, and its lovely to know that, by and large , it's returned. I also am happy to see so many people acknowledging the support and acceptance that they have found here. I know what this community has meant in my own life; it's good to see other people feel the same way. I am going to close the thread at this point since people have had a chance to comment who...Read More...

I would prefer cake...but he would not.Read More...

Hi everyone, thank you all so much for your kind responses, it means such a lot to me. Talking about transference with my T. has never been a problem for me as I felt comfortable talking with her from our first session and she is happy to work through it with me, even if as she says, many of her colleagues would run a mile!! I saw T. last night and told her I had been worried about her and she reassured me she was fine, so I'm feeling a lot better today. Knowing that there are kind people...Read More...

Aw, BB, this post is so lovely of you. Reading it brought tears to my eyes. Now I know which thread to revisit when I feel I need a little encouragement. Thank you.Read More...

Countertransference can be a good thing if it is noticed by the T and managed well. It can be a disaster when the T is blind to it, refuses to deal with it and uses it in a way that plays into the transference rather than helping the transference in ways as BG pointed out above. All T's have countertransference to one degree or another. It isn't usually about sex though it can be. It can be about many things, but it is something that needs to be managed and paid attention to. Being on the...Read More...

You know TN, I am OK with leather generally, but I don't really think it's cozy enough for T furniture. Also I might slide around too much on it and not feel very grounded. I dunno...Read More...

Hoosier, hi. The only thing I can relate this to for me is a dream I had about my T was that she went to school and then quit being a therapist because of it. I waited a few weeks after I had the dream, but I did ask her, "Are you going to school?" She answered, without hesitation, because it was about psychological testing, then asked me why. I told her about my dream. She asked if I was worried. Yes, of course I was. I didn't want to lose her. She does seem to do more testing and...Read More...

So... after going away, thinking of things and doing a lot of processing and such... I find myself freaked out about our next session. Between this, and the homework she gave me... the amount of ugly junk that came up just seems... like a step backwards. And I'm afraid that when I go there and see her... and bring this stuff up...it will be this giant disappointment for her. In the past couple of sessions, it seems like she's been doing more of the changing gears stuff... (As above)..and I...Read More...

((SD))) thanks for relating. I told my T. That's how I found out more about her approach. I got extemely frustrated. I have no problem telling her what up. I ask so often to just talk but my Ts are so delicate and fragile and careful with me. Even my regular t called me yesterday after I cancelled on her to "keep our connection" when I called her. I think thy are worried it will flood and hurt me but I feel hurt not feeling heard. I do my skills well and often grrRead More...

Hi We'll see how my session goes today. There is more to my therapy story that I'm not going to share here, because I've told some therapist friends of mine about this board and I don't want to give away all of my info here. Update-I had my session- It ended up ok, but not great. T right away started off on a topic that irritates us both. Then, T seemed to not remember much about my story. I needed to remind her of several things. I understand that she has many clients and has a hard time...Read More...

wow. i am a sucker for appearances im learing to stop this, big reason for my social anxiety he asked me if i cared what he thought being a man in our third. i looked at him innocently as said 'no this is professional' so he knows i'm naive! he just watched me and beamed and said yees!Read More...

That’s great news Unbroken! Sounds like you needed to get to the point of, what the hell I’ve nothing to lose so I may as well be as honest as I can in order to open up to T, and it paid off handsomely. I’m so pleased you’ve managed to connect so deeply with her and that you don’t have to go through the pain of trying to find another T. And also glad that things with this T are sounding so positive. By the way, did you cancel with the other T you’d decided to see in the end? It sounds like...Read More...

(((HIC))) you're lovely, thanks for understanding. Sorry to stir you up too. Thankfully, I got this mega crappy issue worked out with my T today. When things aren't right with that woman I'm a bloody mess.Read More...

((Ninn)) I like kashley's advice and I'm so sorry that it feels so difficult for your T to connect to the experiences you've had and feelings you've had. A T's job is to connect with us empathetically enough to 'see' the world from our eyes. I have trouble telling my T things she has heard before (either stuff from me, or stuff I assume she's heard from everyone) it makes it very hard and very scary... I think because we need to look at things from so many angles it makes sense we need to...Read More...

Taylor Swift's Mean helps me: You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me You have knocked me off my feet again got me feeling like I'm nothing You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, calling me out when I'm wounded You, pickin' on the weaker man Well, you can take me down with just one single blow But you don't know what you don't know Someday I'll be living in a big old city And all you're ever gonna be is mean Someday I'll be big enough so you...Read More...

Hi incognito... I'm glad you were able to talk to your T about the dream and how it made you feel. It seems like your emotions are back again too. It was good to hear that you felt comforted by your T and I do hope you can hold onto that comfort until you see him again. How are you doing today? Thanks for the update. I was thinking of you. TNRead More...